28 Feb 11
... I have recently begun to write articles online, aiming ultimately to move onto short stories and eventually novels and have made one of the first about RHP - linked at:
http://gameolosophy.com/games/playing-correspondence-chess-online/
I wonder whether anyone is willing to give constructive feedback on the style of the article (plus any innaccuracies therein) so that I can improve my technique please.
Many thanks
S
28 Feb 11
1 edit
Originally posted by SurtismNice start, though I do have a few suggestions.
... I have recently begun to write articles online, aiming ultimately to move onto short stories and eventually novels and have made one of the first about RHP - linked at:
http://gameolosophy.com/games/playing-correspondence-chess-online/
I wonder whether anyone is willing to give constructive feedback on the style of the article (plus any innaccuracies therein) so that I can improve my technique please.
Many thanks
S
My first suggestion would be that you try and cut down on your run-on sentences. I think your sentence structure could use a bit of work as well.
A sentence should present only one idea. Sentences that try to do too much confuse the reader and tax the reader's ability to easily understand its point.
For example:
Correspondence chess has been a popular form of the game since a postal service existed, people from different towns, or even different Countries would write to each other plotting their moves and keeping a record of the progress of the game over weeks, months and even years.
This should be changed to:
Correspondence chess has been a popular form of the game since postal services have existed. People from different towns, or even different countries, can write to each other while keeping a record of the progress of the game over weeks, months and even years.
I also added the word "while" as a conjunction that links the two components of the second sentence. I took out "plotting their moves" as this confuses the idea of the sentence and tries to make it do too much. If you want to convey the idea that correspondence chess allows players to spend time to plot their moves and deliberate on their strategy, this should be done in a separate sentence.
I’ve chosen this specific site as it is celebrating its tenth anniversary this month and is an incredibly user friendly site, which offers a great deal for free.
Again, this sentence should be broken up. Think about the "and" in the middle of the sentence. Is it necessary to build on the previous phrase? As in this case it is not, the rest of the sentence should be a new sentence.
How about:
I’ve chosen this specific site as it is celebrating its tenth anniversary this month. In addition, it is an incredibly user friendly site which offers a great deal for free.
By breaking up the sentences we've also eliminated the need for the awkward comma after "site."
Think about adding transitional words to your repertoire to help your writing flow a bit better. Strong transitional words may include:
- moreover
- therefore
- because
- nevertheless
- etc.
Writing is not easy. The only way to really get better at it is to practice. Soliciting feedback as you have done can also be an excellent method by which to improve.
28 Feb 11
1 edit
Originally posted by SurtismAt a quick glance:
... I have recently begun to write articles online, aiming ultimately to move onto short stories and eventually novels and have made one of the first about RHP - linked at:
http://gameolosophy.com/games/playing-correspondence-chess-online/
I wonder whether anyone is willing to give constructive feedback on the style of the article (plus any innaccuracies therein) so that I can improve my technique please.
Many thanks
S
- Don't highlight and double under-write links. A slightly different colour OR a single line is more than enough, otherwise it gets in the way of reading.
- Don't use terms like: "This article is about..."
Get straight to the point, for exampe: "Chess for free: And this ain't spam. Interested?"
Basically people skim over websites. So, in contrast to a normal article, you use headlines, short / direct sentences and you build down rather than build up (ironically this means you write like a pyramid, rather than an upside-down pyramid: i.e. the punchline first).
Each paragraph should have a headline, a sub-headline and a short description.
So:
Do's
Thinking about skimming.
People won't bother with the blah blah blah's, get to the point.
28 Feb 11
Originally posted by sh76Thank you for your positive feedback on the article. I appreciate the time you have taken on this. It is the first writing of this style since I left school (many years ago) - so your thoughts are incredibly useful.
Nice start, though I do have a few suggestions.
My first suggestion would be that you try and cut down on your run-on sentences. I think your sentence structure could use a bit of work as well.
A sentence should present only one idea. Sentences that try to do too much confuse the reader and tax the reader's ability to easily understand its point.
For e ...[text shortened]... iciting feedback as you have done can also be an excellent method by which to improve.
I will take on board all you have said and will look to improve on my next attempt.
Many thanks
S
28 Feb 11
Originally posted by shavixmirMany thanks for your feedback on the article, it is much appreciated. Where possible I will take on board your suggestions, however, some of the points raised were altered by the website through which I submitted the article.
At a quick glance:
- Don't highlight and double under-write links. A slightly different colour OR a single line is more than enough, otherwise it gets in the way of reading.
- Don't use terms like: "This article is about..."
Get straight to the point, for exampe: "Chess for free: And this ain't spam. Interested?"
Basically people skim over websit ...[text shortened]... skimming[/i].
People won't bother with the blah blah blah's, get to the point.
Kind regards
S
28 Feb 11
Originally posted by SurtismAll good advice above. Some of the points sh76 made can be found by reading what you have written aloud: run on sentences, in particular, sound wrong if read aloud as they are written.
Many thanks for your feedback on the article, it is much appreciated. Where possible I will take on board your suggestions, however, some of the points raised were altered by the website through which I submitted the article.
Kind regards
S
I'd add that if the website is editing the articles before publication, you should get your original version and compare it with the edited version. From the difference between the two, you'll get both general points and style tips for the specific publication you're writing for.
One of the ways to become a better writer is actually to read more.
Another is sheer practice - you'll be surprised how much you improve in a short space of time if you keep up the publishing.