Ahem... a few years back, on a day off work, when I was still in the experimental stage of my narcotics consumption, and had decided that taking 5 trips one afternoon was a good idea, I remembered that the office Xmas bash was being held that night at a rather posh hotel in Leeds.
Totally on another plane to the rest of the planet, I decided to show up.
The party: I started talking to the Ice Sculpture that had pride of place in the middle of the buffet table, told my boss that I hoped she wasn't as fat for the next party. I also insulted one of my colleagues by asking him if I could squeeze his zits, threw up about 1m away from the toilet (I nearly got there, but my perception was skewed!).
Results: 3 months off sick (I was far too embarrassed to go back) before handing in my notice. Which I had off sick.
DON'T GO TO OFFICE PARTIES....EVER.
In the southern hemisphere, the Christmas decorations is a bit of a joke. I've got no real storys but one baking hot afternoon I remember blowing up condom balloons through my nose. Another time, a rather cute girl asked me to pass the ice, which I did orally. Never insulted anyone, though - that's suicide.
I just returned from my xmas party. One girl passed out face first in her Christmas Dinner whilst another serenaded me, to the tune of Wham's last christmas.
Last Christmas I gave you my a$$ - the very next day you put it away. She also did a very clumsy effort at dirty dancing. I bet she is looking forward to coming to work tomorrow.