Friends, Romans, countrymen, etc, listen here!
The votes are all in and it is time to announce the winners of the 2009 RHP VERSE COMPETITION, that they may be covered with the most viscous of glory. I must stress the very high standard of verse in this competition, in my opinion the finest verse in any RHP VERSE COMPETITION thus far. I also commend the Versificating Public on their abstinence from plagiarism
There is a very wide range of form and content in this competition's entries, and therefore voting entailed comparison of a much more taxonomically diverse pile of things than any mixed assortment of apples and oranges. Therefore those who voted also deserve praise for bringing this competition to, erm, fruition.
Without further ado, the hopefully frugivorous winners and their (admittedly metaphorical, but they're poets) fruity prizes:
In third place, with 8 [weighted] votes, for which he shall receive an exquisitely ripened watermelon the size of yo' mama, for the entry The Wood of Humanity, The Reverend kirksey957.
In second place, with 9, for which she shall receive the Pomegranate of Morbidity, plucked straight from the deceptive hands of Hades himself, for the entry Walter's Perfect [Unmentionable], SJ247 and her wonderfully twisted psyche.
In first place, with 11, we have an impressive tie. Hence:
In the spirit of rainy autumnal snow-anticipation, here is an entire bog of tart and generally wintrily tempestuous cranberries -- bringers of the sauce -- for the entry Tuesday Afternoon, from pawnhandler, who is as adept with pen as with pawn.
I'm not sure the titular flower of our next winner's entry is edible, so I have turned to Wikipedia, and discovered that said flower is related to the baobab tree, with it's Exuperian literary weight and fruit which is apparently super-high in Vitamin C. For the entry Hibiscus, Sunburnt gets a baobab tree and whatever fruit it happens to grow.
Last is not least, in announcements of victory or in submitting verses. Our final winner is a man of puddling proclivities -- also puns. I mean, "guiltless soles"? This is fruity in the most praise-piled sense of the word. Such sharp language call to mind the dragon fruit, a decidedly pink and delicious cactus appendage. So that he may enjoy the prickly goodness, for his entry Untitled, catfoodtim will have such a cactus planted in his honour, in his bedroom.
Congratulations to those who won, and many thanks to all who entered and voted.
At this point, it would be excellent if discussion or criticism of the poems would commence. I have left anonymous the authors of those entries which didn't get fruit thrown at them, but if anyone wants to say what they wrote, I am sure people will be intrigued and generally in the mood for fruitful literary dialogue.
(Fine print: Note that votes were counted if and only if they adhered to the voting rules. In particular, DoctorScribbles and Ludovician did not vote, since they didn't specify a ranking and title (Ludovician) or a vote at all (Dr. S), and declined to clarify their votes when asked. I'm sorry to have to mention this on this celebratory occasion, but I fear that otherwise there will be heinous arguments.)