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Let's say you woke up one night in a coffin and realized to your extreme horror that you were a vampire and that you last remembered you were out partying with some cute goth girl who bit you while you were drunk with fangs you now realize were real.

What would you do? Stick a stake in your heart and end it all or give in to your desire for human blood? OR perhaps become a vampire slayer and seek revenge on your own kind?

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Originally posted by homedepotov
...and realized to your extreme horror that you were a vampire ...
a vampire who's afraid of vampires??


I'd start making semi-autobiographical movies about a self-deprecating urban intellectual vampire with a neurotic obsession about freud and sex.

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Originally posted by homedepotov
Let's say you woke up one night in a coffin and realized to your extreme horror that you were a vampire and that you last remembered you were out partying with some cute goth girl who bit you while you were drunk with fangs you now realize were real.

What would you do? Stick a stake in your heart and end it all or give in to your desire for human blood? OR perhaps become a vampire slayer and seek revenge on your own kind?
Have you seen the tail Keefer Sullivan gets?

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I'd go beat the poop out of fruity vampires like the ones from Twilight and Interview With a Vampire and then go on a lusty blood-letting that would make Bram Stoker proud.

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BILLY MAYS HERE

IF YOU WAKE UP ONE DAY AND FIND THAT YOU ARE A VAMPIRE THEN WHAT YOU REALLY NEED IS ONE OF OUR NEW DELUXE COFFINS MADE FROM THE FINEST QUALITY MAHOGANY. INSIDE WE HAVE GENUINE LEATHER CUSHIONING SO COMFORTABLE THAT YOUR OLD BED WILL END UP IN THE SHED. WHAT'S MORE, THESE COFFINS ARE FLAME RESISTANT, HOLY WATER RESISTANT, AND HAVE A LIFETIME GUARANTEE TO NEVER LEAK ANY LIGHT ON YOU WHILE YOU SLUMBER, ALL FOR JUST 99.99.

CALL NOW AND WE'LL THROW IN A HALF SIZED COFFIN FOR THE KIDS ABSOLUTELY FREE. YOU WON'T FIND A BETTER DEAL ANYWHERE ELSE!

CALL NOW

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Originally posted by hopscotch
BILLY MAYS HERE

IF YOU WAKE UP ONE DAY AND FIND THAT YOU ARE A VAMPIRE THEN WHAT YOU REALLY NEED IS ONE OF OUR NEW DELUXE COFFINS MADE FROM THE FINEST QUALITY MAHOGANY. INSIDE WE HAVE GENUINE LEATHER CUSHIONING SO COMFORTABLE THAT YOUR OLD BED WILL END UP IN THE SHED. WHAT'S MORE, THESE COFFINS ARE FLAME RESISTANT, HOLY WATER RESISTANT, AND HAVE A LIFET ...[text shortened]... COFFIN FOR THE KIDS ABSOLUTELY FREE. YOU WON'T FIND A BETTER DEAL ANYWHERE ELSE!

CALL NOW
How am I meant to call, you forgot your number.... I really, really need that peice of furniture. Now come on, out with it!

GIMME THE GODDAMNED NUMBER!

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OMG! BILLY MAYS!

I'd recognize that bellowing voice anywhere!

Truly, you could sell life insurance to the undead!

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Originally posted by hopscotch
BILLY MAYS HERE

IF YOU WAKE UP ONE DAY AND FIND THAT YOU ARE A VAMPIRE THEN WHAT YOU REALLY NEED IS ONE OF OUR NEW DELUXE COFFINS MADE FROM THE FINEST QUALITY MAHOGANY. INSIDE WE HAVE GENUINE LEATHER CUSHIONING SO COMFORTABLE THAT YOUR OLD BED WILL END UP IN THE SHED. WHAT'S MORE, THESE COFFINS ARE FLAME RESISTANT, HOLY WATER RESISTANT, AND HAVE A LIFET ...[text shortened]... COFFIN FOR THE KIDS ABSOLUTELY FREE. YOU WON'T FIND A BETTER DEAL ANYWHERE ELSE!

CALL NOW
I'm calling, Billy! I really am! Wait for me!

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Originally posted by homedepotov
Let's say you woke up one night in a coffin and realized to your extreme horror that you were a vampire and that you last remembered you were out partying with some cute goth girl who bit you while you were drunk with fangs you now realize were real.

What would you do? Stick a stake in your heart and end it all or give in to your desire for human blood? OR perhaps become a vampire slayer and seek revenge on your own kind?
i've never quite understood what's supposed to be so bad about being bitten by a vampire. you get eternal life, and isn't that what Christianity and other religions promise? and i wouldn't feel guilty about biting others, because i would be giving them eternal life too, much like missionaries claim to do.

so once i got over the surprise, i'd be ok with it, i think.

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Id spend the rest of eternity nailing cute goth girls.

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Originally posted by Starrman
Id spend the rest of eternity nailing cute goth girls.
I think the preferred term is staking