Several have suggested that the time is right for another Ivory Tower thread to address issues related to relationships, dating, and the like. There are many young people on the site that have all kinds of mush put in their brains and they need some solid, realistic advice based on truth and experience. All are welcome to have input as this is about community learnin. Young people, do not be afraid to ask questions. This will be a safe place to explore these issues and we, or at least I, will give you straight up advice.
OK, I have received a pm from a young person on the site who is a little embarrassed and I told him I would post his question and respond.
"Professor, I go to church and as you know being a preacher that people tend to dress up and look better. I find myself amazed at how good looking girls are in church. I struggle with feelings of attraction and I feel all confused. What should I do? Am I normal?"
Well, Of course you are normal. Church can be a very confusing place for young people around the issue of sexuality and attraction. Your body is doing all kinds of stuff that you don't understand and you may not have anyone to talk to about it. That's why I'm here. To set you right. Don't get all focused on guilt and sin with this. Save that for things like stealing and murder. It is important to feel good about you. Girls dress up because they want boys to notice. Don't deprive them of that. Take cheerleaders for example. There's a reason they wear those skimpy outfits. When you get older the outfits will get even skimpier.
OK, a good start. Who's next?
Dear Professor you have guided me in many forums previously such as Looking for a wife and My Perfect date. In these forums I am ganged up on because of my ideas on what I am looking for in a relationship.
To sum up these posts I am more mature now then I was when I first became sexually active about 10 years ago or so. I have grown up to realize relationships are not all about sex, all though it is a benefit. The point I am making is in the past year or so all of my relationships have been sexually based that is based entirely on sexual and physical attraction.
I know I am a young man and have my whole life ahead of me to have more children and get married and settle down, but it is my inner most desire to have the companion that is meant for me to have.
Sir I am a realist and realize fine honeys dont grow on trees. Am I as a full blooded american male wrong for wanting more than just a sexually based relationship. Am I wrong for wanting to be loved for who I am unconditionally. Am I truly living in a fantasy world as everyone else seems to think. I am not asking for me to be prince charming and find me a cinderella amongst the ashes and sweep her away and have 50 billion kids, All I am asking for is someone who I can love who loves me who I can spend time with. Get to know them spend more time with them and fall in love the good old fashion way. Again I am a realist and I do realize these things take time.
In the past after I thought a relationship has been going well and both of us seem to be really into each other I bring up the subject of marriage or committment, and low and behold I seem to lose what I had. I seem to scare potential brides away. the relationship was fine before but approaching the subject of committment I drove them away. Am I doing something wrong? I am only being myself and I am being honest.
Doc I know you are busy with all of your classes and I have addressed quite a few issues in this post but I would appreciate your honest feedback.
I feel as though I am an honest hard working single father of one who has alot to offer.
Now I will sit back and hear the verdict...
Originally posted by deathbypawnI have a question for you first. Do you belive that there is one person out there that is intended for you?
Dear Professor you have guided me in many forums previously such as Looking for a wife and My Perfect date. In these forums I am ganged up on because of my ideas on what I am looking for in a relationship.
To sum up these posts I am more mature now then I was when I first became sexually active about 10 years ago or so. I have grown up to realize rel ...[text shortened]... rking single father of one who has alot to offer.
Now I will sit back and hear the verdict...
Originally posted by deathbypawnI will try to sum it up for you as simply as I can.
Dear Professor you have guided me in many forums previously such as Looking for a wife and My Perfect date. In these forums I am ganged up on because of my ideas on what I am looking for in a relationship.
To sum up these posts I am ...[text shortened]... has alot to offer.
Now I will sit back and hear the verdict...
My grandmother sat me down when I was twenty and said "Mike, find a woman that can cook and mary her".
I did. We have been married for 11 years, have three kids, one dog, one cat, and a pup on the way in march, and all the happiness in the world.
Sound advise.
Mike
Originally posted by rapalla7Obviously it was not necessary for you to find fulfillment by checking out the other 2,999,999,999 women first.
I will try to sum it up for you as simply as I can.
My grandmother sat me down when I was twenty and said "Mike, find a woman that can cook and mary her".
I did. We have been married for 11 years, have three kids, one dog, one cat, and a pup on the way in march, and all the happiness in the world.
Sound advise.
Mike
Originally posted by rapalla7Thanks Mike...Good Luck on the new pup
I will try to sum it up for you as simply as I can.
My grandmother sat me down when I was twenty and said "Mike, find a woman that can cook and mary her".
I did. We have been married for 11 years, have three kids, one dog, one cat, and a pup on the way in march, and all the happiness in the world.
Sound advise.
Mike
Originally posted by kirksey957God said ask and it wil be given unto you. I have asked and prayed (trying not to turn this into a religious forum) to God for him to send me someone special to share this world with. I know He will deliver it is just a matter of timing that is all.
Where did you get that though? Is there some place in the Bible where God says that?
Originally posted by deathbypawnDPP, Stop looking for trouble when it spend all of it's time looking for you.
I believe that God made someone for me. Someone who is perfectly made just for me. With all of her faults and skeletons and wonderful mishaps...along with the good as well.
What I mean is that you should get on with your life, be a good person do your own thing. I guarantee there is a woman out there doing the same thing. You will meet her, when your paths cross. When you do, you will both be in the same state of mind. You will be sick of dating, sick of the bar scene, etc etc. You will get together and you will hold eachother as though you are living the last moment on earth. You will get there, You will find the one.
Mike
Originally posted by rapalla7That is the moment I am so looking foward to.
DPP, Stop looking for trouble when it spend all of it's time looking for you.
What I mean is that you should get on with your life, be a good person do your own thing. I guarantee there is a woman out there doing the same thing. You will meet her, when your paths cross. When you do, you will both be in the same state of mind. You will be sick of d ...[text shortened]... gh you are living the last moment on earth. You will get there, You will find the one.
Mike