The Queen was in Glasgow when she formally met Alex Salmond, Scotland’s First Minister.
Liz: “How nice to see you Mr. Salmond.”
AS: “Nice to see you Your Majesty. Now, what are we going to call Scotland when we win Independence?
Liz: “Oh dear, one hasn’t considered that yet!”
Liz: “How about calling it a ‘Kingdom’ and then I will be King?
Liz: “One doesn’t think that is appropriate.”
AS: “How about ‘Empire’ then I can be an Emperor?
Liz: “In one’s dreams!”
AS: “All right! So how about calling it a ‘Principality’ and then I can be a Prince?”
Liz: “Mr. Salmond! I think we will let it remain a ‘country’ and you can carry on as you are.”
Credited to a friend.
In the old days the English and Scottish armies used to fight by gathering their armies on top of the hills and at day break they would run down the hillside into the deep gorge below to fight.
One morning at dawn there was a fog (as thick as pea soup) and the two generals decided to refrain from fighting that day. Whilst the two armies were resting a voice, with a scottish accent came from within the dense fog.
"Any one scotsman can beat any 10 englishmen".
With this, the english general sent down 10 of his soldiers. There was a hell of a fight and NO ONE returned. An hour later, the same voice was heard.
"Any one scotsman can beat any 50 englishman".
With this the english general sent down 50 of his soldiers. The same thing, a terrible fight ensured and again NO ONE returned. An hour later the same voice.
"Any one scotsman can beat any 100 englishman".
Same same, down went 100 of the best. NO ONE returned. An hour later.
"Any one scotsman can beat any 1,000 englishman".
By this time, the english general had enough and was about to send down his elite soldiers, when he saw a lone englishman crawling up the hill. He was battered to a pulp. As he reached his general he said, "Don't send any more troops down, its a trap, THERES TWO OF THEM".