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An open letter to the spider walking across my floor

An open letter to the spider walking across my floor

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Originally posted by Shallow Blue
Spiders are good.

Richard
Tell that to two of my friends who have lost fingers due to spider bites from brown recluse spiders.

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Originally posted by Trev33
Dear Mr/Mrs Spider

While i appreciate your late night wanderings i have one small bone to pick, in the last two days i've come across an insect flying around inside my home, once flying past the TV distracting me from the intriguing documentary the BBC is showing about the north and south poles. This is not acceptable, i see you, i can see something flying ...[text shortened]... our cooperation we can once again continue to live in peace and harmony.

Your friend
Trev
Yeah, I don't kill spiders, don't find them scary.

Unless the kids make me cuz there in their room.

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Originally posted by sumydid
I have a major insect phobia. Spiders and roaches are at the top of the list but I'm unusually terrified by all insects.

Imagine my horror on a recent night when the wife was out of town... I was watching TV about to drift off, when out of the corner of my eye I notice some movement. (I am highly conscious of insect movement and keep on watch every seco ...[text shortened]... s to get my heart rate back down to normal and never really got over it for a number of days.
Are you sure that wasn't a beetle? Sounds like a beetle.

You should go to India and get the boat to the Andaman islands, i promise you you won't be sharing your bed with several families of cockroach.

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Originally posted by Sunburnt
Yeah, I don't kill spiders, don't find them scary.

Unless the kids make me cuz there in their room.
My sisters kid (who is 3 in a couple of months) kills the spiders for her... i take partial blame for that, i used to torment her with spiders when we were kids.

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Originally posted by shortcircuit
Tell that to two of my friends who have lost fingers due to spider bites from brown recluse spiders.
Frankly, if you lose a finger to a brown recluse bite it's your own fault.
For one, they're not called "recluse" for nothing. You have to try to get bitten by one of them. Even Ozzies are aware that you shake out your shoes before you wear them, so it shouldn't be hard to remember for non-Convicts.
And besides, lost a finger? Get a proper doctor, mate. They're unpleasant, yeah... but they're treatable.

Richard

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Originally posted by Shallow Blue
Frankly, if you lose a finger to a brown recluse bite it's your own fault.
For one, they're not called "recluse" for nothing. You have to try to get bitten by one of them. Even Ozzies are aware that you shake out your shoes before you wear them, so it shouldn't be hard to remember for non-Convicts.
And besides, lost a finger? Get a proper doctor, mate. They're unpleasant, yeah... but they're treatable.

Richard
Tell that to two of my friends who have lost their homes due to bills from proper doctors.

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Originally posted by Shallow Blue
Frankly, if you lose a finger to a brown recluse bite it's your own fault.
For one, they're not called "recluse" for nothing. You have to try to get bitten by one of them. Even Ozzies are aware that you shake out your shoes before you wear them, so it shouldn't be hard to remember for non-Convicts.
And besides, lost a finger? Get a proper doctor, mate. They're unpleasant, yeah... but they're treatable.

Richard
Here's hoping one bites you in your sleep while your doctor is on vacation.

No harm, right mate??

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Originally posted by Trev33
Dear Mr/Mrs Spider

While i appreciate your late night wanderings i have one small bone to pick, in the last two days i've come across an insect flying around inside my home, once flying past the TV distracting me from the intriguing documentary the BBC is showing about the north and south poles. This is not acceptable, i see you, i can see something flying our cooperation we can once again continue to live in peace and harmony.

Your friend
Trev
Dear Trev33

Thank you for your letter. I would like to make the following points absolutely clear:

1. As far as I am aware there is no contractual agreement binding between us that lays down the terms of my employment with you. Exactly how many flies I catch has always been unsaid.
2. I have worked my guts out over the past year keeping your particularly squalid house free of insects and I have never received a word of gratitude, a pat on the back or indeed any sign that you even notice my hard work.
3. The crummy agency I got this job through warned me that you were a mealy mouthed pusillanimous old windbag, and that if ever you were to question my arachnid rights I should leave.
4. I am not going to leave. I am going to stay, but on one condition: you respect me as a spider. I don't mind the inferior quality of fly infesting your house, I can put up with the wretched TV on all the time, but I cannot work in conditions where I am not respected.
5. If I do not receive an apology by the morning I shall apply to the court of arachnid rights for an injunction.

Yours

Arabella (Miss)

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Originally posted by shortcircuit
Here's hoping one bites you in your sleep while your doctor is on vacation.
If it bites you in your sleep it's not a Brown Recluse.

And if you can't get a doctor for a reasonable price... well, that's the fault of the Republican Party, not of the spider. And I will grant that you have a real and serious issue, there - but you should put the blame on the right party. And that ain't the spider.

Richard

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If the spider is not doing his job then send in the bailiffs Mr Beer Glass and Mr Piece of Card. If he's not pulling his weight they will throw him out.