Well, you're chess nerds, science jokes should be you're thing eh? Well, how about these:
What kind of jokes are made of Cobalt, Radon, and Yttrium?
CoRnY
Some dates have called me a promotor. Others have referred to me as a real operator. Personally, I think I'm just a cute piece of DNA who is still looking for that special transcription factor to help me unwind
If I were an enzyme, I'd be DNA helicase...that way I could unzip your genes.
I wish I were your derivative so I could lie tangent to your curves.
So I was talking to Heisenburg the other day and I asked him, "Hows it going?" and he said, "Not so good..."
I asked "Why not so good?" and he said "Well.. it's the ladies.. I just cant get any!"
I said "Why not? I mean you'd think the ladies would be swarming you with international fame and all."
His reply was "Well, they are.. they are.. it's just when I've got the time I haven't got the energy and when I've got the energy I havent got the time...."
Q. Where does one put the dishes?
A. In the Zinc.
Two polypeptides are at a party. One walks up to the other and says, "hey baby, nice acid!"
What is the difference between a physicist, an engineer, and a mathematician?
If an engineer walks into a room and sees a fire in the middle and a bucket of water in the corner, he takes the bucket of water and pours it on the fire and puts it out.
If a physicist walks into a room and sees a fire in the middle and a bucket of water in the corner, he takes the bucket of water and pours it eloquently around the fire and lets the fire put itself out.
If a mathematician walks into a room and sees a fire in the middle and a bucket of water in the corner, he convinces himself there is a solution and leaves.
Q: Why does hamburger have lower energy than steak?
A: Because it's in the ground state.
Underaged Pb walks into a bar and the bartender tuns to the gold bouncer and says," Au, get the lead out!"
Q. What do you do when you find a dead chemist?
A. Barium.
A small piece of ice which lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Bunsen! my flame! I melt whenever I see you" said the ice. The Bunsen burner replied :"It's just a phase you're going through".
What weapon can you make from the elements potassium, nickel and iron?
A KNiFe.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Issac Newton: Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest, chickens in motion tend to cross roads.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends on your frame of reference.
Why did Carbon marry Hydrogen? They bonded well from the minute they met.
If H20 is water what is H204? Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming.
Q: How many theoretical physicists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: A theoretical physicist is one that is postulated to exist, but has never been actually observed in the laboratory.
What's the difference between Chemistry and cooking?
In Chemistry,you should never lick the spoon.
If a mole of moles, were digging a
mole of holes, what would you see?
A mole of molasses.
What do you call a black bird's wife?
chromate
What Io did before entering heaven?
iodide
Heisenberg is pulled over for speeding:
"Do you know how fast you were going?" the police officer asks, incredulously.
"No," replies Heisenberg, "but I know exactly where I am!"
Q: How many theoretical physicists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: They can't change light bulbs but they can run expensive computer
simulations which predict the lifetime of the bulb with order of magnitude
accuracy.
There's a bear in Alaska and a bear in Yosemite, which one drowns?
The one in Alaska because it's polar.
Two atoms are walking down the street.
Says one atom to the other, "Hey! I think I lost an electron!"
The other says, "Are you sure??"
"Yes, I'm positive!"
Little Willie was a chemist.
Little Willie is no more.
For what he thought was H2O,
Was H2SO4.
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate!
A student recognizes Einstein in a train and asks: Excuse me, professor, but does New York stop by this train?
A neutron walks into a restaurant and orders a couple of drinks As she is about to leave, she asks the waiter how much she owes. The waiter replies, "For you, No Charge!!!"
A mosquito cried out in pain:
"A chemist has poisoned my brain!"
The cause of his sorrow
was para-dichlorodiphenyltrich
loroethane
Teacher: What is the formula for water?
Student: H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O
Teacher: That's not what I taught you.
Student: But you said the formula for water was...H to O.
The experimentalist comes running excitedly into the theorist's office, waving a graph taken off his latest experiment. 'Hmmm,' says the theorist, 'That's exactly where you'd expect to see that peak. Here's the reason (long logical explanation follows).' In the middle of it, the experimentalist says 'Wait a minute', studies the chart for a second, and says, 'Oops, this is upside down.' He fixes it. 'Hmmm,' says the theorist, 'you'd expect to see a dip in exactly that position. Here's the reason...'.
A sign outside the chemistry hotel reads "Great Day Rates, Even Better NO3-'s"
Famous last words
Nuclear physicist: See, cold fusion does not work.
Nuclear physisist: What was the critical mass, exactly?
Physisist: And now we reach absolute zero.
Astronomer: That asteroid won't hit the Earth.
Chemist: And now the tasting test.
Chemist: And now a little bit from this...
Chemist: And now shake it a bit.
Chemist: Why is there no label on this bottle?
Chemist: In which glass was my mineral water?
Chemist: Why does that stuff burn with a green flame?!?
Chemist: First the acid, then the water...
Chemist: Oh no, wrong beaker...
Microbiologist: These bacteria cannot live outside the substrate.
Field biologist: They never attack humans.
Originally posted by abejnoodCute - this is why the forums are so great. Where else are you going to see this stuff?
So I was talking to Heisenburg the other day and I asked him, "Hows it going?" and he said, "Not so good..."
I asked "Why not so good?" and he said "Well.. it's the ladies.. I just cant get any!"
I said "Why not? I mean you'd think the ladies would be swarming you with international fame and all."
His reply was "Well, they are.. they are.. it's just when ...[text shortened]... aven't got the energy and when I've got the energy I havent got the time...."
