I haven't had a proper night's sleep for more than a week now (altogether: "awwwww"😉 and when I stumbled to the car this morning I wasn't feeling quite myself; slightly day-dreamerish, one could say.
The day-dream came to an abrubt end when I reached my car. A dog had poo'd on the windscreen.
Now. I contemplated how this could have happened, as I stepped into my car, and I came up with two basic theories:
Theory 1: It was a massive bloody dog.
It lifted its leg and shat on my window. A dog that size would be HUMUNGOUS! In fact, it may well have been a giraffe-sized dog. Not the sort of dog one would want to bump into on a dark night in a skanky alley...
Theory 2: It was a flying dog.
No. Hear me out on this one.
My car was parked near some flats. It could be the dog accidently jumped off the 6th floor balcony. Realising its mistake it poo'd its pants on top of my car and fell to an untimely end.
The lack of dead dog behind my car could be due to the owner running down to scrape it off the ground.
The owner would have had other things on his mind, other than searching my car for traces of fear.
And so I found myself in my car wondering what to do. I mean, there was no way in hell I was going to drive around town with a dog turd on my windscreen. That would look really silly.
I basically had two options open to me:
Option 1: Scrape it off with a CD cover.
The mere thought of going anywhere near it with my fingers turned my stomach though. So I opted for:
Option 2: Use the wind shield wipers
This turned out to be not quite an as excellent idea as I had hoped.
Instead of removing the dog turd, it just smeared it all over the windscreen. It was then I remembered that my windscreen spray doesn't work.
Needless to say, there was quite a bit of embarrassment and giggling at the petrol station as I cleaned my bloody windscreen.
At work I was telling folks about the god awful start to my day and someone said: "Maybe the owner lifted the dog onto the car."
Who on earth would do such a thing??? And how did he know his dog needed to poo???
And another collegue hinted: "How do you know it was a dog's turd?"
And that's basically where today's drama ends. It looks like someone took the trouble to climb onto my car, pull down his (or her) pants and shite on my wind screen.
There are some seriously disturbed folks out there...I tells ya!
Originally posted by shavixmirI'd love to live for just one day in your shoes 🙂
I haven't had a proper night's sleep for more than a week now (altogether: "awwwww"😉 and when I stumbled to the car this morning I wasn't feeling quite myself; slightly day-dreamerish, one could say.
The day-dream came to an abrubt end when I reached my car. A dog had poo'd on the windscreen.
Now. I contemplated how this could have happened, as I ste ...[text shortened]... my wind screen.
There are some seriously disturbed folks out there...I tells ya!
Originally posted by shavixmiri find this thread hideously offensive and DEMAND that it be removed, pronto!
I haven't had a proper night's sleep for more than a week now (altogether: "awwwww"😉 and when I stumbled to the car this morning I wasn't feeling quite myself; slightly day-dreamerish, one could say.
The day-dream came to an abrubt end when I reached my car. A dog had poo'd on the windscreen.
Now. I contemplated how this could have happened, as I ste ...[text shortened]... my wind screen.
There are some seriously disturbed folks out there...I tells ya!
Originally posted by shavixmirNow. I contemplated how this could have happened, as I stepped into my car, and I came up with two basic theories
Both of your theories pale in comparison to (what I believe is) the solution. Let's call this theory number three.
You are a regular poster on these assorted forums and threads.
A large proportion of your posts are tantamount to fecal value.
Someone was given access to your whereabouts, who also enjoys access to this website.
That 'someone' made arrangements for said deposit to be positioned on your windshield, in a fecal-for-fecal type of retribution gesture.
This is not an iron-clad theory, just one that has been accepted by the majority of scientists who have reviewed the matter, er, issue. Of course, there is the aberrant (and highly speculative) theory being bandied about by some marginalized anti-teenagers, which suggests this could be the work of bored, random teens, but their 'poop in the gaps' is untestable.
Among the theories available, number three appears most conducive with the evidence at hand.
Originally posted by FreakyKBHYes. In hind-sight, this does sound credible.
[b]Now. I contemplated how this could have happened, as I stepped into my car, and I came up with two basic theories
Both of your theories pale in comparison to (what I believe is) the solution. Let's call this theory number three.
You are a regular poster on these assorted forums and threads.
A large proportion of your posts are tantamount to ...[text shortened]... mong the theories available, number three appears most conducive with the evidence at hand.[/b]
However, the main suspect of such a dastardly deed has already pleaded innocence and has frequented my blog with a solid alibi!
Surely there can't be more such creatures inhabiting the fora?
Originally posted by shavixmirI would have thought that the main suspect frequenting your blog with a solid would only have added to suspicion 😉
Yes. In hind-sight, this does sound credible.
However, the main suspect of such a dastardly deed has already pleaded innocence and has frequented my blog with a solid alibi!
Surely there can't be more such creatures inhabiting the fora?
Originally posted by shavixmirHowever, the main suspect
Yes. In hind-sight, this does sound credible.
Surely there can't be more such creatures inhabiting the fora?
The main suspect? Isn't this akin to determining which person got tired of hearing "Candle in the Wind," after Princess Di's death?
You are more likely to find fewer who did not think of discharging on your windshield.