Precious memories:
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Rick: [talking about Cornflakes] I mark all mine individually with sticky labels.
Vyvyan: That doesn't worry me. I just eat the labels as well
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"I wouldn't even discuss the colour of orange juice with you, Neil!"
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Mike: It's nice to have a front door!
Vyvyan: We had a front door at the old house
Rick: Yes, Vyvyan, but it was nailed to the ceiling in the living room!
Mike: Rick, it had to be done
Vyvyan: Yeah! I had to! I was drunk
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Rick: [playing monopoly] Hey, wouldn't it be AMAZING if all this money was real?
Vyvyan: That is the single most predictable and boring thing that anybody can say while playing monopoly.
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Rick: OKAY, THATS JUST ABOUT THE BLOODY LIMIT! It's ... I mean I only put it in there on Wedendsay, you know! It's not as if they grow on trees or anything like that!
Mike: Rick, what have you lost?
Rick: I had half an apple in there!
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Vyvyan: Shut up, or I'll tell everyone in this room that you've got an iron-on cartoon worm on the front of your Y-fronts that says "Girl Bait"
Rick: Oh, so you've been going through my Y-fronts have you Vyvyan?! I suppose you fancy me, is that it?
Vyvyan: [acting] Yes! As a matter of fact, I do Rick! I really really fancy you. And I want to give you a big girlie kiss on the bottom
Rick: Uh, Mike, Vyvyans gone all funny! He said he wants to kiss my bottom!
Vyvyan: Did I say kiss your bottom? Oh, beg your pardon. I meant to say, stick a pick axe through your spinal column!
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Rick: Vyvyan, you dancing?
Vyvyan: You asking?
Rick: I'm asking
Vyvyan: Well, piss off!
Vyvyan: Ha ha ha ha ha! Rick is still a virgin!
Rick: I'm not! I am not a virgin!
Vyvyan: Virgin! Virgin! Virgin!
Rick: I'm not!
Rick: If I'm a virgin how come I know what a girls bottom looks like?
Vyvyan: From looking in the mirror!
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Rick: Thatchers Britain! Thatchers bloody Britain! Look at me. I'm young, I'm pretty. I've got 5 O levels. Bloomi' good grades as well, considering I didn't do a sod of work cause I'm so hard. And look at me now! Homeless, cold and prostitute.
Mike: Destitute Rick!
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They were before their time. Brilliant stuff! 😀
-m.
Security Guard: Hang On, What's that?
Vyvyan: It's my mascot.
Security Guard: A pig?
Vyvyan: No!
Security Guard: It is.
Vyvyan: It's not, it's a ferret. A severely deformed ferret, I'll grant you that. So severely deformed in fact that it looks a little bit like a pig.
Security Guard: Looks exactly like a pig.
Vyvyan: Yes, well, it certainly has been remarked upon. In fact, just as John Hurt is known as the Elephant Man, Bacon Sandwich here is known as the Pig Ferret.
Security Guard: Bacon Sandwich? Funny name for a ferret, isn't it?
Vyvyan: Ha ha! And that's where I had you fooled. Because it's not a ferret, it's a pig.
classic.