Originally posted by sjegalright, im sure he was being sarcastic, tongue in cheek, so to speak. least i hope he was,
Not even if he were the grown-up version of the kid from the other joke thread that caused so much fuss? Old Sum Ting Wong? No?
I give up. The fellow couldn't talk because his tongue had been sliced to bits when he was trying to get involved in a bit of foreplay with the princess. He said "Your majesty, out of respect to your family, your heir and your blood ...[text shortened]... t the nightingale's throat open to see what's inside.
Any of you have anything better?
There was a knight named Benny. He was brave and had armor and stuff. He was walking through the forest looking for dragons to slave as knights are inclined to do. Suddenly, out jumped a which, who turned him into a frog and left. 'Well, this sucks,' thought Benny. But he knew he couldn't just wallow in self pity forever, so he began to hop aimlessly. In a karmic fashion, he soon found a magical fairy. He explained his situation to her, and she said she'd be glad to help. "I'll turn you back into a knight. However, you must never shave." Though puzzled by this last requirement, the overjoyed Benny quickly agreed. He became his old self again. It was at this point that he realized he was completely lost, and had forgot to ask the fairy for directions. So he wandered the forest for a few hours until he spotted a grand castle. He entered the town, found the king, explained his situation, and asked if he could become a knight of this castle in return for lodging. The magnamimous, and knight-lacking king was glad to help.
I've neglected the mention the king's beautiful daughter, whom Benny soon fell in love with. A few weeks passed, and the couple decided they would like to get married. Benny went to ask the king for his daughter's hand in marriage. The king said that would be fine, but he couldn't allow his beautiful daughter to marry someone with such an ungroomed apprearance. The king was referring to Benny's unshavable beard which at this point had grown quite long.
That night, Benny pondered his options. He knew he wasn't supposed to shave, but he'd met the love of his life. Finally, he mind was made up, and with lighting flashing outside the window, he raised his pair of scizzors and chopped off his beard. When the last piece had fallen to the floor, Benny was struck by a bolt of lightening. Where he once stood, now rested an urn.
Moral of this story: A Benny shaved is a Benny urned.
Brian, The world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they Make is taking a stroll down his local high street. As he passes by the Record shop, a sign catches his eye. "Just Released - New LP -Wasps and Bees of Europe & the sounds that they make - available now" Unable to resist the temptation, Brian goes into the shop.
"I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make. I'd very much like to listen to the new LP you have advertised in the window."
"Certainly, Sir," says the young man behind the counter. "If you'd like to step into the booth and put on the headphones, I'll put the LP on for you."
Brian, The world expert on European wasps, goes into the booth and puts on the earphones. Ten minutes later, he comes out of the booth and announces, "I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make and yet I recognised none of those."
"I'm sorry Sir", says the young assistant. "If you'd care to step into the booth, I can let you have another 10 minutes." Brian, The world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make, steps back into the booth and replaces the headphones. Ten minutes later, he comes out of the booth shaking his head.
"I don't understand it", he says, "I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make, and yet I still can't recognise any of those!"
"I really am terribly sorry", says the young assistant. I've just realised I was playing you the bee side."
*groan*
Originally posted by Freddie2006I can but hope that someone drags you off for a good spanking young Freddie.
Brian, The world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they Make is taking a stroll down his local high street. As he passes by the Record shop, a sign catches his eye. "Just Released - New LP -Wasps and Bees of Europe & the sounds that they make - available now" Unable to resist the temptation, Brian goes into the shop.
"I am the world expert ...[text shortened]... ant. I've just realised I was playing you the bee side."
*groan*
Four Puppies
A farmer had some puppies for sale.He painted a sign advertising the 4 pups.A little boy came along."Please,"he said,"i want to buy one of your puppies."
"Well said the farmer,as he rubbed the sweat off the back of his neck,"these puppies come from fine parents and cost a lot of money."
The boy dropped his head for a moment.Then reaching into his pocket,he pulled out a handful of change and held it up to the farmer.
"i've got nearly three dollars.Is that enough to take a look?"
"Sure,"said the farmer.And with that he let out a whistle."Here Dolly!"he called.Out from the doghouse and down the ramp ran Dolly followed by three little balls of fur.The little boy's eyes danced with delight.As the dogs made their way to the fence,the little boy noticed something else stirring inside the doghouse.Slowly another little ball appeared,this one noticeably smaller.Down the ramp it slid.Then in a somewhat awkward manner,the little pup began hobbling toward the others,doing its best to catch up....
"i want that one,"the little boy said,pointing to the runt.The farmer knelt down at the boy's side and said,"Son,you don't want that puppy.He will never be able to run and play with you like these other dogs would."
With that the little boy reached down,and began rolling up one leg of his trousers.In doing so he revealed a steel brace running down both sides of the leg attaching itself to a specially made shoe.Looking back up at the farmer,he said,"You see,i don't run too well myself,and he will need someone who understands."
With tears in his eyes,the farmer reached down and picked up the little pup.Holding it carefully he handed it to the little boy."How much?"asked the little boy."No charge,"answered the farmer,"There's no charge for love."