Hi guys and gals,
In this tread i'm going to share some fresh and juicy jokes with you.
Have fun.
Here are some jokes :
Wife : Honey ..... What are You Looking for ?
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : Nothing...?? U've been reading our marriage certificate 4 an
hour ..?? Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date.
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Q - What is the Difference Between Mother & Wife ?
A - One Woman Brings U into this world crying... & the other ensures
U Continue to do so.
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Sardar to his friend "I kiss my Wife everyday before leaving for Office, what about you?"
Friend : Me too, after you leave.
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Sardar : Sitting on The Top of the Mountain and Studying.... When a Person asked what he was doing.... He replied...Oye!! Higher Studies Yaar...!!!
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Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.
Banta and Preeto came to a sexologist.
"Doctor, we're married for a few months already, and we love each other, but we get no pleasure whatsoever from our lovemaking."
"Hmmm. Maybe you should try another position. Like this."
The doctor described the new position.
Banta said, "Doctor, thank you very much. Would you kindly permit us to try it here?"
"Just go behind that screen and try."
After a while the doctor asked, "So?"
"No pleasure whatsoever, doctor."
"Hmmm. Then try one more position."
Banta and Preeto again went behind the screen. The doctor heard some sounds suggesting that the new position did help indeed. However, when they reappeared from behind the screen, they again complained that they had no feelings whatsoever. As to the sounds, they just tried to excite themselves by saying certain words, but it did not help.
"Hmmm," the doctor said. "It's a hard case. Let me call your family doctor."
The sexologist dialled the family doctor's number and told about the hard case he was treating.
"Kick them out," the family doctor said. "They just make rounds through all doctors' offices in the city as they live with her parents and do not have a place of their own."
The woman seated herself in the psychiatrists office. "What seems to be the problem?" the doctor asked.
"Well, I, uh," she stammered. "I think I, uh, might be a nymphomaniac."
"I see," he said. "I can help you, but I must advise you that my fee is $80 an hour."
"That's not bad," she replied. "How much for all night?"
woman takes her rabbit to the vet and says she thinks it may have a problem.
Vet takes a look and says he's sorry but the rabbit is dead.
She is not convinced and says she wants a further examination as her rabbit is very precious.
So, tutting under his breath, the vet calls in his pet labrador.
The dog paws the rabbit, looks it up and down, turns and shakes his head to the vet.
The vet says to the woman that they are sure the rabbit is dead.
She demands another opinion so the vet then calls his cat.
The cats smells up and down the rabbit from head to toe a few times, turns to the vet and shakes it's head.
By this time the woman is in tears and lamenting. She turns to the vet and thanks him and asks for the bill.
Vet says "That'll be £680 please."
"How much??" the woman exclaims, "that's bloody expensive."
Vet says "Well you should have listened to me first time."
"It would only have been £40 without the lab report and the cat scan!"
A guy had been feeling down for so long that he finally decided to seek the aid of a psychiatrist.
He went there, lay on the couch, spilled his guts then waited for the profound wisdom of the psychiatrist to make him feel better.
The psychiatrist asked me a few questions, took some notes then sat thinking in silence for a few minutes with a puzzled look on his face.
Suddenly, he looked up with an expression of delight and said, "Um, I think your problem is low self-esteem. It is very common among losers."
A man is strolling past the mental hospital and suddenly remembers an important meeting.
Unfortunately, his watch has stopped, and he cannot tell if he is late or not. Then, he notices a patient similarly strolling about within the hospital fence.
Calling out to the patient, the man says, "Pardon me, sir, but do you have the time?"
The patient calls back, "One moment!" and throws himself upon the ground, pulling out a short stick as he does. He pushes the stick into the ground, and, pulling out a carpenter's level, assures himself that the stick is vertical.
With a compass, the patient locates north and with a steel ruler, measures the precise length of the shadow cast by the stick.
Withdrawing a slide rule from his pocket, the patient calculates rapidly, then swiftly packs up all his tools and turns back to the pedestrian, saying, "It is now precisely 3:29 pm, provided today is August 16th, which I believe it is."
The man can't help but be impressed by this demonstration, and sets his watch accordingly.
Before he leaves, he says to the patient, "That was really quite remarkable, but tell me, what do you do on a cloudy day, or at night, when the stick casts no shadow?" The patient holds up his wrist and says, "I suppose I'd just look at my watch."