Poem

I set down my solid
meat wrapped bones,
upon moist, rich pungent loam.
Built up from dead tall giants.

I pick a tiny flower from
between the place of life,
and the place of death.
So arbitrarily decided by me.

The sun puts down another shaft
of life giving light, to these,
lovely dwellers of dark places.
So suited to this... place.

In resurgence I lay back my head
into the soft, wet growingness
soft and pliant of touch and smell.
So real to this feeling of life.

Above me is the pine strife
fighting for light, and life
hard won and worth the battle.
So hard to this feeling of mortality.

Just returned from spending a day and night on Baldy Mountain in my beautiful Wyoming. I had a wonderful moment of rain, tree and flower... mixed to the tune of my more and more obvious mortality.

It was fun. But it always is. I managed to walk for fifteen miles in the soft wonderfulness of night without getting eaten by lions and bears. Again.

I set down my solid
Meat wrapped bones,
upon moist, rich pungent loam,
Built up from dead tall giants.

I picked a tiny flower from
between the place of life,
and the place of death.
So arbitrarily decided by me.

The sun puts down another shaft
of life giving light, to these,
lovely dwellers of dark places.
So suited to this place.

In resurgence I lay back my head
into the soft, wet growingness
soft and pliant of touch and smell.
So real to this feeling of life.

Above me is the pine strife
fighting for light, and life
See the slower than life movement
See this as what it is

.

Originally posted by ivanhoe

I set down my solid
Meat wrapped bones,
upon moist, rich pungent loam,
Built up from dead tall giants.

I picked a tiny flower from
between the place of life,
and the place of death.
So arbitrarily decided by me.

The sun puts down another shaft
of life giving light, to these,
lovely dwellers of dark places.
So suited to this place.

In resu ...[text shortened]... fe
fighting for light, and life
See the slower than life movement
See this as what it is

.

Hi StarValleyWhy,

As you can see I took the liberty of making a few changes in your poem. First of all I replaced the last two lines with two other lines you used in another post. Do you remember which one ? After all you're the author.
There are a few other minor changes as well.

I wonder if you would comment on my proposed changes. Are they an improvement you think ?

Joe.
.

Originally posted by ivanhoe

Hi StarValleyWhy,

As you can see I took the liberty of making a few changes in your poem. First of all I replaced the last two lines with two other lines you used in another post. Do you remember which one ? After all you're the author.
There are a few other minor changes as well.

I wonder if you would comment on my proposed changes. Are they an improvement you think ?

Joe.
.

Originally posted by StarValleyWy
Hi Joe,

Maybe it is as good, but one can never abandon a baby thought and effort. I gave it birth and I don't want it changed. It is alive. For a moment in the mad rush of time.

The point of the military subject to the whim of democracy had meaning in the real world. That is what military folk do.

In my repose... head layed bare to earth... only my mortality was want. So ... You be the judge.

Originally posted by ivanhoe

I understand your attachment to your poem very well. I suggest to look at it again later. It can grow, you know ..... 😵

Originally posted by StarValleyWy
without getting eaten by lions and bears.

Originally posted by ivanhoe

I understand your attachment to your poem very well. I suggest to look at it again later. It can grow, you know ..... 😵

Originally posted by StarValleyWy
Now then, you must convince me that growth is good. And a goal to be had at cost. The cost is peace and serenity above the din of crowd and common noise.

Originally posted by StarValleyWy
Actually Joe,

You underestimate me. I see completely the comparison. It is why I left alone at four in the afternoon to visit my dear forest alone.

But some times it is best to only hint. Blatent reference is not good poetry.

Originally posted by ivanhoe

I hope you understand that the two poems we are discussing are related somehow. They could be part of a certain set of poems of which the others are still waiting for you to write down. Don't rush, take your time. Your muse will tell you when the moment is there, you'll notice .....
.

Originally posted by StarValleyWy
I learned long ago that all things are long gone.

Nothing I say or do has meaning in the course of eternal truth.

But I endulge a whim to turn several and various thought to mean that which my mind did partake in the day.

Corruption? Perhaps.

But not a universal truth. Only me. Thinking. Being what I must before and when I die.

Not for better or worse. Just... for now.

Originally posted by ivanhoe
SVW: "Nothing I say or do has meaning in the course of eternal truth."

Stop the nonsense and
stop putting yourself down.
.