Man to librarian: "Where would I find books about suicide?"
Librarian: "Fourth aisle on the left, top shelf"
Man thanks her and walks off. Comes back a few minutes later and
says, "I found the place but that shelf is completely empty!"
Librarian: "Yes funny thing that... people never seem to bring them
back..."
Rhymester
Originally posted by RhymesterI did get the suicide joke....I was just trying to be funny. It's the trying
LOL This a joke thread not a lonely hearts club! 😉
Anyway, just think why the man wants that kind of book...
that counts right? 😳
--
Someone just put your (yes you, Rhymester, you trouble maker) post
up for moderation (the one about this not being a lonely hearts club
in reference to me - you cheeky bastard! 😉). I've accepted it because
I'm not sure what's wrong with it...if whoever alerted it wants it gone
then email me saying why. (the_squirrel_lover@hotmail.com)
--
With apologies to the Christian church...
Our Lager...dedicated to Dr. Brain, the beer guzzler.
Our Lager
Which art in barrels,
Hallowed be thy drink.
Thy will be drunk,
I will be drunk,
At home as in the tavern.
Give us this day our foamy head,
And forgive us our spillages,
As we forgive those who spill against us.
And lead us not into incarceration,
But deliver us from hangovers.
For thine is the Beer, The Bitter, and the Lager,
Barmen
Mark
Edit add on: I can't take the credit for this...I could never make
something like this up!
this one is not mine; it's paraphrased from Chernev's "The Bright Side
of Chess" with my additions:
A woman walks into the kitchen to find her husband playing chess
against a dog. Not only that but the dog seems to be doing quite well.
"This is incredible," says the wife. "You've actually taught a dog to
play chess. (all the while thinking 'Now maybe he'll stop pestering me
to play the damn game!)"
The man looks up in agitation and runs his hand through his hair.
"Wonderful, nothing," he says bitterly.
"He's beaten me the last two games out of three."
If only I didn't have to keep this thread clean...
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the
pearly gates. "In honour of the season," Saint Peter said, "you must
each possess something that symbolises Christmas to get into
heaven on this holy day."
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter.
He flicked it on. "It represents a holy candle," he said.
"You may pass through the pearly gates," Saint Peter said.
The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys.
He shook them and said "They're bells."
Saint Peter said "You may pass through the pearly gates."
The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and
finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.
"What do these symbolise?" Saint Peter asked. The man
replied, "They're Carols."
Originally posted by T1000A blond goes to a docte and says "ive got a pain all over my body. if
Man goes to see a doctor, he says: "I've broken my
arm in several places." The doctor sighs, "well, the simple answer is
just don't go there any more."
Mark
i touch my knee it hurts, id i touch my neck it hurts and if i touch my
foot, that hurts too. is this rare". The docter says " This isnt that
rare, yopuve just broken your finger." LOL
😀😀😀😀😀😀
soz its not really that funny.
David
