"Let's Face It, English is a Crazy language"
There's no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. we take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither form Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers dont groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, two geese. So one moose, two meese? One index, two indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make ammends, but not one ammend, that you can comb through the annals of history but not a single annal? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught. if a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? If you wrote a letter, perhaps you bote your tongue? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be comitted to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot and quite a few are alike? How can the weather be hot as hell one day, and cold as hell the next? Have you noticed that we talk about things only when they are absent? have you ever seen a horseful carriage, or a strapful gown? Met a sung hero or experienced requited love? Have you ever run into someon who was discombobulated, gruntled, ruly or peccable? And whre are all those people who ARE spring chickens or who would ACTUALLY hurt a fly? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling out and in which an alarm clock goes off by going on. English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race(which, of course, isn't a race at all). That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it!
By: Richard Lederer
Sorry about any typos, I did the best I could as far as punctuation, grammar, and capitalization. I hope you all enjoy it as I did.
zakkwylder
Originally posted by BowmannYeah because I'd never be the same after being insulted by a man named bowmann, which is the second stupidest name ever next to
Lucky for you, my reply was removed by a mod.
jeb bush. You seem to be extra rude these days, i think you must be on your monthly cycle, we shall call you flowmann.
Is anyone actually reading the essay. People asked me to post it and now are only looking at flowmann and my little confrontation.