Paddy and Mick are at work, and paddy sees Mick with a cylyndrilcal metal object at teatime. Paddy asked...
"Mick, what's that you've got there ?"
"This, is a thermos flask Paddy"
"A thermos flask ? What does that do ? "
"It keeps hot things hot, and cold things cold"
"Really ? That's great, i'll need to get me one of those"
Next week, Paddy and Mick meet at lunch time, and Paddy proudly pulls out his shiney new thermos flask.....
"Hey paddy, i see you have a new flask there"
"Yeah, i got it yesterday"
"What have you got in it ?"
"Three cups of coffee, and two Ice cream cones" 😛
A man wakes up one morning in Alaska to find a bear on his
roof.
So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an
ad for "Bear Removers."
He calls the number, and the bear remover says he'll be over
in 30 minutes.
The bear remover arrives, and gets out of his van.
He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old
pit bull.
"What are you going to do," the homeowner asks?
"I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm
going to go up there
and knock the bear off the roof with this baseball bat.
When the bear falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his
testicles and not let go.
The bear will then be subdued enough for me to put him in
the cage in the back of the van."
He hands the shotgun to the homeowner.
"What's the shotgun for?" asks the homeowner.
"If the bear knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog."
I have a good one.
An Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman are fighting in Iraq. They all get captured by rebel forces and are taken to meet osama bin laden. Bin Laden tells them "you will all be executed on national television to make an example of what happens to those who oppose us, however I am a harsh but fair terrorist and I offer you each one last request".
The Scotsman says, I would like 100 scots soldiers in kilts to play flower of scotland on bagpipes. Bin Laden says "ok, done"
The Irishman says, I would like 100 irishmen to dance me the riverdance one last time. Bin Laden Says "ok, that can be arranged also"
Bin Laden then turns to the Englishman and says "so what will your last request be?"
The Englishman says "Shoot me first"
Originally posted by Ice ColdNow that was funny.
A man wakes up one morning in Alaska to find a bear on his
roof.
So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an
ad for "Bear Removers."
He calls the number, and the bear remover says he'll be over
in 30 minutes.
The bear remover arrives, and gets out of his van.
He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old
pit bu ...[text shortened]... sks the homeowner.
"If the bear knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog."