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Tips For England's New Football Coach

Tips For England's New Football Coach

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Coaching Tips For England.

Defensive Strategy:

Although they never will be as good as him, the English defence should model itself on Canavarro. If all four of the English backline combined were to become as good as Canavarro, then the Coach could consider himself a success.

Midfield Strategy:

Considering England try to bypass the midfield completely with their outdated, archaic and boring long ball game, then they should study tapes of Pirlo and Totti. We all know England’s midfield is cr@p, and so do the English team (that’s why the lob the ball over them), so improvement in this area should be easy.

Attacking Strategy:

Simple, the new coach of England should not pin their attacking strategy on an over-rated hooligan (Rooney). Just like their previous attacking plan when it revolved around the dive-master and tap-in king Owen, having a player who is of average talent be the centre piece of your attack is destined to fail. And you cannot rely on your midfield to score when they are cr@p. As so brilliantly shown by Lampard and Gerard, unfortunately the goal is not 10 meters high and 20 meters wide. My suggestion? Beg Henry to change citizenship form French to English. Or wait for one of the Italian forwards to retire form the Italian league and play in the English league (Vialli/Zola/Ravanelli) and get some pointers from them.

Post World Cup Failure Strategy.

First, stop whingeing. When you are inevitably beaten in any World Cup, England’s traditional response has been to blame the Ref, blame the opposition for not playing sportingly, become bitter, and finally to call the other teams names. Claiming that all other teams are boring to watch, too defensive, act up and dive is hilarious. England are boring to watch, England like to dive too (Owen? Gerrard?), England also like to act up when they are tackled. Plain fact is, is that every team does it. Personally, I think this tactic should be eliminated from the game, but unfortunately it is used as a tactic. Trying to take the moral high ground on this issue after you have been sent home is a poor attempt to regain some form of credibility after telling the world over and over again England were going to win the Final. My suggestion? Nothing, they have been doing it for years and trying to change this would be futile. Plus, it provides hours of entertainment for the rest of the Football world.

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Do you have something against England?

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Originally posted by Esoteric
Post World Cup Failure Strategy.

First, stop whingeing. When you are inevitably beaten in any World Cup, England’s traditional response has been to blame the Ref, blame the opposition for not playing sportingly, become bitter, and finally to call the other teams names. Claiming that all other teams are boring to watch, too defensive, act up and dive is h ...[text shortened]... is would be futile. Plus, it provides hours of entertainment for the rest of the Football world.
Excellent! 😀

Don't forget to tip them to try to not get red cards the next time around.

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Originally posted by ElleEffSeee
Do you have something against England?
Yes. They have bad teeth.

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The simple fact is that many foreign leagues accept diving and cheating as part of the game - it has to be clamped down on by FIFA. When a country's national coach is encouraging that sort of thing it's got to be time for a rethink.

Cheating diving foreign barstewards. 😞

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Originally posted by Dr Strangelove
The simple fact is that many foreign leagues accept diving and cheating as part of the game - it has to be clamped down on by FIFA. When a country's national coach is encouraging that sort of thing it's got to be time for a rethink.

Cheating diving foreign barstewards. 😞
NO..NO..NO... THE SIMPLE FACT IS.. renaldo plays for a English Club..MAN. UNITED..he has been 'cheating' in every game for the last 3 years he has been here.... YET NON OF YOU ENGLISH fan/tv/newspaper say anything about that! Only when he plays against your TEAM do you MUPPETS critisite him. The same goes for Robben of Holland.

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Originally posted by SALADIN
NO..NO..NO... THE SIMPLE FACT IS.. renaldo plays for a English Club..MAN. UNITED..he has been 'cheating' in every game for the last 3 years he has been here.... YET NON OF YOU ENGLISH fan/tv/newspaper say anything about that! Only when he plays against your TEAM do you MUPPETS critisite him. The same goes for Robben of Holland.
Actually there is utter resentment against players of Ronaldo's loose morals, don't forget when Man Utd play another english club the fans of that club are being robbed by him. Hopefully he will move abroad now anyway which will suit both him and us.

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Originally posted by Palynka
Excellent! 😀

Don't forget to tip them to try to not get red cards the next time around.
But haven't Portugal got the worst record for cards in the tournament so far? I believe they have the joint highest number of reds and are out in front by themselves with the highest number of yellow cards

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Nah... they all dive BUT nobody masters the art
of c-h-e-a-t-i-n-g like Italians and Argentinians do...
who are the same thing, by the way.

😛

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Originally posted by Esoteric
Coaching Tips For England.

Defensive Strategy:

Although they never will be as good as him, the English defence should model itself on Canavarro. If all four of the English backline combined were to become as good as Canavarro, then the Coach could consider himself a success.

Midfield Strategy:

Considering England try to bypass the midfield compl ...[text shortened]... is would be futile. Plus, it provides hours of entertainment for the rest of the Football world.
I think what you are failing to realize is that a few posts on a chess forum is a very small sample of the entire following of the England football team. While all fans are of course dissapointed England did not progress further in the tournament, there was also a lot of condemnation of Rooney's behaviour, personally I think he brought it upon himself and let the team and the fan's down, however he is a very god player and has a lot to offer, I just wish he had a more mature attitude, yes Ronaldo played some part in his sending off, but if Rooney had had an IQ higher than his age he would not have been bated so easily.

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Originally posted by ElleEffSeee
Do you have something against England?
He maybe does, but he's being quite clear as to why. I have to say I agree with him.

But my advice to McLaren is the same as Graham Taylor gave to his successor...

JUST WIN.

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Originally posted by Esoteric
Coaching Tips For England.

Defensive Strategy:

Although they never will be as good as him, the English defence should model itself on Canavarro. If all four of the English backline combined were to become as good as Canavarro, then the Coach could consider himself a success.

Midfield Strategy:

Considering England try to bypass the midfield compl ...[text shortened]... is would be futile. Plus, it provides hours of entertainment for the rest of the Football world.
My tip for the new England coach:


Superglue her lips and fingers if you fall out... then she can't tell or write about it.

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Originally posted by Esoteric
Coaching Tips For England.

Defensive Strategy:

Although they never will be as good as him, the English defence should model itself on Canavarro. If all four of the English backline combined were to become as good as Canavarro, then the Coach could consider himself a success.

Midfield Strategy:

Considering England try to bypass the midfield compl ...[text shortened]... is would be futile. Plus, it provides hours of entertainment for the rest of the Football world.
I'm going on my holidays today- when I come back I think, if I have a few euros left, I might pay a subscription fee simply in order to recommend that post.

Nail on the head. As I said in numerous other threads (ad infinitum) world's onto you, Ingerlund. We've had contributions from across the globe, and the conclusion you might want to draw is that you're fooling no one!

Well done, Esoteric!

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England can't take penalties... or more to the point don't have a keeper who can save them when other countries do.... so my tip is this... In the squad we always take 3 keepers, it is unlikely the 2nd will play so the 3rd is just there as a mascot... Why not find/train a specialist penalty goalkeeper, then rather than putting on Carragher to take a penalty (and miss) you have a guy to try and save 5+ pens. England have a chance to win... Think we've gone out of the last 3 tournaments on pens... this might make the differnce and who knows!!! Pass this on to steve for me

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Drop Beckham and anyone else who cried after losing to Portugal. Sport is supposed to make men out of boys and prepare them for the hard things in life. Clearly, England's “stars” are still wet nursing.