A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
😲 :'(
Insurance Fraud
A San Diego County man, having purchased a case of rare, very expensive cigars, insured them against ... get this ...fire. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of fabulous cigars, and having yet to make a single premium payment on the policy, the man filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the man stated that he had lost the cigars in "a series of small fires." The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigars in a normal fashion. The man sued...and won. In delivering his ruling, the judge stated that since the man held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable, and also guaranteed that it would insure the cigars against fire, without defining what it considered to be "unacceptable fire," it was obligated to compensate the insured for his loss. Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the judge's ruling and paid the man
$15,000 for the rare cigars he lost in "the fires."
After the man cashed his check, however, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of arson. With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used as evidence against him, the man was convicted of intentionally burning the rare cigars and sentenced to 24 consecutive one year terms.
The truth behind the story.
http://www.snopes.com/crime/clever/cigarson.asp
An actor kept going to an audition which he didn't get. When he asked why afterwards they said it was because of his name (penis van lesbien). A year on the man who auditioned him saw him at a showbiz party. He said "I was wrong then, you've done really well for yourself, what did you do" and then he says "I took your advice and changed my name"
"What to?"
Dick van dyke :-)
I guess it's pretty old but it made me laugh 🙂
What a woman says:
This place is a mess! C'mon,
You and I need to clean up,
Your stuff is lying on the floor
and you'll have no clothes to wear
if we don't do laundry right now!
What a man hears:
blah, blah, blah, blah, C'MON
YOU AND I blah, blah, blah
blah, blah ON THE FLOOR
blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES, blah
blah, blah, blah, blah, RIGHT NOW!
Here is a real joke.
How different religions fight fire:
During a recent gathering of different faiths, a secretary rushed in
shouting, "The building is on fire!"
The Methodists gathered in the corner and prayed.
The Baptists cried, "Where is the water?"
The Quakers quietly praised God for the blessings that fire brings.
The Lutherans posted a notice on the door declaring the fire was evil.
The Roman Catholics passed the plate to cover the damage.
The Jews posted symbols on the door hoping the fire would pass.
The Congregationalists shouted, "Every man for himself!"
The Episcopalians formed a procession and marched out.
The Fundamentalists proclaimed, "It's the vengeance of God!"
The Christian Scientists concluded that there was no fire.
The Presbyterians appointed a chairperson who was to appoint a committee to look into the matter and submit a written report.
The Pentecostals said, "It's the Holy Spirit!"
The Muslims vowed that the fire was a declaration of Holy War.
The Seventh Day Adventists were not in attendance because they did not like the day that the meeting was held.
The Amish formed a bucket brigade.
The Worldwide Church of God made an award winning video of the whole event, sold the video and made only enough money to cover the cost of production.
The Televangelists declared that the fire was retribution for the sins of the church. Please call and pledge generously if you want this message to continue.
Meanwhile, the secretary grabbed the fire extinguisher and put the fire out.
The Mormons, having arrived fifteen minutes late, missed the fire
completely!