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Aussie Army!

Life in the Australian Army...

Text of a letter from a kid from Eromanga to Mum and Dad. (For Those of you not in the know, Eromanga is a small town, west of Quilpie in the far south west of Queensland )

Dear Mum & Dad,

I am well. Hope youse are too. Tell me big brothers Doug and Phil that the Army is better than workin' on the farm - tell them to get in bloody quick smart before the jobs are all gone! I wuz a bit slow in settling down at first, because ya don't hafta get outta bed until 6am. But I like sleeping in now, cuz all ya gotta do before brekky is make ya bed and shine ya boots and clean ya uniform. No bloody cows to milk, no calves to feed, no feed to stack - nothin'!! Ya haz gotta shower though, but its not so bad, coz there's lotsa hot water and even a light to see what ya doing!

At brekky ya get cereal, fruit and eggs but there's no kangaroo steaks or possum stew like wot Mum makes.. You don't get fed again until noon and by that time all the city boys are buggered because we've been on a 'route march' - geez its only just like walking to the windmill in the back paddock!!

This one will kill me brothers Doug and Phil with laughter. I keep getting medals for shootin' - dunno why. The bullseye is as big as a bloody possum's arse and it don't move and it's not firing back at ya like the Johnsons did when our big scrubber bull got into their prize cows before the Ekka show last year! All ya gotta do is make yourself comfortable and hit the target - it's a piece of piss!! You don't even load your own cartridges, they comes in little boxes, and ya don't have to steady yourself against the rollbar of the roo shooting truck when you reload!

Sometimes ya gotta wrestle with the city boys and I gotta be real careful coz they break easy - it's not like fighting with Doug and Phil and Jack and Boori and Steve and Muzza all at once like we do at home after the muster.
Turns out I'm not a bad boxer either and it looks like I'm the best the platoon's got, and I've only been beaten by this one bloke from the Engineers - he's 6 foot 5 and 15 stone and three pick handles across the shoulders and as ya know I'm only 5 foot 7 and eight stone wringin' wet, but I fought him till the other blokes carried me off to the boozer.

I can't complain about the Army - tell the boys to get in quick before word gets around how bloody good it is.

Your loving daughter,

Sheila

that's a good one.

LMAO - yeah i liked that one - kinda reminded me of one about the Irish:

Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering whom to invade next when his telephone rang.

"Hello, Mr. Hussein!", a heavily accented voice said. "This is Patrick down at the Harp Pub in County Sligo, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on ya!"

"Well, Patrick," Saddam replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"

"Right now," said Patrick, after a moment's calculation, "there is meself, me cousin Sean, me next door neighbor Seamus, and the entire dart team from the pub. That makes eight!"

Saddam paused. "I must tell you Patrick, that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command."

"Begorra!", said Patrick. "I'll have to ring ya back!"

Sure enough, the next day, Patrick called again. "Mr. Hussein, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"

"And what equipment would that be, Patrick?" Saddam asked.

"Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor."

Saddam sighed. "I must tell you, Patrick, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to 1-1/2 million since we last spoke."

"Saints preserve us!" said Patrick. "I'll have to get back to ya."

Sure enough, Patrick rang again the next day. "Mr. Hussein, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We've modified Harrigan's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four lads from the Shamrock Pub have joined us as well!"

Saddam was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you, Patrick, that I have 1,000 bombers and 2,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"

"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!", said Patrick, "I'll have to ring ya back."

Sure enough, Patrick called again the next day. "Top o' the mornin', Mr. Hussein! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war."

"I'm sorry to hear that," said Saddam. "Why the sudden change of heart?"

"Well," said Patrick, "we've all had a long chat over a bunch o' pints, and decided there's no way we can feed two million prisoners."

Originally posted by MCA
LMAO - yeah i liked that one - kinda reminded me of one about the Irish:

Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering whom to invade next when his telephone rang.

"Hello, Mr. Hussein!", a heavily accented voice said. "This is Patrick down at the Harp Pub in County Sligo, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on ya!" ...[text shortened]... can feed two million prisoners."

Originally posted by liquidator
Very good 😀 😀 😀