ST: Strange New Worlds

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I have never watched this nor Enterprise, nor Discovery, nor Picard. So which should I start with?

I recently got Paramount+, but have been putting these off until I get a better idea of which order I should tackle them in.

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I will certainly take this into consideration.

I have the website Memory Alpha (tons of info on Trek in general) in my bookmarks and see if anything moves me as to what these series are about.

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There are some duds in this list, but overall, it may be the funniest thing I've read in quite a while.

It's reminiscent of Chuck Norris jokes.

90% of this list goes better with a William Shatner Kirk than a Chris Pine Kirk.

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I didn't really see this line in your OP until now.

The J..J. Abrams-directed movies are actually an alternate timeline. This is why they do not follow canon.

This leads to some weird decisions being made in the Trek universe of companies.

In the MMO RPG Star Trek Online, Romulus (the Romulan homeworld) has been destroyed (which was the alternate timeline's ostensible reason for them destroying Vulcan - you can visit where Romulus was in the game, the whole system is toast), but Vulcan has not been destroyed (you can still beam down to Vulcan).