1. San Francisco 49ers @ Atlanta Falcons
Two woeful teams battle it out. The only drought relief in Georgia's future will be the Niners raining on the Falcon's parade.
Winner: San Francisco
2.Cincinnati Bengals @ Buffalo Bills
The Bengals continue to underachieve with their offensive talent, and with a defense giving up 30 points a game, and playing away from home... clearly the Bills with that final-drive 85-yard touchdown bomb fresh in their minds are sure to... and what made that bomb from Losman to Lee Evans work? Was it a play from deep in their playbook for just this special occasion? Was it something being set up all game? Was it a clever read of the 2-deep Tango-y cover safety-roll that tipped Losman? Was it that special eye-contact and almost telepathic bond that quarterback and wide receivers sometimes share? Said Losman: "Roscoe [Parrish] or Lee [Evans], I had to take a pick." Nuff' said.
3.Denver Broncos @ Detroit Lions
Nagging injuries to key players on the Broncos (RB Henry, WR Walker, CB Bailey, CB Bly) make the hometown Lions the favorites. Cutler's propensity for picks will serve up a key interception for the Lions who lead the league in takeaways. After every Lions win, Kitna's face expands a half-inch; fans should invest in a Widescreen TV if they haven't done so already.
4.Green Bay Packers @ Kansas City Chiefs
Making amazing passing plays in one game invariably leads Brett Favre to believe he can walk on water (or at least a very thick whey) and he will ignore such things as tight coverage... or double coverage... or triple coverage... "I'm Brett Favre, I can do it!" he says as he heaves the ball left-handed into the air while falling backward with both eyes closed. I really like Brett, but mistakes at Arrowhead are quickly punished if the crowd is into the game, and I think they will be.
Winner: Kansas City
5.San Diego Chargers @ Minnesota Vikings
This is that time of year when the Vikings go into hibernation and fade from the playoff picture. Tomlinson and Peterson may be a push at RB, but Rivers has the edge over the injured Holcomb who tried to use his own head as a pogo-stick last week.
Winner: San Diego
6. Jacksonville Jaguars @ New Orleans Saints
The Jags have shown they can win on the road in tough stadiums (Denver, KC) and the Saints have shown that the black pants of their home-game uniforms make their butts look big.
7. Washington Redskins @ NY Jets
Both teams will cry together at how the big bad Patriots were so mean to them earlier in the year. Then Coach Gibbs will smack Coach Mangini in the mouth and make him wear a dress. The traitorous Mangini has lost the confidence of the owners, the players, and the fans. Look for another post-game interview with a look of disbelief, defeat, and confusion plastered across Mangini's face as he is forced to confront his complete lack of talent as a coach and realizes his only momentary worth was as a catspaw against his former team, the Patriots. I hate you, Mangini. I HATE YOU.
8. Arizona Cardinals @ Tampa Bay Buccaneers
This is the time of year that Kurt Warner's chronically injured thumb begins to feel the wear and tear of the NFL season. One good scowl by John Gruden and the thumb will collapse. Gotta go for the home team.
Winner: Tampa Bay
9. Carolina Panthers @ Tennessee Titans
Not much to say on this one. Both teams are suffering injuries at key positions, but the Titans seem to be hanging tough, so I'm going with the home team again.
10. Seattle Seahawks @ Cleveland Browns
Shaun Alexander continues to fade, and its a sad fact in the NFL that running backs have the shortest average career of only 6 years. Sadly, I think Mr. Alexander has reached the twilight of his career. The surprising Browns have not lost a home game yet. And Braylon Edwards has a fine commercial.
11. New England Patriots @ Indianapolis Colts
Winner: New England
12.Houston Texans @ Oakland Raiders
Houston's anemic offense will look even more anemic against Oaklands defense which seems to specialize in making anemic teams look even more anemic. Anemic. Uhhh-neeeeeee-mic. aNeMiC!11! Oh, sorry. Look for the Oakland defense to hold their third straight opponent to 14pts or less.
13. Dallas Cowboys @ Philadelphia Eagles
The only way the Eagles can steal this game from the Cowboys is if Coach Andy Reid hires his two sons onto the roster. The 'Boys are too much for the 'Gles'.
14. Baltimore Ravens @ Pittsburgh Steelers
This is just a good old smashmouth football game. Terrible weather would only make the game even better. The Steelers are too good overall, and they're the home team.
15. St. Louis Rams and Miami Dolphins
Both hapless teams have a bye week and a chance to plot their final strategy on their run to 0-16.
Winner: the fans