Home video shows

Home video shows


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Sewers of Holland

31 Jan 04
19 Jul 08
1 edit

Am I the only person bemused at how popular these mad-hat, comedy shows are?

I mean, I like a good laugh like the best of them. I laugh when someone hurts themselves, I wept tears of joy when I read about the bottom falling out a coffin whilst they were lowering it and I need Valium to calm down everytime America dives head first into another war...

So, hell, yeah. I have a sense of humour.

Have you ever sat in someone's house and they've sent chills up your spine by saying something along the lines of: "Do you want to see my holiday snaps?" Before the sentence finishes you know that your friend's wife is not going to be posing nude in them and you know that you're in for 2 hours of hellish frustration as you view BBQ's, trees, mountains and 'the terribly funny people in the next camper'.

Well, comparing the Twin towers fiasco to my friend Ray's holiday pictures from Australia (all 3.000 of them, of which, and I kid you not, 37 were of a red rock in the middle of the desert. And every photo after the first 12 I repeated: "That's all this country needs: A c^ck in a frock on a rock." ) isn't exaggerating.

And Home video shows are much like someone's holiday photography. Or someone's birth video (heaven forbid and hell destroy... PLEASE...). Or a train accident in a tunnel, filmed live with children screaming for help as they're roasted alive.

Just as parents who say to me: "Isn't he smart. He's already potty trained.", home video shows get on my mammary protuberances like a 10 pound clit ring. My blood boils at the mere thought.

I mean. How funny is watching some kid falling off his bike? And that's one of the funnier ones. OH HA HA bloody HA.
Now, if he falls off his bike and gets abducted by an Eagle or something... that's a home video I'd watch!

Or the animal ones.... Good grief.
"Oh look. Poochy is dancing on her hind legs. Brilliant dog, should be on broadway."
No it shouldn't. It should be put down, 'cause the vet's bills in 5 years time when it has arthritis are gonna be murder. Let's see the bastards laughing at that!

I wouldn't mind a home video of someone coming home and finding his wife shagging an escaped convict, a terrorist or a cars salesman or something. That I would enjoy.
But God no. It has to be a baby smearing pudding in its bloody face.


And that commentary. Where do they dig these people up from?
Especially when they're filling in what the animals are thinking.
"Oh, I think I'll have a nibble of his nuts." they project as Poochy accidentally misses the frisbee and bites Hank in the balls.

No. That's not what the mutt is thinking. He's thinking: "I'm gonna act like this is an accident and bite the psychotic bastard once and for all for kicking me every bloody night when I don't defecate in time for the football."

And the bloody weather sucks here in Holland as well.