11 Jul 07
Originally posted by der schwarze RitterHow can a couple who aren't married get divorced? It's true that cohabitation leads to an increased level of breakup down the road, but I don't think a cohabiting couple with kids take such a decision lightly. My take is that if a couple is staying together in a marriage, for no other reason than the kids, their kids are going to have a dim view of relationships.
Cohabitation is very bad for children since most couples with children who cohabitate never marry or succumb to very high divorce rates.
If part of a cohabiting home which breaks up before they get to the stage of living in simmering animosity, it's better for the kid, they see a responsible and adult approach to relationships.
Better to live separate lives and not hate eachother completely than grow up in an atmosphere where eventually you'll cop that they only stayed living with someone they didn't want to for your sake, that'd kinda make a kid feel guilty I think.
11 Jul 07
Originally posted by agrysonHere are some recent articles on marriage, cohabitation, unwed mothers and childless fathers -- they all point out in no uncertain terms that cohabitation is neither good for the couples, the children or society:
How can a couple who aren't married get divorced? It's true that cohabitation leads to an increased level of breakup down the road, but I don't think a cohabiting couple with kids take such a decision lightly. My take is that if a couple is staying together in a marriage, for no other reason than the kids, their kids are going to have a dim view of relations ...[text shortened]... h someone they didn't want to for your sake, that'd kinda make a kid feel guilty I think.
http://www.ncpa.org/sub/dpd/index.php?Article_ID=14721
http://www.ncpa.org/sub/dpd/index.php?Article_ID=14101
http://www.ncpa.org/sub/dpd/index.php?Article_ID=13946
http://www.ncpa.org/sub/dpd/index.php?Article_ID=13921
http://www.ncpa.org/sub/dpd/index.php?Article_ID=13894
http://www.ncpa.org/sub/dpd/index.php?Article_ID=13701
http://www.ncpa.org/sub/dpd/index.php?Article_ID=3469
http://www.ncpa.org/sub/dpd/index.php?Article_ID=3422
http://www.ncpa.org/sub/dpd/index.php?Article_ID=3056
11 Jul 07
Originally posted by der schwarze RitterThe first three links alone simply give statistics of rising rates of out of wedlock child birth, then state that this is a bad thing, not what I'd call "in no uncertain terms" the statistics are given from the frame of reference of someone already maintaining the position that marriage is for some reason healthier.
Here are some recent articles on marriage, cohabitation, unwed mothers and childless fathers -- they all point out in no uncertain terms that cohabitation is neither good for the couples, the children or society:
http://www.ncpa.org/sub/dpd/index.php?Article_ID=14721
http://www.ncpa.org/sub/dpd/index.php?Article_ID=14101
http://www.ncpa. ...[text shortened]... a.org/sub/dpd/index.php?Article_ID=3422
http://www.ncpa.org/sub/dpd/index.php?Article_ID=3056
http://www.demographic-research.org/volumes/vol15/4/
This research for example does show that marriage or not, a breakup increases asthma risk by 9%. Consequently, the higher breakup risk for cohabitation does bode ill for this particular statistic, but the same study shows that children from cohabiting couples have a higher average wage in adult life, suggesting improved personal stability.
Despite the fact that we've both brought out statistics though, I think this is an issue which can't be statistically decided, there are advantages and disadvantages to both options, and ultimately it is which advantage/disadvantage is less or more beneficial, which of course is entirely a matter of opinion.
In my opinion thus, failure of a cohabiting couple is less damaging than failure of a marriage, while a long term successful cohabiting family has no great difference to a marriage in similar circumstances.
11 Jul 07
Originally posted by pawnhandlerWait a second, this sounds like how most marriages go!!!
Depends on a lot of things! I'm a big fan of cohabitation first and after at least a year if it's looking good and the want a bigger commitment, then starting to explore marriage.
11 Jul 07
1 edit
Originally posted by der schwarze RitterWho cares as long as I'm happy this very moment. 😀
Cohabitation is very bad for children since most couples with children who cohabitate never marry or succumb to very high divorce rates.
In all seriousness though, this is the attitude that we are up against.
11 Jul 07
1 edit
Originally posted by lepomisI think the real question is not about living together, rather, I think it comes down to SEX!!! When is the appropriate time to have sex? Is it when two people are not committed? If so, why? After all, sexual relations involve such issues as reproduction and further emotional attachments and $$$$$$ etc. It is like investing in a stock that you know may not decide to pay you dividneds. Granted, having the committment of marriage does not gaurantee a return in your investment, but it is the best you can do.
Done both... its the same. They will bitch at ya whether your married or not.
11 Jul 07
Originally posted by whodeyI figured sex was involved in both options.
I think the real question is not about living together, rather, I think it comes down to SEX!!! When is the appropriate time to have sex? Is it when two people are not committed? If so, why? After all, sexual relations involve such issues as reproduction and further emotional attachments and $$$$$$ etc. It is like investing in a stock that you know may ...[text shortened]... tment of marriage does not gaurantee a return in your investment, but it is the best you can do.
15 Jul 07
Originally posted by steponupWhat are you trying to compare, a committed relationship where vows
WHATS BETTER?
are made in front of God and man, and those that just move in to see
if they like it? What is the scale here, the selfishness of what those
those that don't want the commitment made by promises in front of
witnesses, or the freedom you get when you see something better in
someone else?
If the scale of what is better is found in a intact family tree where
every kid knows who their dad is, where the mom and dad mean
so much to each other they are willing to in front of others make
promises that they will be committed to their spouse; I’d be willing
to bet you’d see that in marriage more than you do those that get
together until they desire something else.
Of course since the power of vows is in the effort people will go
through to keep their words and making their words mean what they
say no longer seems to matter, even marriage vows now days are not
the same thing it was years ago. The power or truthfulness of people's
words seem to be some what less than it used to be. Our words "I do"
do not matter when we say them if we don't actually 'do' what we
promise till death do us part.
Kelly
15 Jul 07
Originally posted by KellyJayI think the problem may lie in that people don't really listen to what's asked of them in the ceremony.
What are you trying to compare, a committed relationship where vows
are made in front of God and man, and those that just move in to see
if they like it? What is the scale here, the selfishness of what those
those that don't want the commitment made by promises in front of
witnesses, or the freedom you get when you see something better in
someone else? ...[text shortened]... when we say them if we don't actually 'do' what we
promise till death do us part.
Kelly
I'd be interested in seeing a survey of married couples asking them if they remember what comes after "Do you take this man/woman to be your lawfully wedded husband/wife"