1. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming Dave, Dave I've got the secret documents!!
2. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, I'm SOOO sure that you can hear me thinking. Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.
3. Bring a Game Boy. Play with the volume at max level.
4. On the answer sheet find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.
5. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say They've found me, I have to leave the country and run off.
6. 15 min. into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out Merry Christmas. Ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every 15 min.
7. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head,and nothing else.
8. Come down with a BAD case of Turet's Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible.
9. Bring things to throw at the instructor when he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.
10. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.
11. Every 5 min. stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.
12. Turn in the exam approx. 30 min. into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.
13. Get the exam. 20 min into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out Screw this! and walk out triumphantly.
14. Arrange a protest before the exam starts (ie. Threaten the instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving after one hour to go drink.)
15. Show up completlely drunk (completely drunk means at some point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy).
16. Comment on how hot the instructor is looking that day (regardless of gender).
17. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 min, put on a white mask and start yelling I'm here, the phantom of the opera until they drag you away.
18. If the exam is math/science related, make up the longest proofs you could possibly think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story.
19. Try to get people in the room to do a wave.
20. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice.
21. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach.
22. Puke into your exam booklet. Hand it in. Leave.
23. Take 6 packages of rice cakes to the exam. Stuff at least 2 rice cakes into your mouth at once. Chew, then cough. Repeat if necessary.
25. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About 5 min into it, loudly say to the instructor, I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who are YOU? Where's the regular guy?
26. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up.
27. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.
28. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, he light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper.
29. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructor's requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai.
30. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.
31, Write all answers in red crayon with huge letters. If the invigilator says anything, throw a tantrum and bite his/her leg.
G
Originally posted by geniusi think ill just try and pass instead.
1. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming Dave, Dave I've got the secret documents!!
2. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, I'm SOOO sure that you can hear me thinking. Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.
3. Bring a Game Boy. Play w ...[text shortened]... with huge letters. If the invigilator says anything, throw a tantrum and bite his/her leg.
G
david🙂
A history exam: write a seven page essay vigourously insisting that Leon Trotsky invented the steam engine.
One I did a couple years ago:
A biology exam, in a multiple choice format, arranged in such a way that there were about 80 questions, and 26 possible answers, each corresponding to a letter. I wrote in letters in such a way that my answers formed an invective against the instructor and biology in general (and I still managed to pull a 40% 😀).
I always thought bathroom breaks in exams were really frowned upon. So I was absolutely amazed when, during one of my final exams at university that when I requested to go the invidulator just said OK and let me leave, walk down 3 flights of stairs, say hi to a couple of phd students I knew, and go to the bathroom UNATTENDED! 😲 I could have had textbooks down there!
If only I'd know before hand I could have got better than a 2:2
Originally posted by belgianfreakor you could have asked the pHD students 🙂
I always thought bathroom breaks in exams were really frowned upon. So I was absolutely amazed when, during one of my final exams at university that when I requested to go the invidulator just said OK and let me leave, walk down 3 flights of stairs, say hi to a couple of phd students I knew, and go to the bathroom UNATTENDED! 😲 I could have had textbooks down there!
If only I'd know before hand I could have got better than a 2:2
David
Originally posted by QuickAS a PhD student, I am VERY offended by this!
You think phd students know anything? They're just hanging around 'coz they don't want to get a job 😉
I do alot as a PhD student:
1) almost ever single day (ok ok, more days than not, mostly), I wake up and go through a rigorous program of personal hygiene.
2) I brew coffee, eat
3) I show up at my lab, and restart the experiments that I forgot to finish from the day before
4) I get together with my fellow students and whine and complain about a variety of interesting topics, especially
- why our PhD advisor is a jerk/tyrant/clueless/weiner. Or interesting combinations of these terms.
- the lack of jobs available for people with our level of rigorous intellectual training
- an indepth analysis of upcoming seminars, particularly which ones are most likely to have the best snacks.
5) remember I forgot to run the experimental controls for the experiment, bag it, and go catch a matinee movie to help relieve the stress from my overwhelming academic schedule
6) find and print out new scientific articles relating to my research topic. Add these to the stack of other papers I haven't read. Find new and improved ways to categorize the papers I haven't read.
7) Work on new ways of being insulting and condescending to those annoying undergraduates who come into the lab just to get good letters of recommendation to med school, because in a few years, I know I'm going to be working for them....
8) selflessly monitor internet sites for random and uncalled for attacks on the character of PhD students.....
😏
Originally postOn the contrary, we're hanging around because we CAN'T get jobs.
You think phd students know anything? They're just hanging ed by Quick around 'coz they don't want to get a job
Look how many edits were required for me to compose this simple rejoinder. We're hopeless.
Good thing we all have backup plans: Law School