Top 6 reasons you can't beat Jesus at chess...

dfm65

The Godfather

General

08 Jul 04

dfm65

The Godfather

Joined: 29 Jan 02
Moves: 52216

08 Jul 04

6. When you 'kill' one of His pieces, he does a 'Lazarus' and brings it back to life...
5. His Father is telling Him all your ideas and strategies, which He has known since the beginning of creation...
4. If you're winning, the Holy Spirit descends upon you and makes you gibber in tongues. Then JC calls the men in white coats to take you to the local nut house...
3. He convinces you to take a dive by saying 'your reward is not in this game, but in the aftergame'...
2. Your bishops are actually on His side...
1. When you're about to checkmate, He leans across the board and says 'Two words: judgement day'.

seraphimvulture

Geek

Behind you...

Joined: 24 Feb 04
Moves: 28311

08 Jul 04

The bishops thing was funny...

-Kev

Paul Dirac

Arizona, USA

Joined: 15 Jun 04
Moves: 656

08 Jul 04

0. He yanks your bishops off the board, explaining that they are getting a little too close to the altar boys--er, to the pawns.

D43M0N

Brisbane, Australia

Joined: 08 Sep 03
Moves: 17480

08 Jul 04

Originally posted by Paul Dirac
0. He yanks your bishops off the board, explaining that they are getting a little too close to the altar boys--er, to the pawns.

LOL. heh.

NicolaiS

Cannabist

's-Gravenhage

Joined: 07 Apr 03
Moves: 57622

08 Jul 04

He has four extra pawns as there were twelve disciples and not eight.

dfm65

The Godfather

Joined: 29 Jan 02
Moves: 52216

08 Jul 04

Originally posted by NicolaiS
He has four extra pawns as there were twelve disciples and not eight.

but one of them is the Judas pawn, which will betray him at a critical moment...

NicolaiS

Cannabist

's-Gravenhage

Joined: 07 Apr 03
Moves: 57622

08 Jul 04

Originally posted by dfm65
but one of them is the Judas pawn, which will betray him at a critical moment...

By dressing up as a queen after promotion?

eyeqpc

Robbo

a Brave new world

Joined: 10 Dec 03
Moves: 8816

08 Jul 04

Surely your knights will be stronger than Jesus's knghts as he would be using donkeys instead of horses

Acolyte

Now With Added BA

Loughborough

Joined: 04 Jul 02
Moves: 3790

08 Jul 04

Jesus is the King of Kings, which means your king belongs to him.

orfeo

Paralysed analyst

On a ship of fools

Joined: 26 May 04
Moves: 25780

09 Jul 04

...what IS it with this place and religious parallels to chess?!

Note, this is merely my attempt to join the conversation without a witty line to add, I"m not offended or anything.

Well, maybe just a tiny bit with the altar boys one 😕

elvendreamgirl

Joined: 03 Dec 03
Moves: 25735

09 Jul 04

Originally posted by orfeo
...what IS it with this place and religious parallels to chess?!

Note, this is merely my attempt to join the conversation without a witty line to add, I"m not offended or anything.

Well, maybe just a tiny bit with the altar boys one 😕

I like the sexual innuendo in chess. I like the sexual innuendo in anything . 😀

bbarr

Chief Justice

Center of Contention

Joined: 14 Jun 02
Moves: 17381

09 Jul 04

Since Christ is God, and God is Omniscient, Christ is Omniscient. Thus, before any proposed game, Christ would know who would win. Assuming Christ wants to win, it follows that He would only accept games he has forseen Himself winning. Hence, if you find yourself playing Christ, your loss is assured.

Paul Dirac

Arizona, USA

Joined: 15 Jun 04
Moves: 656

09 Jul 04

Originally posted by orfeo
Well, maybe just a tiny bit with the altar boys one.

I extend you one free pass to offend me at any point in the future. 🙂

WHY AYE

TruthLogicReason

Nirvana

Joined: 26 Apr 04
Moves: 8642

09 Jul 04

Originally posted by bbarr
Since Christ is God, and God is Omniscient, Christ is Omniscient. Thus, before any proposed game, Christ would know who would win. Assuming Christ wants to win, it follows that He would only accept games he has forseen Himself winning. Hence, if you find yourself playing Christ, your loss is assured.

I thought one of the most important lessons in life was learning how to LOSE?😕🙂

huntingbear

Joined: 29 Jun 03
Moves: 3535

09 Jul 04

Originally posted by orfeo
I"m not offended or anything.

Well, maybe just a tiny bit with the altar boys one 😕

I agree. I enjoyed all the humor in this thread but that. Jokes about that sort of abuse are thoughtless and insensitive. This is a public site with thousands of members, any one of whom may have suffered such an atrocity. How would they feel reading a joke about child sexual abuse? There is nothing funny about it.