General Forum

General Forum

  1. Standard memberGrampy Bobby
    Boston Lad
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    23 May '13 06:461 edit
    "Want to Be Happier? Stop Doing These 10 Things Right Now."

    "Happiness—in your business life and your personal life—is often a matter of subtraction, not addition. Consider, for example, what happens when you stop doing the following things:

    Blaming People make mistakes. Employees don't meet your expectations. Vendors don't deliver on time. So you blame them for your problems. But you're also to blame. Maybe you didn't provide enough training. Maybe you didn't build in enough of a buffer. Maybe you asked too much, too soon. Taking responsibility when things go wrong instead of blaming others isn't masochistic, it's empowering—because then you focus on doing things better or smarter next time. And when you get better or smarter, you also get happier.

    Impressing No one likes you for your clothes, your car, your possessions, your title, or your accomplishments. Those are all "things." People may like your things—but that doesn't mean they like you. Sure, superficially they might seem to, but superficial is also insubstantial, and a relationship that is not based on substance is not a real relationship. Genuine relationships make you happier, and you'll only form genuine relationships when you stop trying to impress and start trying to just be yourself.

    Clinging When you're afraid or insecure, you hold on tightly to what you know, even if what you know isn't particularly good for you. An absence of fear or insecurity isn't happiness: It's just an absence of fear or insecurity. Holding on to what you think you need won't make you happier; letting go so you can reach for and try to earn what you want will. Even if you don't succeed in earning what you want, the act of trying alone will make you feel better about yourself.

    Interrupting Interrupting isn't just rude. When you interrupt someone, what you're really saying is, "I'm not listening to you so I can understand what you're saying; I'm listening to you so I can decide what I want to say." Want people to like you? Listen to what they say. Focus on what they say. Ask questions to make sure you understand what they say. They'll love you for it—and you'll love how that makes you feel.

    Whining Your words have power, especially over you. Whining about your problems makes you feel worse, not better. If something is wrong, don't waste time complaining. Put that effort into making the situation better. Unless you want to whine about it forever, eventually you'll have to do that. So why waste time? Fix it now. Don't talk about what's wrong. Talk about how you'll make things better, even if that conversation is only with yourself. And do the same with your friends or colleagues. Don't just be the shoulder they cry on. Friends don't let friends whine—friends help friends make their lives better.

    Controlling Yeah, you're the boss. Yeah, you're the titan of industry. Yeah, you're the small tail that wags a huge dog. Still, the only thing you really control is you. If you find yourself trying hard to control other people, you've decided that you, your goals, your dreams, or even just your opinions are more important than theirs. Plus, control is short term at best, because it often requires force, or fear, or authority, or some form of pressure—none of those let you feel good about yourself. Find people who want to go where you're going. They'll work harder, have more fun, and create better business and personal relationships. And all of you will be happier.

    Criticizing Yeah, you're more educated. Yeah, you're more experienced. Yeah, you've been around more blocks and climbed more mountains and slayed more dragons. That doesn't make you smarter, or better, or more insightful. That just makes you you: unique, matchless, one of a kind, but in the end, just you. Just like everyone else—including your employees. Everyone is different: not better, not worse, just different. Appreciate the differences instead of the shortcomings and you'll see people—and yourself—in a better light.

    Preaching Criticizing has a brother. His name is Preaching. They share the same father: Judging. The higher you rise and the more you accomplish, the more likely you are to think you know everything—and to tell people everything you think you know. When you speak with more finality than foundation, people may hear you but they don't listen. Few things are sadder and leave you feeling less happy.

    Dwelling The past is valuable. Learn from your mistakes. Learn from the mistakes of others. Then let it go. Easier said than done? It depends on your focus. When something bad happens to you, see that as a chance to learn something you didn't know. When another person makes a mistake, see that as an opportunity to be kind, forgiving, and understanding. The past is just training; it doesn't define you. Think about what went wrong, but only in terms of how you will make sure that, next time, you and the people around you will know how to make sure it goes right.

    Fearing We're all afraid: of what might or might not happen, of what we can't change, or what we won't be able to do, or how other people might perceive us. So it's easier to hesitate, to wait for the right moment, to decide we need to think a little longer or do some more research or explore a few more alternatives. Meanwhile days, weeks, months, and even years pass us by. And so do our dreams.

    Don't let your fears hold you back. Whatever you've been planning, whatever you've imagined, whatever you've dreamed of, get started on it today. If you want to start a business, take the first step. If you want to change careers, take the first step. If you want to expand or enter a new market or offer new products or services, take the first step. Put your fears aside and get started. Do something. Do anything. Otherwise, today is gone. Once tomorrow comes, today is lost forever.

    Today is the most precious asset you own—and is the one thing you should truly fear wasting."

    http://lifehacker.com/5991218/want-to-be-happier-stop-doing-these-10-things-right-now

    Question: Which of these ten things would you rank as the three most important to avoid? (gb)
  2. SubscriberKewpie
    since 1-Feb-07
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    23 May '13 08:55
    Ignoring people who want to lecture me about how to be happier is definitely going to make me happier.
  3. Account suspended
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    23 May '13 10:56
    Blaming, Criticizing and Fearing --- essence of my nature.
  4. Standard memberGrampy Bobby
    Boston Lad
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    23 May '13 11:373 edits
    Originally posted by Kewpie

    Ignoring people who want to lecture me about how to be happier is definitely going to make me happier.
    Agree with you, Kewpie. Lectures from one adult to another outside of the classroom are an insult. Fortunately, Jeff Haden isn't lecturing either of us. He's compiled a body of work from personal contact with successful business leaders. I thought his interesting summary (which approaches this universal topic in a secular manner) might be of general interest to RHP Members. Your disapproval comes as a surprise. Thanks for speaking your mind. (gb)

    "Jeff Haden learned much of what he knows about business and technology as he worked his way up in the manufacturing industry from forklift driver to manager of a 250-employee book plant. Everything else he picks up from ghostwriting books for some of the smartest innovators and leaders he knows in business. He has written more than 30 non-fiction books, including four Business and Investing titles that reached #1 on Amazon's bestseller list. He'd tell you which ones, but then he'd have to kill you."

    http://www.inc.com/author/jeff-haden
  5. Standard memberGrampy Bobby
    Boston Lad
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    23 May '13 11:412 edits
    The post that was quoted here has been removed
    It's always an option (that sometimes works, short term).
  6. Standard memberGrampy Bobby
    Boston Lad
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    23 May '13 11:44
    Originally posted by vandervelde

    Blaming, Criticizing and Fearing --- essence of my nature.
    Appreciate your honesty and the courage of your candor.
  7. Standard memberHandyAndy
    Non sum qualis eram
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    23 May '13 13:07
    It's still preaching, Bobby. As ever.
  8. Joined
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    23 May '13 13:501 edit
    The post that was quoted here has been removed
    Years ago I was hiking in Kilarney Provincial Park in Ontario and I heard an unfamiliar noise coming from the forest beside the trail (it was what sounded like a pig snorting). I thought to myself that's odd and continued on. It happened again a little further up the trail but was closer to me than the last time. Long story shorter, turned out to be a bear. I have since that time become familiar with all sounds animal...ok not all but certainly any that are present or potentially present in my area that might want to do me harm.
    I no longer ignore them and much happier for it.
  9. Standard memberGrampy Bobby
    Boston Lad
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    23 May '13 14:27
    Originally posted by HandyAndy

    It's still preaching, Bobby. As ever.
    Respect your opinion, too. You certainly have the option of contacting Jeff directly on his Twitter Account: "Follow him on Twitter jeff haden". My guess is that he'll be particularly pleased to hear from a member of one of the internet's most popular on-line chess sites. Please let us know what this accomplished author has to say. Thanks, gb
  10. Standard memberGrampy Bobby
    Boston Lad
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    23 May '13 14:341 edit
    Originally posted by Great Big Stees

    Years ago I was hiking in Kilarney Provincial Park in Ontario and I heard an unfamiliar noise coming from the forest beside the trail (it was what sounded like a pig snorting). I thought to myself that's odd and continued on. It happened again a little further up the trail but was closer to me than the last time. Long story shorter, turned out ...[text shortened]... present in my area that might want to do me harm.
    I no longer ignore them and much happier for it.
    Hey, Stees, you've got me wondering if this bear that "sounded like a pig snorting" in the park was of male or female persuasion and if you think there may have been any cubs around he or she was protecting. Sounds funny but I'm serious.
  11. Joined
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    23 May '13 14:59
    Originally posted by Grampy Bobby
    Hey, Stees, you've got me wondering if this bear that "sounded like a pig snorting" in the park was of male or female persuasion and if you think there may have been any cubs around he or she was protecting. Sounds funny but I'm serious.
    I didn't take the time to ask it's gender but it was in the late spring so there may have been cubs around although I didn't see any and it never got "really" close to me so I suspect it may have been giving me some warning "snorts".
  12. Standard memberHandyAndy
    Non sum qualis eram
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    23 May '13 15:05
    Originally posted by Grampy Bobby
    Respect your opinion, too. You certainly have the option of contacting Jeff directly on his Twitter Account: "Follow him on Twitter jeff haden". My guess is that he'll be particularly pleased to hear from a member of one of the internet's most popular on-line chess sites. Please let us know what this accomplished author has to say. Thanks, gb
    You're the one who's preaching, Bobby. Why should I contact the source of your sermon on Twitter?
  13. Standard memberGrampy Bobby
    Boston Lad
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    23 May '13 16:56
    Originally posted by HandyAndy

    You're the one who's preaching, Bobby. Why should I contact the source of your sermon on Twitter?
    Originally posted by HandyAndy
    "It's still preaching, Bobby. As ever."

    >"Respect your opinion, too. You certainly have the option of contacting Jeff directly on his Twitter Account: "Follow him on Twitter jeff haden". My guess is that he'll be particularly pleased to hear from a member of one of the internet's most popular on-line chess sites. Please let us know what this accomplished author has to say. Thanks, gb"
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