So Bob slouches in the other day, sits at the bar and says our days are numbered. Bob--- by far--- is my best customer. His habit has already put my oldest through college and I have two more to go.
"What's up, Bob?"
He says after the last time he was in, when he finally stumbled home, his wife read him the riot act: throwing up on his shirt after having a few too many at my place.
I'm swimming, sinking and thinking fast. I have to keep this guy on the line, right?
"Hey, Bob. Next time something like that happens, just put a $10 bill in your pocket and when she meets you at the door, just tell her it was some random guy who threw up on your shirt, felt so bad about it, he gave you $10 to clean up his mess."
Bob lights up. Loves it. Orders several rounds and eventually stumbles home to try it out.
I heard later when he got home, Mrs. Bob met him at the door.
"You've been drinking AGAIN! I can tell because you've thrown up all over your shirt again!"
Bob launches into our prearranged response, pulls out the bill as proof.
"That's a $20 bill, Bob!" his wife objects.
"Oh yeah," says Bob, obviously thinking ahead for this moment,"he also crapped my pants!"
Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man walking with his legs spread apart. He was stiff-legged and walking slowly.
One student said to his friend: "I'm sure that poor old man has Peltry Syndrome. Those people walk just like that."
The other student says: "No, I don't think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome. He walks slowly and his legs are apart, just as we learned in class."
Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man. They approached him and one of the students said to him, "We're medical students and couldn't help but notice the way you walk, but we couldn't agree on the syndrome you might have. Could you tell us what it is?"
The old man said, "I'll tell you, but first you tell me what you two fine medical students think."
The first student said, "I think it's Peltry Syndrome."
The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong."
The other student said, "I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome."
The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong."
So they asked him, "Well, old timer, what do you have?"
The old man said, "I thought it was GAS - but I was wrong, too!"