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  1. Joined
    08 Dec '12
    Moves
    9224
    31 May '13 15:27
    Two friends meet on the street one day and one of them says, "My wife says if I play in the chess tournament tomorrow she'll take the kids and leave me." The other asks him, "So what are you going to do?" And the other answers, "Same as always, e4."
  2. Dublin Ireland
    Joined
    31 Oct '12
    Moves
    14235
    31 May '13 15:39
    Originally posted by KilgoreTrout15
    Two friends meet on the street one day and one of them says, "My wife says if I play in the chess tournament tomorrow she'll take the kids and leave me." The other asks him, "So what are you going to do?" And the other answers, "Same as always, e4."
    A 6 year old boy was asked what is your mommy
    going to call the new baby she is having?

    The 6 year old child replied, well if it's another boy
    they said they will call him Thomas

    and if it's a girl then they're going to call it quits.
  3. Joined
    08 Dec '12
    Moves
    9224
    31 May '13 15:52
    Originally posted by johnnylongwoody
    A 6 year old boy was asked what is your mommy
    going to call the new baby she is having?

    The 6 year old child replied, well if it's another boy
    they said they will call him Thomas

    and if it's a girl then they're going to call it quits.
    I believe the proper punchline is:
    "if it's a boy they'll call him Thomas.....and if it's another girl they'll call it quits".
  4. Joined
    08 Dec '12
    Moves
    9224
    31 May '13 15:54
    A chess master died - after a few days, a friend of his heard a voice; it was him!
    "What's it like, where you are now," he asked.
    "What do you want to hear first, the good news or the bad news."
    "Tell me the good news first."
    "Well, it's really heaven here. There are tournaments and blitz sessions going on all the time and Morphy, Alekhine, Lasker, Tal, Capablanca, Botvinnik, they're all here, and you can play them."
    "Fantastic!" the friend said, "and what is the bad news?"
    "You have Black against Capablanca on Saturday."
  5. Subscriberketchuplover
    G.O.A.T.
    Wisconsin USA
    Joined
    09 Dec '01
    Moves
    56583
    31 May '13 16:47
    🙄
  6. Standard memberSwissGambit
    Caninus Interruptus
    2014.05.01
    Joined
    11 Apr '07
    Moves
    92274
    31 May '13 17:33
    The pawn and the Queen usually lunched together at work, but the pawn informed the Queen that he didn't want to eat with her anymore. "Why?" the Queen asked. "I don't know", replied the pawn. "It's just...you've really changed since you got that promotion."
  7. Standard memberSwissGambit
    Caninus Interruptus
    2014.05.01
    Joined
    11 Apr '07
    Moves
    92274
    31 May '13 17:36
    Two Bishops walk into a bar. They see this hot Queen sitting there, but neither one hits on her. Finally, they finish their drinks and prepare to leave. The Queen asks them, "Why didn't you guys talk to me? Were you too intimidated by my beauty?" The Bishops replied, "No, it's just that your barstool was the wrong color."
  8. Standard memberSwissGambit
    Caninus Interruptus
    2014.05.01
    Joined
    11 Apr '07
    Moves
    92274
    31 May '13 20:45
    Originally posted by SwissGambit
    Two Bishops walk into a bar. They see this hot Queen sitting there, but neither one hits on her. Finally, they finish their drinks and prepare to leave. The Queen asks them, "Why didn't you guys talk to me? Were you too intimidated by my beauty?" The Bishops replied, "No, it's just that your barstool was the wrong color."
    I'm officially removing the 2nd Bishop from this joke. Works much better with only one.
  9. Subscribercoquette
    Already mated
    Omaha, Nebraska, USA
    Joined
    04 Jul '06
    Moves
    934941
    01 Jun '13 15:16
    Hello mate
  10. Subscribercoquette
    Already mated
    Omaha, Nebraska, USA
    Joined
    04 Jul '06
    Moves
    934941
    01 Jun '13 15:18
    by your leave, sir

    good knight

    hop to it

    look at that spring in his step

    nothing but horsing around, really (sigh)

    he speaks with forked tongue

    he's just been radiating since he's been put on center stage

    well, enough of this, i'm moving aside and stepping down a few rungs
  11. Standard memberGrampy Bobby
    Boston Lad
    USA
    Joined
    14 Jul '07
    Moves
    43012
    01 Jun '13 19:232 edits
    "We actually only have one j'adoube joke to share at the moment, but as most chess jokes are somewhat jaded, and this one is actually quite funny, we are not going to apologize too much!

    Two chess players, Vlad and Igor, decide to play a game of correspondence chess. The only problem is that Vlad is at the North Pole and Igor is at the South Pole, both at totally remote outposts. However, they have devised an ingenious scheme where every month, they arrange for a team of huskies to battle the elements from the respective base camps to the outposts in order to deliver the moves inside a weatherproof vial, strapped to a dog's neck.

    This plan works fine for a few years. By move 27, the game is reaching the critical middle game point, where a wrong move would mean disaster for either player. It is Vlad to move, and for some reason, Igor does not receive his move on the normal date. Two months pass, then three, then six, then a complete year. By now, Igor can hardly stand the suspense and is climbing the walls with frustration.

    Suddenly, he sees a team of huskies approaching through the blizzard outside. He rushes out, and with trembling hands, opens the container. He unfolds the paper and can hardly bear to look at it. He tentatively opens his eyes and scans what is written on the paper": Reveal Hidden Content
    j'adoube
    < [/out of order] Ha, (thechesszone.com)
  12. e4
    Joined
    06 May '08
    Moves
    25777
    02 Jun '13 02:351 edit
    A Black Rook and a White Bishop are in the bar, the Bishop has a beautiful black eye.

    "What happened to you?" asked the Rook.

    "My Queen punched me in the face." replied the Bishop.

    "Why did she do that?" asked the Rook.

    And the White Bishop pulled out his pocket set.

  13. Joined
    06 Feb '13
    Moves
    13105
    03 Jun '13 12:16
    That's really cool greenpawn.
  14. Joined
    06 Feb '13
    Moves
    13105
    19 Jun '13 08:38
    Originally posted by Tygert
    That's really cool greenpawn.
    I'm going to use this joke on someone.
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