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I haven't given out a rec in months...

I haven't given out a rec in months...

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Originally posted by darvlay
Not counting my non-sub recs.

I'm dying to hit that button. Somebody here make me laugh. Tell me a joke, a funny story, something please! Make me forget about the dull, mundane work I do while surrounded by mountains of files and crusty old @ssholes. Please SOMEBODY!
What should you do, when a bird poos on your windscreen?




Don't take her out again.

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Originally posted by darvlay
Not counting my non-sub recs.

I'm dying to hit that button. Somebody here make me laugh. Tell me a joke, a funny story, something please! Make me forget about the dull, mundane work I do while surrounded by mountains of files and crusty old @ssholes. Please SOMEBODY!
What do you do with an elephant with three balls?

Walk him and pitch to the rhino.

(slow day, sorry)

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Originally posted by Checkmate187
Dancing monkeys are funny.

Just not this monkey.
Not as funny as flopping walri.

What country to pirates bring their gold to?
ARRRRRRgentina

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Originally posted by ark13
Not as funny as flopping walri.
You are only going to be able to ride your walrus for so long before people start to hate you. If you know what I mean.

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What kind of socks do pirates where?

Arrrrrrrrrgyle

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Originally posted by darvlay
Not counting my non-sub recs.

I'm dying to hit that button. Somebody here make me laugh. Tell me a joke, a funny story, something please! Make me forget about the dull, mundane work I do while surrounded by mountains of files and crusty old @ssholes. Please SOMEBODY!
Just as long as your not rec'ing that collosal whore Shavixmir I'm happy. His blistering collection of plagerized, cut n'paste bullsh!t is infuriating.

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Originally posted by Hand of Hecate
Just as long as your not rec'ing that collosal whore Shavixmir I'm happy. His blistering collection of plagerized, cut n'paste bullsh!t is infuriating.
Excuse me?
If I use anything from anybody else, I clearly state who wrote it.
Thank you very much.

Anyways, I was driving along as happy as could be and stopped at the first of 2 traffic lights before I hit the motorway. As I accelerated I noticed that my second gear wasn't working. Seriously!
When I drove away from the second traffic light, both my second and fourth gears weren't working! (So I could only use 1, 3 and 5).

By the time I reached my destination I was driving along, slightly less happy than could be, in my third gear! All other gears had packed it in.

I knew, after I'd seen the Italian infra-structure, I shouldn't have bought an Alfa Romeo. Any nation that can screw up a heritage such as the colosseum, can't be trusted to build proper cars.

The damage was okay. 65 euros and it shifts gears like never before.
But...

There's always a but(t)...

My brakes haven't been working too well. When you press the break-thingy down it hardly brakes and you have to pump it to get some serious action. Much like sex, but the exact opposite way around.
So, I asked them to check out my brakes as well:

The brake blocks are worn...and the distributer (or whatever...like I care) is leaking and there's hardly any brake-fluid left...360 euros!!

THREE HUNDRED AND SIXTY BLOODY EUROS!!! But I can't get it fixed 'till Wednesday.

And so the bets are on! Am I going to survive until Wednesday morning or will I drive myself to death in a great big unbraking ball of Italian made fire???

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I just remembered another one:

This pirate walks into a bar with a big ship's wheel down his pants. The bartender says, "Excuse me, sir, but do you know you have a ship's wheel down the front of your pants?"
"Aarrrrrr, it's driving me nuts"

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Originally posted by shavixmir
Excuse me?
If I use anything from anybody else, I clearly state who wrote it.
Thank you very much.

Anyways, I was driving along as happy as could be and stopped at the first of 2 traffic lights before I hit the motorway. As I accelerated I noticed that my second gear wasn't working. Seriously!
When I drove away from the second traffic light, both ...[text shortened]... ay morning or will I drive myself to death in a great big unbraking ball of Italian made fire???
That's a spicy meat-a-ball-uh!!!

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Originally posted by Coconut
You are only going to be able to ride your walrus for so long before people start to hate you. If you know what I mean.
I'm not riding a walrus, I am a walrus, if you know what I mean.

How did the pirate describe his journey?
ARRRRRduous

What's a pirate's favorite beer?
CAAAARRRlesburg

When asked how much he loves his mother, what did the pirate respond?
CAAARRRRnally

Bad jokes are the best kind, if you know what I mean.

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I flatly refuse to be your rec-slut Mr. Darvlay.

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Originally posted by ark13
I'm not riding a walrus, I am a walrus, if you know what I mean.

How did the pirate describe his journey?
ARRRRRduous

What's a pirate's favorite beer?
CAAAARRRlesburg

When asked how much he loves his mother, what did the pirate respond?
CAAARRRRnally

Bad jokes are the best kind, if you know what I mean.
Pirate jokes are the best kind if you know what i mean

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Originally posted by UmbrageOfSnow
Pirate jokes are the best kind if you know what i mean
You guys haven't even mentioned the best one...

Why couldn't the Pirate go see the movie?

'Cuz it was Rated Arrrrrrrgh

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Originally posted by darvlay
Not counting my non-sub recs.

I'm dying to hit that button. Somebody here make me laugh. Tell me a joke, a funny story, something please! Make me forget about the dull, mundane work I do while surrounded by mountains of files and crusty old @ssholes. Please SOMEBODY!
so the question is, HOW did they get crusty?

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Originally posted by sonhouse
so the question is, HOW did they get crusty?
Years of neglect! Remember guys, get your prostate checked regularly - if only to avoid barnacles around your balloon tie.