Subject: Marriage Counseling
A husband and wife came for counseling after 40 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 40 years they had been married. She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of un-met needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.
Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately. The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze. The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?" The husband thought for a moment and replied,..
"Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish."
Originally posted by arrakisHaha, nice. 🙂
Subject: Marriage Counseling
A husband and wife came for counseling after 40 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 40 years they had been married. She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and ...[text shortened]... ..
"Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish."
My mom sent me this in an email:
WEATHER BULLETIN
Up here, in the "Mile-Hi City", we just recovered from a Historic event --- may I even say a "Weather Event" of "Biblical Proportions" --- with a historic blizzard of up to 44" inches of snow and winds to 90 MPH that broke trees in half, knocked down utility poles, stranded hundreds of motorists in lethal snow banks, closed ALL roads, isolated scores of communities and cut power to 10's of thousands, canceled over 2000 flights which stranded thousands of passengers in the airport.
FYI:
George Bush did not come.
FEMA did nothing.
No one howled for the government.
No one blamed George Bush or the government.
No one even uttered an expletive on TV.
Jesse Jackson or Al Sharpton did not visit.
Our Mayor did not blame George Bush or anyone else.
Our Governor did not blame George Bush or anyone else, either.
CNN, ABC, CBS, FOX or NBC did not visit - or report on this category 5 snowstorm. Nobody demanded $2,000 debit cards.
No one asked for a FEMA Trailer House.
No one looted.
Nobody - I mean Nobody demanded the government do something.
Nobody expected the government to do anything, either.
No Larry King, No Bill O'Rielly, No Oprah, No Chris Mathews and No Geraldo Rivera.
No Shaun Penn, No Barbara Striesand, No Hollywood types to be found.
Nope, we just melted the snow for water.
Sent out caravans of SUV's to pluck people out of snow engulfed cars.
The truck drivers pulled people out of snow banks and didn't ask for a penny.
Local restaurants made food and the police and fire departments delivered it to the snowbound families.
Families took in the stranded people - total strangers.
We fired up wood stoves, broke out coal oil lanterns or Coleman lanterns.
We put on extra layers of clothes because up here it is "Work or Die".
We did not wait for some affirmative action government to get us out of a mess created by being immobilized by a welfare program that trades votes for 'sittin at home' checks.
Even though a Category "5" blizzard of this scale has never fallen this early, we know it can happen and how to deal with it ourselves.
"In my many travels, I have noticed that once one gets north of about 48 degrees North Latitude, 90% of the world's social problems evaporate."
It does seem that way, at least to me. I hope this gets passed on.
Maybe SOME people will get the message. The world does Not owe you a living
Originally posted by Ice ColdI bet you a poor black guy wrote that!!
My mom sent me this in an email:
WEATHER BULLETIN
Up here, in the "Mile-Hi City", we just recovered from a Historic event --- may I even say a "Weather Event" of "Biblical Proportions" --- with a historic blizzard of up to 44" inches of snow and winds to 90 MPH that broke trees in half, knocked down utility poles, stranded hundreds of motorists in le ...[text shortened]...
Maybe SOME people will get the message. The world does Not owe you a living
Originally posted by Ice ColdDespite not making me laugh, I've got to say I liked it.
My mom sent me this in an email:
WEATHER BULLETIN
Up here, in the "Mile-Hi City", we just recovered from a Historic event --- may I even say a "Weather Event" of "Biblical Proportions" --- with a historic blizzard of up to 44" inches of snow and winds to 90 MPH that broke trees in half, knocked down utility poles, stranded hundreds of motorists in le ...[text shortened]...
Maybe SOME people will get the message. The world does Not owe you a living
From a chess movie - "I heard life was tough, I never heard it was fair."
Job Application
An applicant was filling out a job application. When he came to the
question, "Have you ever been arrested?" he wrote, "No."
The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the previous question, was "Why?"
The applicant answered it anyway: "Never got caught."
Originally posted by arrakisI bet you a poor black guy wrote that!!
Job Application
An applicant was filling out a job application. When he came to the
question, "Have you ever been arrested?" he wrote, "No."
The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the previous question, was "Why?"
The applicant answered it anyway: "Never got caught."
Early one morning Sally found her husband Bob sitting alone at the kitchen table with the lights dimmed and drinking a glass of warm milk. When she approached him she noticed he had been crying.
"What's wrong?" She asked.
"I was just thinking about the day we got married."
Touched that her husband of so many years was finally expressing himself emotionally after all their years together she placed her hand on his shoulder and told him how much she loved him too.
"Remember how angry your father was when he caught us in the barn?" Bob asked his wife who now also had tears in her eyes.
"Yes. He pointed his shotgun at you and said either marry my daugher or I'll see you go to prison for 20 years" she mused.
Bob took a long sip of milk then gently placed the glass down on the table. He wiped a tear from the corner of his eye as he looked up at his wife and said "Did you know that today is the day I would have been released from prison?"
Originally posted by arrakisDude, have you been spying on me?😉
Subject: Marriage Counseling
A husband and wife came for counseling after 40 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 40 years they had been married. She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and ...[text shortened]... ..
"Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish."