Why We Love Children

Standard memberRemoved
Spirituality 20 Dec '05 21:47
  1. Standard memberRemoved
    Joined
    08 Dec '04
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    100919
    20 Dec '05 21:47
    Why We Love Children

    >>
    >>
    >> 1. A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was

    dead.

    >>
    >> "How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil.
    >>
    >> "Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child
    >> innocently.
    >>
    >> You did WHAT ? ! ?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
    >>
    >> "You know,"explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it
    >>
    >> didn't move."
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >> 2. A small boy is sent to bed by his father.
    >>
    >> Five minutes later....."Da-ad...."
    >>
    >> "What?"
    >>
    >> "I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?"
    >>
    >> "No, You had your chance. Lights out."
    >>
    >> Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....."
    >>
    >> "WHAT?"
    >>
    >> "I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"
    >>
    >> I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"
    >>
    >> Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad....."
    >>
    >> "WHAT!"
    >>
    >> "When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >> 3. An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief,
    >>
    >> finally asked him "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"
    >>
    >> The boy thought it over and said,
    >> "Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door
    >> until St Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >> 4. One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm
    >> a mother was tucking her son into bed.
    >> She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his
    >> voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"
    >>
    >> The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.
    >> "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room."
    >>
    >> A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice:
    >>
    >> "The big wimp ."
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >> 5. It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's
    >>
    >> sermon. All the children were invited to come forward.
    >> One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and,
    >> as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said,
    >>
    >> "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?"
    >>
    >> The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone,
    >>
    >> "Yes, and my Mom says it's a (bleep) to iron."
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >> 6. When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old
    >>
    >> came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into
    >>
    >> the shower. She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!"
    >>
    >> I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy."
    >>
    >> "I know," she replied, but what's growing in your butt?"
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >> 7 A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself,
    >>
    >> "Two plus five, that son of a (bleep) is seven.
    >>
    >> Three plus six, that son of a (bleep) is nine...."
    >>
    >> His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"
    >>
    >> The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom."
    >>
    >> "And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked.
    >>
    >> "Yes," he answered.
    >>
    >> Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you
    >>
    >> teaching my son in math?"
    >>
    >> The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."
    >>
    >> The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son
    >>
    >> of a (bleep) is four?"
    >>
    >> After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was,
    >>
    >> two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >> 8. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little
    >>
    >> to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried
    >> to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken
    >> Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is
    >> falling!"
    >>
    >> The teacher paused then asked the class,
    >> "And what do you think that farmer said?"
    >>
    >> One little girl raised her hand and said,
    >> "I think he said: 'Oh (Bleep) ! A talking chicken!'"
    >>
    >> The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >> 9. A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply,
    >> "I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter."
    >>
    >> Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, "I'm Jane Sugarbrown."
    >>
    >> The Pastor spoke to her in Sunday School, and said,
    >> "Aren 't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?"
    >>
    >> She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm not."
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >>
    >> 10. A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with the
    >> boys?"
    >>
    >> Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boys, they're too rough."
    >>
    >> The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked,
    >> "If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?"
    >>
    >>
    πŸ˜‰
  2. Donationrwingett
    Ming the Merciless
    Royal Oak, MI
    Joined
    09 Sep '01
    Moves
    26187
    20 Dec '05 21:54
    Originally posted by checkbaiter
    Why We Love Children

    >>
    >>
    >> 1. A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was

    dead.

    >>
    >> "How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil.
    >>
    >> "Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child
    >> innocently.
    >>
    >> You did WHAT ? ! ?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
    >>
    >> ...[text shortened]... or a few moments and asked,
    >> "If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?"
    >>
    >>
    πŸ˜‰
    You should be beaten for not reformatting your post properly after you copied and pasted it here.
  3. Standard memberXanthosNZ
    Cancerous Bus Crash
    p^2.sin(phi)
    Joined
    06 Sep '04
    Moves
    25076
    20 Dec '05 22:01
    Originally posted by checkbaiter
    Why We Love Children

    >>
    >>
    >> 1. A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was

    dead.

    >>
    >> "How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil.
    >>
    >> "Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child
    >> innocently.
    >>
    >> You did WHAT ? ! ?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
    >>
    >> ...[text shortened]... or a few moments and asked,
    >> "If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?"
    >>
    >>
    πŸ˜‰
    Thanks for that you stupid inbred hick.
  4. Standard memberHalitose
    I stink, ergo I am
    On the rebound
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    14 Jul '05
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    20 Dec '05 22:071 edit
    Originally posted by XanthosNZ
    Thanks for that you stupid inbred hick.
    This was uncalled for.


    Edit: And I'm quite sure some dunce is going to rec it too.
  5. Standard memberXanthosNZ
    Cancerous Bus Crash
    p^2.sin(phi)
    Joined
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    20 Dec '05 22:12
    Originally posted by Halitose
    This was uncalled for.


    Edit: And I'm quite sure some dunce is going to rec it too.
    You're right pasting an idiotic email forward without even bothering to make it readable is uncalled for and I bet some mouthbreather will rec him for it.
  6. SubscriberBigDoggProblem
    The Advanced Mind
    bigdogghouse.com/RHP
    Joined
    26 Nov '04
    Moves
    110786
    20 Dec '05 22:48
    Originally posted by checkbaiter
    Why We Love Children

    >>
    >>
    >> 1. A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was

    dead.

    >>
    >> "How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil.
    >>
    >> "Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child
    >> innocently.
    >>
    >> You did WHAT ? ! ?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
    >>
    >> ...[text shortened]... or a few moments and asked,
    >> "If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?"
    >>
    >>
    πŸ˜‰
    What I like about these kids is that they curse better than the puritan who posted their stories.
  7. Forgotten
    Joined
    15 Sep '04
    Moves
    4459
    20 Dec '05 23:16
    christ this is an awful thread
    to improve it lets change it right now to

    Why We Love Chicken

    chicken is danged good when breaded and fried up right crispy likeπŸ˜€
  8. Standard memberUmbrageOfSnow
    All Bark, No Bite
    Playing percussion
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    13 Jul '05
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    13232
    21 Dec '05 07:27
    Originally posted by aspviper666
    christ this is an awful thread
    to improve it lets change it right now to

    Why We Love Chicken

    chicken is danged good when breaded and fried up right crispy likeπŸ˜€
    Under that philosphy we ought to have an entire forum on poultry consumption.
  9. Standard memberwindmill
    your king.
    Account suspended
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    21 Dec '05 10:15
    Originally posted by UmbrageOfSnow
    Under that philosphy we ought to have an entire forum on poultry consumption.
    I work in a chicken shop!
  10. Joined
    05 Jan '04
    Moves
    45179
    21 Dec '05 14:52
    Originally posted by windmill
    I work in a chicken shop!
    Isn't that special!
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