Huck's trying to get a date and needs some help. What follows is my first attempt. However, I've been accussed of being insensitive so perhaps y'all can help Huck out better than I can.
Passively Well Muscled Stud Seeks:
F, 18 to 55, non smoker, no hard drugs, must have cheerleading experience, 3 way splits a plus, no fatties, must have an open mind, should like leather/latex, must be able to make a variety of barnyard noises including mooo, baah and oink, oink, oink.
Originally posted by huckleberryhoundThere's this old women who comes in the social club where I work. She's about four feet tall, has an irritatingly squeaky voice and seems a bit 'simple'. She's been throwing herself at me for the last couple of weeks, do you want me to see if I can get her number for you?
Woman wanted, must have pulse.
Originally posted by Hand of HecateSultry, Pooh-addicted, chess nerd seeks warm, lubricated orifice to help sac his bishop. Yodeling and scuba skills an advantage, must supply own bag.
Come on people, help a guy out. Huck needs guidance. Surely there is someone with maturity on this site that can help Huck get laid.
Single, lonely, miserable whale, I mean male seeks woman (preferably already retired or close to) for not-so-meaningful relationship. Must have enough money to maintain my castle. Must be into trailers (single or double wide), Coors Light beer, and romantic hot dog cookouts. Mustn’t mind being cursed on occasion, and will have to retain a drivers license as mine has been revoked for a number of reasons. Must be able to sleep with your feet in the air because if you’re going to sleep with me you’re going to sleep in the “ready” position. Must be able to mend my favorite wife-beater T-shirts. Washing them will be second to the mending because I dig the way I smell. Speaking of smell, you will have to enjoy my farts as much as I do. “Love me, love my farts” – Saint Bernard of Clairvaux.
Let’s talk about me, since that is what our relationship will be about anyway. Height and weight proportionate. Proportionate to the Liberty Bell that is. As you can already tell, I’m a smart dresser. Dump 8 to 12 beers down me and I’m a good dancer. Dump 8 to 12 beers on me and you’re in for a love fest. Catholics and Jehovah’s Witnesses need not apply.
Can you fog the glass?