In light of the recent uproar in the gen forum I'm curious to start a debate on parenting just to see what the average concensus is around here.
They're are many parents that play on this site as well as grandparents and people who may not have children but have certainly had parents themselves.
I would like to see if it's possible to define the role or job of being a parent.
Seeing as this is a very wide and deeply personal subject which takes into account many different cultures and lifestyles It would be better to just start out with a general view on the role of parents.
Obviously my own views on what my job is as a parent have changed dramatically from when I was a kid at home stating things like "I'll never do that to MY kids" to being a young mother of two toddlers to now being a more mature mom with another little infant in the home.
I've found that as my techniques may have changed as a parent my role has not.
I see many bad parents (IMO) and am constantly checking myself and my role as a mother. Moms are not perfect. I feel sorry for the women (and men) who try to pull of this miraculous feat.
Anyhow.....So define the role of a parent in raising a child.
My first thoughts always when dealing with my children have always been they never asked to be born. With that in mind I stay accountable for their quality of life.
Second thing I use as a basis for any decisions that I make as a parent is that they're not my possesions. They are their own persons. Not carbon copies of myself or some illusion of the children I want then to be. With this is mind I always support their decisions whatever my own personal feelings on the subject may be.
It's my job, (IMO) as a mother to quide my childern towards whatever path they're going to take in life. To teach them how to cope and deal with the conflicts that take place inside of them. How to question everything they hear and learn. How to think independently of emotion and make intelligent decisions in life.
How to obtain happiness in the simple pleasures life has to offer, to help them find humour in the worst of situations. How to cope and react to the many obstacles that life will throw at them. This is what I define my job as a parent to be.
Some people may define their job as a parent by the things they do, such as cooking, cleaning, providing tihngs for their children. I don't consider those things a part of my job. Those are simply acts of life that we do regardless of having children or not.
Disagree or agree with me on the subject or simply feel free to add to the requirements of a parents job.
Originally posted by mokkoMokko, from what I read in that bizarre episode in the general forum I believe you are doing a fantastic job and I wish all kids had parents as responsible, sensible and caring as yourself.
In light of the recent uproar in the gen forum I'm curious to start a debate on parenting just to see what the average concensus is around here.
They're are many parents that play on this site as well as grandparents and people who may not have children but have certainly had parents themselves.
I would like to see if it's possible to define the role or ...[text shortened]... th me on the subject or simply feel free to add to the requirements of a parents job.
Reading through your role assignment for parenting I would make the following observations though am not a parent myself unless you count cats.
It seems to me that you have the guidance thing down perfectly. However, I think you may need to be prepared to be even stronger as time goes on. It sounds to me as if you will instill security, strength and independence in your children but that may leave you feeling a little out in the cold in the future. I suspect that as time goes by and your children fly the nest they may not visit or call quite as often as other children do. However, each time they call you'll know they didn't do it out of a sense of duty.
I feel many parents see children as their route to immortality, to leave something of themselves behind and they start to correct all the negative things they see about themselves in their children. Either that or they are so scared to lose what they have invested their entire personalities into that they crush the life out of them.
Allowing children to be free is a gift not given to many. Some people find that freedom themselves later in life but it usually comes at a price. To bring up kids, suppressing your own hangups, fears and doubts in the process and allowing them to express themselves, whatever the taboos and conventions is a tough job. You have very lucky children.
Originally posted by mokkoI think you covered most of it 🙂 What I would add too thought is:
In light of the recent uproar in the gen forum I'm curious to start a debate on parenting just to see what the average concensus is around here.
They're are many parents that play on this site as well as grandparents and people who may not have children but have certainly had parents themselves.
I would like to see if it's possible to define the role or ...[text shortened]... th me on the subject or simply feel free to add to the requirements of a parents job.
providing a safe and secure environment for your children, physically as well as mentally.
Originally posted by coentjeBut what does that actually mean? Should it be 100% safe? Do you shield children from knocks and grazes? Do you risk giving them a totally sterile childhood resulting in a totally sterile life?
I think you covered most of it 🙂 What I would add too thought is:
providing a safe and secure environment for your children, physically as well as mentally.
They will find ways that you never found and they will have drives that you never did. How can you know what is safe in this case.
OK, you obviously don't want them to be in danger but I do believe it is hard to avoid imposing your own values onto a definition of "safe".