Childhood spanking linked to mental illness

The post that was quoted here has been removed

There is loving discipline and there is abuse. Sorry about your situation. I do remember in our family a similar situation. I was never too worried about my brothers getting a licking so much as I knew I was next. You learn not to put your hands over your behind as it hurts much worse. Take care!!!!

Originally posted by vivify
How does she know that these kids are getting spanked at home?

Teachers know so much about the kids and their families. She quite often knows about the spankings because the parents tell her they spank. Of course, parents are more wary now-a-days and tend to try not to leave marks. And will also explain, for example, that their kids bruises are from football practice, for instance. My son bruises easy and after his first tackle football game in the 6th grade, he had massive bruises over his entire body but especially his arms.

Originally posted by joe beyser
Of course the spectacle of a child refusing to go to school and standing there defiant to the parents as if saying what are you going to do about it, increases with the lack of discipline. The anti spankers will always say that if you have a loving relationship with your child and can communicate well with them it isn't a problem. Of course that is as rea ...[text shortened]... government will create the most rude unruly generation ever seen if spanking is done away with.

You refer to the situation of a kid "standing there defiant to the parents as if saying what are you going to do about it." I never spanked my kids, and they would seriously regret (without me spanking them) doing what you describe. While I would try to understand and mitigate their behavior, they would suffer in the immediate term, that's for sure. Spanking is just not necessary. It is religious brainwashing to spank.

Originally posted by moon1969
You refer to the situation of a kid "standing there defiant to the parents as if saying what are you going to do about it." I never spanked my kids, and they would seriously regret (without me spanking them) doing what you describe. While I would try to understand and mitigate their behavior, they would suffer in the immediate term, that's for sure. Spanking is just not necessary. It is religious brainwashing to spank.

Some kids don't care about being grounded or time outs. They will do what they want when they want as there is no repercussion.

Originally posted by joe beyser
Of course the spectacle of a child refusing to go to school and standing there defiant to the parents as if saying what are you going to do about it, increases with the lack of discipline. The anti spankers will always say that if you have a loving relationship with your child and can communicate well with them it isn't a problem. Of course that is as rea ...[text shortened]... government will create the most rude unruly generation ever seen if spanking is done away with.

I have to disagree. Having a connected relationship with your kids means that you don't allow your frustration at them complying instantly to your every command justify your use of bad parenting techniques. I can't for the life of me think of any situation that warrants a smack save for the kid wanting to run onto a highway, or be burned by a camp fire or some such scenario. For these safety situations the whole between the age of 2-7 is also a very good guide.
I wouldn't imagine to presume I know your circumstances, but frustration due to lack of instant compliance usually can be tracked back to a

lack of parental planning, ie running late on a consistent basis , feeling the gaze of other people and feeling embarrassed that your kid is not responding to you the way a 'normal' kid should.

Basically when you analyse most scenarios where parents include smacking in their suite of options, it usually boils down to a lack of maturity on the part of the parent, in that they have yet to master the art of patience. If you add in parenting by constant reward or punishment approaches, then I'm sorry but its not governmental policy that's destroying families, but rather an over dependence on cultural cues, ie if I buy you that thing will you shutup already, ; you're bored, well I'm busy, go watch some TV,.......

If the statistic is half reasonably accurate, that by age 5 the average child will have heard more from the TV than they will have hear from their parents over the next 50 years, then Houston, there's your problem. We communicate less and less with those whom we are responsible for and we spend increasing amounts of time working harder and needing time for ourselves to recover.

If anything a ban on all forms of corporal punishment will achieve one thing. It will force us to start talking again.

Originally posted by joe beyser
Some kids don't care about being grounded or time outs. They will do what they want when they want as there is no repercussion.

That equally applies to spanking. Most kids prefer a spanking over losing privileges or being physically forced into a bland room and the door locked, or the parent grounding them and not taking them where they want to go, or not letting friends in the house, etc.

Congratulations, Wolfgang. You are responsible for starting the worst thread in recent memory.

MooNut - accolades are also in order for you. You perpetuated this mind-numbing waste of virtual real estate.

Originally posted by kmax87
I have to disagree. Having a connected relationship with your kids means that you don't allow your frustration at them complying instantly to your every command justify your use of bad parenting techniques. I can't for the life of me think of any situation that warrants a smack save for the kid wanting to run onto a highway, or be burned by a camp fire or som f corporal punishment will achieve one thing. It will force us to start talking again.

I think that spanking pretty much is over for children by the time they reach their teens. If they do not respect a parents authority by then they won't no matter what after that. Yes kids should mind their parents and not lip back. That doesn't mean it won't happen on occasion but that is quite a different thing than a teen who has no respect and openly defies a parent. I haven't had this problem but am seeing it more and more. Those I have talked to first blame themselves and then blame the system where a child can turn them in for abuse when punished. When I was young, my mom or dad would give me several warnings and when they would say "If I tell you again it will be with the belt" they got instant results. The belt speaks very loud and is a good form of communication.