OK, I've search high and low and I finally found it! It is sung to the tune of the Beverly Hillbillies.
Here's a little story of a man named John,
A poor ex-marine with a little fraction gone.
It seems one night after gettin' with the wife,
She loped off his schlong with the swipe of a knife.
(penis, that is)
Well the next thing you know there a Ginsu by his side,
And Lorena's in the car takin Willie for a ride.
She soon got tired of her purple-headed friend
And tossed him out the car as she headed round the bend.
(picker shrubs, wheel hubs)
She sent to the cops and confessed to the attack.
And they called out the hounds just to get his weenie back.
They sniffied and they barked, then they pointed over there,
Too John Wayne's Henry that was wavin' in the air.
(By a fence, evidence)
Now Peter and John couldn't stay apart too long,
So a dic-doc said, Hey I can fix your dong.
A needle and some thread's just the thing you're gonna need.
And the world held its breath 'til they heard that Johnny peed.
(Stitched seam, straight stream)
Well, he healed and he hardened and he took his case to court
With a cock-eyed lawyer since his assets came up short.
They cleared her of assault and acquitted him of rape,
And his pecker was the only thing they didn't have on tape.
(Video, that is. unexposed, case closed)