How are you today?

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I think Trev has a team of goldfish assigned to that task.

(They seem to be thriving, in case anyone cares how they are doing.)

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I wonder if this is the kind of response you deliver when a cashier at a grocery store asks how you are. 😉

Edit: I did appreciate that post.

I generally reciprocate if a store clerk asks how I am, and am willing to hear how they actually are, or for it just to be a conventional, superficial exchange. Either way is fine with me.

However, it's a little awkward when I say, "Fine, thank you. How are you?" and they reply with silence -- but that's probably for the reason mentioned in your post: they don't want to say (none of my business) and they also don't want to lie.

[However, per John Milton: "The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of Hell, a hell of Heaven."]

I would agree that maybe "How's it going?" or "How are things?" would be a more polite inquiry, because of not being so focused on the other person, and allowing more scope for their reply (if any).

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There is nothing wrong with the words "How are you?" There may be something amiss with some of the people who use them. There may be something inadequate about how they are used sometimes. But there's nothing wrong with the words themselves.

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Harvard researchers.

Isn't this just another case of academics trying to tell everyone else how they should behave?

Some academics have never left school.

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Not necessarily so.

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That's why I also hand the store clerk a margarita when I ask.

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Indeed. Personalized words are preferable.

'Is your knee any better?' 'Are you still having trouble with your sleep?' 'How is that old dog of yours doing?' - Anything that shows a genuine connection, a memory, something nongeneric. (Although, even 'how are you' is fine if delivered in a non-superficial manner.)

@fmf said
Talking of "banal", this hyperbolic generalization is absurd.

I interact with Americans often (no surprise, I'm an American living in America), and her description of "How are you?" as used in America is spot on. It is a banal greeting not meant to elicit information, and any information actually given is blown off as unimportant, especially as it is most often used between people who do not know each other well.

That you see it as somehow an opportunity to gather information says much more about you than her.

@kevin-eleven said
Harvard researchers.

Isn't this just another case of academics trying to tell everyone else how they should behave?

Some academics have never left school.

Academics are people, just like you and me.

@suzianne said
I interact with Americans often (no surprise, I'm an American living in America), and her description of "How are you?" as used in America is spot on. It is a banal greeting not meant to elicit information, and any information actually given is blown off as unimportant, especially as it is most often used between people who do not know each other well.

If shallow people say shallow things to each other when they meet, what does it matter what words they use? The problem is not the question "How are you?" Itself being shallow.

@ghost-of-a-duke said
I agree in part. 'How are you today' has always seemed like an empty question, with the asker indeed having no genuine interest in your wellbeing. (This is perhaps a harsh generalized statement and more applicable to people serving you in coffee shops or stopping you in the street to get you to sign up to a particular charity etc.) But most times it is asked people ar ...[text shortened]... st in the answer, with us all having gone through similar experiences over the last year and a half.

I will still say "How are you?" to people as a basic, perfunctory greeting, especially if I don't know them. In America, we consider it far more rude to not greet at all, and so it seems this greeting has developed to fill that gap, and indeed, it is common to say "fine" or "good" or something along these lines (I used to say "Hanging in there" and the other would nod - nothing more need be said). I'll often add, "Thanks for asking."

When I'm greeting people I know, or haven't seen in a while, I'll say "How're you doing?" (or the far more colloquial "How you doing?" ) to indicate I'd actually like to know more. If I'm familiar with them and know they've had some difficulty, I might say, "How're you holding up?" followed by "Do you need anything?"