Chess Joke

Two friends meet on the street one day and one of them says, "My wife says if I play in the chess tournament tomorrow she'll take the kids and leave me." The other asks him, "So what are you going to do?" And the other answers, "Same as always, e4."

Originally posted by KilgoreTrout15
Two friends meet on the street one day and one of them says, "My wife says if I play in the chess tournament tomorrow she'll take the kids and leave me." The other asks him, "So what are you going to do?" And the other answers, "Same as always, e4."

A 6 year old boy was asked what is your mommy
going to call the new baby she is having?

The 6 year old child replied, well if it's another boy
they said they will call him Thomas

and if it's a girl then they're going to call it quits.

Originally posted by johnnylongwoody
A 6 year old boy was asked what is your mommy
going to call the new baby she is having?

The 6 year old child replied, well if it's another boy
they said they will call him Thomas

and if it's a girl then they're going to call it quits.

I believe the proper punchline is:
"if it's a boy they'll call him Thomas.....and if it's another girl they'll call it quits".

A chess master died - after a few days, a friend of his heard a voice; it was him!
"What's it like, where you are now," he asked.
"What do you want to hear first, the good news or the bad news."
"Tell me the good news first."
"Well, it's really heaven here. There are tournaments and blitz sessions going on all the time and Morphy, Alekhine, Lasker, Tal, Capablanca, Botvinnik, they're all here, and you can play them."
"Fantastic!" the friend said, "and what is the bad news?"
"You have Black against Capablanca on Saturday."

🙄

The pawn and the Queen usually lunched together at work, but the pawn informed the Queen that he didn't want to eat with her anymore. "Why?" the Queen asked. "I don't know", replied the pawn. "It's just...you've really changed since you got that promotion."

Two Bishops walk into a bar. They see this hot Queen sitting there, but neither one hits on her. Finally, they finish their drinks and prepare to leave. The Queen asks them, "Why didn't you guys talk to me? Were you too intimidated by my beauty?" The Bishops replied, "No, it's just that your barstool was the wrong color."

Originally posted by SwissGambit
Two Bishops walk into a bar. They see this hot Queen sitting there, but neither one hits on her. Finally, they finish their drinks and prepare to leave. The Queen asks them, "Why didn't you guys talk to me? Were you too intimidated by my beauty?" The Bishops replied, "No, it's just that your barstool was the wrong color."

I'm officially removing the 2nd Bishop from this joke. Works much better with only one.

Hello mate

by your leave, sir

good knight

hop to it

look at that spring in his step

nothing but horsing around, really (sigh)

he speaks with forked tongue

he's just been radiating since he's been put on center stage

well, enough of this, i'm moving aside and stepping down a few rungs

"We actually only have one j'adoube joke to share at the moment, but as most chess jokes are somewhat jaded, and this one is actually quite funny, we are not going to apologize too much!

Two chess players, Vlad and Igor, decide to play a game of correspondence chess. The only problem is that Vlad is at the North Pole and Igor is at the South Pole, both at totally remote outposts. However, they have devised an ingenious scheme where every month, they arrange for a team of huskies to battle the elements from the respective base camps to the outposts in order to deliver the moves inside a weatherproof vial, strapped to a dog's neck.

This plan works fine for a few years. By move 27, the game is reaching the critical middle game point, where a wrong move would mean disaster for either player. It is Vlad to move, and for some reason, Igor does not receive his move on the normal date. Two months pass, then three, then six, then a complete year. By now, Igor can hardly stand the suspense and is climbing the walls with frustration.

Suddenly, he sees a team of huskies approaching through the blizzard outside. He rushes out, and with trembling hands, opens the container. He unfolds the paper and can hardly bear to look at it. He tentatively opens his eyes and scans what is written on the paper": Reveal Hidden Content < [/out of order] Ha, (thechesszone.com)

A Black Rook and a White Bishop are in the bar, the Bishop has a beautiful black eye.

"What happened to you?" asked the Rook.

"My Queen punched me in the face." replied the Bishop.

"Why did she do that?" asked the Rook.

And the White Bishop pulled out his pocket set.

That's really cool greenpawn.

Originally posted by Tygert
That's really cool greenpawn.

I'm going to use this joke on someone.