Chess jokes

A little board on a Saturday afternoon - pun/typo intended


"My wife told me that if I take part in this chess tournament then that's the last straw; she's leaving"

"So what are you going to do?"

"Open with 1.e4"

Two friends were having a conversation:

"So, last night I had Kasparov over for dinner."

"Cool! And how was it?"

"It was nice and all, but we had to eat a cold meal."

"Why is that?"

"We had a checkered tablecloth, and it took him one hour just to pass me the salt."

Q – Which group of women are the best chess players?

A – Feminists. Their opponents begin with King and Queen, but ‘they’ always start with 2 Queens.

Thought for the day


Are male chess players homosexual; well they all want to mate the King.



I will go away now.

I had a girlfriend who accused me of being obsessed with chess. Said it was affecting our sex life. So I agreed to take the chess clock off the nightstand. I still mated her in 7 moves.

A chess master died—after a few days, a friend of his, still among the living, heard an etherial voice; it was his friend, the late master!

"What's it like where you are now?" the friend asked.

"What do you want to hear first, the good news or the bad news?" said the master.

"Tell me the good news first."

"Well, it's really heaven here. There are tournaments and blitz sessions going on all the time. Morphy, Tschigorin, Alekhine, Lasker, Tal, Capablanca, Reti, Rubinstein, Nimzo, Keres, Botvinnik, Najdorf, they're all here, and you can play them."

"Fantastic!" the friend said, "and what's the bad news?"

"You have Black against Fischer on Saturday."