Why We Love Children
20 Dec '05 21:47Why We Love Children
>>
>>
>> 1. A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was
dead.
>>
>> "How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil.
>>
>> "Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child
>> innocently.
>>
>> You did WHAT ? ! ?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
>>
>> "You know,"explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it
>>
>> didn't move."
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> 2. A small boy is sent to bed by his father.
>>
>> Five minutes later....."Da-ad...."
>>
>> "What?"
>>
>> "I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?"
>>
>> "No, You had your chance. Lights out."
>>
>> Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....."
>>
>> "WHAT?"
>>
>> "I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"
>>
>> I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"
>>
>> Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad....."
>>
>> "WHAT!"
>>
>> "When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> 3. An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief,
>>
>> finally asked him "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"
>>
>> The boy thought it over and said,
>> "Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door
>> until St Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> 4. One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm
>> a mother was tucking her son into bed.
>> She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his
>> voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"
>>
>> The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.
>> "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room."
>>
>> A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice:
>>
>> "The big wimp ."
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> 5. It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's
>>
>> sermon. All the children were invited to come forward.
>> One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and,
>> as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said,
>>
>> "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?"
>>
>> The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone,
>>
>> "Yes, and my Mom says it's a (bleep) to iron."
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> 6. When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old
>>
>> came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into
>>
>> the shower. She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!"
>>
>> I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy."
>>
>> "I know," she replied, but what's growing in your butt?"
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> 7 A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself,
>>
>> "Two plus five, that son of a (bleep) is seven.
>>
>> Three plus six, that son of a (bleep) is nine...."
>>
>> His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"
>>
>> The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom."
>>
>> "And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked.
>>
>> "Yes," he answered.
>>
>> Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you
>>
>> teaching my son in math?"
>>
>> The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."
>>
>> The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son
>>
>> of a (bleep) is four?"
>>
>> After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was,
>>
>> two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> 8. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little
>>
>> to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried
>> to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken
>> Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is
>> falling!"
>>
>> The teacher paused then asked the class,
>> "And what do you think that farmer said?"
>>
>> One little girl raised her hand and said,
>> "I think he said: 'Oh (Bleep) ! A talking chicken!'"
>>
>> The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> 9. A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply,
>> "I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter."
>>
>> Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, "I'm Jane Sugarbrown."
>>
>> The Pastor spoke to her in Sunday School, and said,
>> "Aren 't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?"
>>
>> She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm not."
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> 10. A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with the
>> boys?"
>>
>> Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boys, they're too rough."
>>
>> The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked,
>> "If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?"
>>
>>
😉
>>
>>
>> 1. A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was
dead.
>>
>> "How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil.
>>
>> "Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child
>> innocently.
>>
>> You did WHAT ? ! ?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
>>
>> "You know,"explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it
>>
>> didn't move."
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> 2. A small boy is sent to bed by his father.
>>
>> Five minutes later....."Da-ad...."
>>
>> "What?"
>>
>> "I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?"
>>
>> "No, You had your chance. Lights out."
>>
>> Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....."
>>
>> "WHAT?"
>>
>> "I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"
>>
>> I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"
>>
>> Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad....."
>>
>> "WHAT!"
>>
>> "When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> 3. An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief,
>>
>> finally asked him "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"
>>
>> The boy thought it over and said,
>> "Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door
>> until St Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> 4. One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm
>> a mother was tucking her son into bed.
>> She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his
>> voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"
>>
>> The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.
>> "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room."
>>
>> A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice:
>>
>> "The big wimp ."
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> 5. It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's
>>
>> sermon. All the children were invited to come forward.
>> One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and,
>> as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said,
>>
>> "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?"
>>
>> The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone,
>>
>> "Yes, and my Mom says it's a (bleep) to iron."
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> 6. When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old
>>
>> came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into
>>
>> the shower. She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!"
>>
>> I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy."
>>
>> "I know," she replied, but what's growing in your butt?"
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> 7 A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself,
>>
>> "Two plus five, that son of a (bleep) is seven.
>>
>> Three plus six, that son of a (bleep) is nine...."
>>
>> His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"
>>
>> The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom."
>>
>> "And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked.
>>
>> "Yes," he answered.
>>
>> Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you
>>
>> teaching my son in math?"
>>
>> The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."
>>
>> The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son
>>
>> of a (bleep) is four?"
>>
>> After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was,
>>
>> two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> 8. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little
>>
>> to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried
>> to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken
>> Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is
>> falling!"
>>
>> The teacher paused then asked the class,
>> "And what do you think that farmer said?"
>>
>> One little girl raised her hand and said,
>> "I think he said: 'Oh (Bleep) ! A talking chicken!'"
>>
>> The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> 9. A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply,
>> "I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter."
>>
>> Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, "I'm Jane Sugarbrown."
>>
>> The Pastor spoke to her in Sunday School, and said,
>> "Aren 't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?"
>>
>> She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm not."
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> 10. A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with the
>> boys?"
>>
>> Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boys, they're too rough."
>>
>> The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked,
>> "If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?"
>>
>>
😉
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