![Heath Ledger was Straight [band auditions]](/img/uisvg/forum-heading/general.svg){kind=icon}
Ok, people, Heath Ledger was Straight is a new band in
the scene, more masculine that the Backdoor Boys, more suggestive
than the New Kids on the Floor, and as naughty as Meatloaf.
Its music style can be defined as Chinese Pink Country Punk, quite
an avant garde mix between Iggy Pop and Garth Brooks, latte and
with a twist of cinnamon.
If you are interested, we are searching for the following staff in order
to kick off the studio work and then prepare its amazing, bombastic
World Tour: Pink's not dead, oh no! 2008.
Guitarist
Ability to jump and roll on stage under the influence of alcohol and
pills, while wearing a lovely Couture cocktail dress and high heels.
It must posses a demonstrated record as ambiguously heterosexual
and a je ne se quois with the media, also known as ignorant
arrogance. Playing the guitar is an asset
Bass player
Fat, yet with a cute face and unbeatable skin, the bass player
should be able to play one string at a time, in simple sequences,
while holding a slim cigarette in the lips. The quiet type is prefered,
and preferably keen to commit suicide at some point after being
bullied by the rest of the band, mainly because of its traumatic
childhood. No ability with the press required, nor drags.
Drums
Are you ugly as hell? Then this position is for you. When putting
make up, you are expected to be creepy, not chic, and the main
ability we are searching is to be able to sweat a lot. Thai she-males
are encouraged. We are an equal opportunity employer!
Singer
Dark, mysterious, sophisticated. If you are that exotic mix between
David Bowie and Rudolph Giuliani, and you are able to drink as many
red bulls as possible without going for a pee, then our band is the
place for you. You are required to be promiscuous, agressive with the
paparazzi, and able to speak nonsense 24/7. Drug use is an asset.
Ability to sing not necessary, yet aprecciated. Shav: no need to apply
yet we could use an extra roadie
Roadie
We need a loser, preferably with a couple of divorces in the
curriculum. Able to carry heavy stuff and obtaining drugs even
when touring in muslim countries. If you used to be a roadie for
the Vanilla Ice World Tour, we want you!
Band-Aids
Unfortunately we cannot recruit under 18, yet if you look like it
and/or have a fake passport, you are welcome to join our thriving
meat department. You are expected to tolerate abuse, harrassment,
hunger and humilliation from the band members, and still be able
to cheer and yell backstage like a teenage on hormones.
Gender unimportant.
If you think you fulfill the criteria for one of the positions posted
above, please visit our website www.heathledgerwasstraight.co.uk
and leave your application, including a recent drug test, criminal
records, and a full color pic of yourself in a gross situation.
Or call 01-800-dead-celeb-4u and ask for more details.
New position, people!
Band manager
If you can smoke cigar, wear suspenders, smell bad and still have
the guts to approach young chicks, you are the manager we are
looking for. You must be able to come up with fantastic, unreal
plans and imaginary record label contracts, and then steal momey
with everybody noticing yet without complaints. Excesive use of
pepto bismol and looking like Christopher Walken: Total assets!
Apply online
Originally posted by Seitsewill a Alan Rickman lookalike do? ....
New position, people!
[b]Band manager
If you can smoke cigar, wear suspenders, smell bad and still have
the guts to approach young chicks, you are the manager we are
looking for. You must be able to come up with fantastic, unreal
plans and imaginary record label contracts, and then steal momey
with everybody noticing yet without complaints. ...[text shortened]... sive use of
pepto bismol and looking like Christopher Walken: Total assets!
Apply online[/b]