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Originally posted by Moldy CrowNot too much to tell really... last Saturday a few friends and I had a pit barbeque and beer drink-a-thon at a buddies place out in the sticks. Great fun had by all and I haven't laughed that much in a long time.
Oh come on. You can't leave us hanging after dropping that one out of the bag. Tell tell.
(Hanging! Dropping! Out of the bag! Get it? HAHAHAH, I just kill me!)
At some point in the early evening the guy who owns the place wanted to show us these two wild pigs he caught and hand raised from 'footballs' (piglets). The suckers were 150 to 200lbs now and for the most part just lay there fat and happy (not knowing that we were presently cooking one of their relatives). Despite pelting them with beer cans we were unable to get their attention and it was proposed that two of us creep into the pen and poke the pigs with sticks.... This seemed, at the time, a great idea.
Myself and one other volunteer, armed with scrawny, hacked of tree limbs, eased through the gate to thrash the pigs. As we got within 3ft of the pigs they both shot up with amazing speed and started chasing us. Earily silent and with the obvious intent to commit murder clearly seen in their little piggy eyes the porkchops 'boar' down on us. Of course we ran, dropping both sticks and beer in the process, and my 'buddy' cut me off heading for the gate while screaming for out 'friends' to open it. Of course, nobody opened the gate and I smashed into my buddy from behind and mashed him into the gate.
With the pigs closing fast, the latch would not work and I threw myself over the wooden gate abondoning my friend to the pigs. Tragically I missed my footing on the far side of the fence and subsequently crush/dragged my poor nuts on the fence... Jesus, the thought of it makes my stomach churn. My friend was marginally less lucky, both pigs, unable to stop, smashed into his legs and trampled him. We quickly dragged him over the top of one of the fence posts abrading/cutting him open from the armpit, across his ribs and down to his hip.
Needless to say I spent the rest of the evening eating pig and keeping my nuts iced with a cold beer. My fellow volunteer kept asking to be taken to the hospital as he felt that his ribs were broken. We were too drunk to drive and he was being a pussy so we kept him stocked with beer and stopped the bleeding with his girlfriends jacket.
End of story, my nuts are healed and I've learned that the only good pig is a dead pig on a spit.
Edit: To tell you the truth, I take FAR too many shots to the balls than can be healthy. I slipped on a rock getting out of a canoe recently and pole axed myself in the balls with my paddle. Sweet Jesus I need to wear a cup at all times, but, I'm afraid of trapping a nut between the cup and my thigh... this would be just my luck.
Originally posted by Hand of HecateThat's harsh. Policemen are people, too.
Not too much to tell really... last Saturday a few friends and I had a pit barbeque and beer drink-a-thon at a buddies place out in the sticks. Great fun had by all and I haven't laughed that much in a long time.
At some point in the early evening the guy who owns the place wanted to show us these two wild pigs he caught and hand raised from 'foot ...[text shortened]... afraid of trapping a nut between the cup and my thigh... this would be just my luck.