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  1. Standard memberGrampy Bobby
    Boston Lad
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    08 Feb '15 04:361 edit
    Paraprosdokians

    "They are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently humorous. (Winston Churchill loved them) Enjoy!" An email received from an old family friend in Massachusetts Saturday, February 07, 2015. Subject: Humor de Jour. Love "4." lol Your own original and quoted Paraprosdokians are welcome.

    "1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

    2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.

    3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

    4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

    5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

    6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

    7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit.. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

    8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

    9. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

    10. In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, Notify:' I put 'DOCTOR'.

    11. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think
    they are sexy. (ever been to WAL MART)

    12. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

    13. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure..

    14. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

    15. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

    16. You're never too old to learn something stupid.

    17. I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it’s getting harder and harder for me to find one now."

    18.
  2. SubscriberFMF
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    This Thread
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    08 Feb '15 04:53
    Originally posted by Grampy Bobby
    Your own original and quoted Paraprosdokians are welcome.
    Do you have any original Paraprosdokians of your own?
  3. SubscriberLEUR
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    08 Feb '15 15:42
    "He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house."
    Zsa Zsa Gabore
  4. SubscriberLEUR
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    08 Feb '15 15:43
    You buttered your bread, now lie in it." >Unknown
  5. Standard memberredbadger
    Suzzie says Badger
    is Racist Bastard
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    08 Feb '15 15:48
    Originally posted by LEUR
    You buttered your bread, now lie in it." >Unknown
    never count your chickens till the fox leaves the hen house
  6. SubscriberLEUR
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    08 Feb '15 15:56
    "Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves."
    Einstein
  7. SubscriberLEUR
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    08 Feb '15 16:01
    "Have I told you lately I love you?" ""Lately I love you.""
    >LEUR
  8. Standard memberGrampy Bobby
    Boston Lad
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    08 Feb '15 16:20
    “She got her good looks from her father; he’s a plastic surgeon.” — Groucho Marx

    “One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I’ll never know.” — Groucho Marx

    “I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.” — Groucho Marx
  9. SubscriberLEUR
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    08 Feb '15 16:431 edit
    Originally posted by Grampy Bobby
    “She got her good looks from her father; he’s a plastic surgeon.” — Groucho Marx

    “One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I’ll never know.” — Groucho Marx

    “I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.” — Groucho Marx
    And here's the classic, from Henny Youngman:
    "Now, take my wife...please."
  10. Subscribermoonbus
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    09 Feb '15 10:03
    We'll burn that bridge when we get to it.
  11. Standard memberMammy Blue
    Delicious Monster...
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    09 Feb '15 12:00
    As a complete outsider, what do you think of the human race?
  12. Standard memberGrampy Bobby
    Boston Lad
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    09 Feb '15 17:52
    Make haste...... slowly (festina lente).
  13. Standard memberJerryH
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    11 Feb '15 11:09
    It's not your fault, earthquakes are for everyone.
  14. Standard memberJerryH
    Hyperbole Happy
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    11 Feb '15 13:25
    When looking something up for the first time please don't use our research engine.

    Museum notice: Disaster paraphernalia displayed in Case Of Emergency.
  15. Standard memberJerryH
    Hyperbole Happy
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    11 Feb '15 14:10
    The word Knowledge was coined after one too many caveman fell.

    Women will never be equal to men while playing scrabble.
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