Three guys who play golf at a private club, were about to tee off, when the starter came over and asked if they mind if a fourth could join them. Knowing they usually like to play as a threesome, as they were hesitating, the starter said “she’s right over there”. They all looked to see a beautiful blond in her early twenties standing there. After looking at each other and with a wide smile on their faces, they in unison said “Sure, send her over”
She came over, and said “good morning boys, this is my first time playing golf, I hope you don’t mind?” They all shrugged and said “No not at all”.
After 6 ½ hours on the course, looking through the woods for her lost balls, they finally came to the eighteenth hole. Some how, she hit her second shot of a par four onto the green, fifty feet from the cup. She was looking over the putt, and said “boys, I’ve never made a birdie, if anyone of you can help me make a birdie on this putt, I’ll take you in the club house, and give you a time you’ll never forget”.
The first guy runs and lines up her putt from behind the ball, looks at his putter holding it up in front of his face, like he knows what he’s doing, and says “ darling that putt is going to break to the left, aim it one foot right of the hole”.
The second guy, comes up and pushes the first guy out of the way, and goes through the same motions as the first guy. He says “don’t listen to him, I see it breaking to the right, aim it a foot and a half to the left of the pin, and birdie you’ll get”. He walks away rubbing his hands together in anticipation.
I say “Honey, it’s a gimmie, pick it up!” 🙄😲
A joke from the Sunday Mail...
A wife went to the doctor to see if it would be safe for some plastic surgery at her age. The doctor said yes, and she decided to go through with it.
When she got home, her husband said, "Well, what did he say about your plastic surgery? And what are you gonna have it on?"
The wife answers, "It's safe for me, and I am going to have my nose re-done."
The husband asks, "What did he say about your 50-year-old bum?"
The wife replies, "He didn't mention you at all, darling."
And there's more...
A man with a bald head and a wooden leg gets invited to a fancy dress party. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg, so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain the problem. A few days later he receives a parcel with a note.
Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and with your wooden leg you will be just right as a pirate.
The man thinks this is terrible because they have just emphasized his wooden leg and so he writes a letter of complaint.
A week passes and he receives another parcel and a note which says:
Dear Sir, Sorry about before, please find enclosed a monk's habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and with your bald head you will really look the part.
Now the man is really annoyed since they have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head and he writes the company a really rude letter of complaint.
The next day he receives a small parcel and a note which reads:
Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a tin of golden syrup treacle. Pour the tin of golden syrup treacle over your bald head, stick your wooden leg up your arse and go as a toffee apple.
'Funny Eyes'
Trehe you go, laern sthoimnig new eeyry day !!!
This is quite amazing!
Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn't
mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt
tihng is taht frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae. The rset
can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs
is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by it slef but the wrod as a
wlohe.
ceehiro 😀
Originally posted by derek9037its true, y'know. that e-mail may have been circulating the net a-while though...
'Funny Eyes'
Trehe you go, laern sthoimnig new eeyry day !!!
This is quite amazing!
Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn't
mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt
tihng is taht frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae. The rset
can be a toatl mses and you can sitll rae ...[text shortened]... bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by it slef but the wrod as a
wlohe.
ceehiro 😀
Moderately naughty 🙂
Three Italian girls die and go to heaven where they are met at the Pearly gates by St. Peter. He says, "Ladies, you all led such wonderful lives that I am granting you six months to go back to earth and be anyone you want.
The first girl says, "I want to be Sophia Loren" and *poof*, she's gone. The second girl says, "I want to be Madonna" and *poof*, she's gone too. The third girl says, "I want to be Sara Pipalini."
St. Peter looks perplexed. "Who?" he asks.
"Sara Pipalini" replies the girl. St. Peter shakes his head and says, "I'm sorry but that name doesn't ring a bell." The girl then takes a newspaper out of her pocket and hands it to St. Peter. He reads the paper and starts laughing. He hands it back to her and says....
"No lady, this headline says 'Sahara Pipeline, laid by 1,900 men in 6 months'.
- Joined
- 16 Jan 02
- Moves
- 965354
a woman standing naked in front of the mirror,says to her husband 'i look dreadful,im getting bulges where i dont want them,everything is sagging,and look at all these wrinkles!.make me feel better by giving me a compliment'..so the husband replies 'your eye sight is still good!'
Instrument Jokes....
What's the difference between a violin and a viola?
There is no difference. The violin just looks smaller because the violinist's head is so much bigger.
Why are viola jokes so short?
So violinists can understand them.
How do you get a 'cellist to play fortissimo?
Write "pp, espressivo"
😕
Bill Clinton invited former President Bush over to the White House Penthouse.
So, Clinton was showing Bush and Lady Bush around, when Mr Bush asked to go to the men's room.
Clinton say, "First on your left there."
So, while Bush is in the bathroom, he looks down at the urinal and thinks to himself, why the hell would you need a gold urinal?
So, he finishes, and walks outside to see Lady Clinton. Bush says to Hilary, "Your husband must really like himself to have a gold urinal."
So, after Bush and his wife have gone, Hilary says to Bill, "Honey, I found out who peed in you saxophone."
Here we go again:
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.
The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels, and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do?...They send me a BLIND policeman!"
And there's more:
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry.
She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells,"No, honey, don't do it." The blonde replies, "Shut up,
you're next!"