XanthosNZ, a tricky looking character if I've ever seen one, enters a bar carrying an alligator. Says to the patrons, "Here’s a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. The gator will close his mouth for one minute, then open it, and I'll remove my unit unscathed. If it works, everyone buys me drinks." The crowd agrees. XanthosNZ drops his pants and puts his privates in the gator's mouth. Gator closes mouth. After a minute, he guy grabs a beer bottle and bangs the gator on the top of its head. The gator opens wide, and he removes his genitals unscathed. Everyone buys him drinks. Then XanthosNZ says: "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try." After a while, a hand goes up in the back of the bar. It's darvlay. "I'll give it a try," he says, "but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle."
Originally posted by Hand of HecateAmazingly enough, when I was roaming around Amsterdam the other week, someone told me a tale of Darvlay when he was visiting the brothels there.
XanthosNZ, a tricky looking character if I've ever seen one, enters a bar carrying an alligator. Says to the patrons, "Here’s a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. The gator will close his mouth for one minute, then open it, and I'll remove my unit unscathed. If it works, everyone buys me drinks." The crowd agree ...[text shortened]... it a try," he says, "but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle."
Seemingly he didn't have too much money and went to one of the cheaper whore houses in town. He asked what they had in his price range and he was offered a prostitute with three breasts.
Darvlay was in nipple heaven and had the time of his life. One hand on the left nipple, one hand on the right nipple and his mouth all over the central one.
So impressed was young Darvlay that he returned the very next day and looked around for the three breasted prostitute. She was nowhere to be seen.
So he looked at their faces and recognised her.
"Say," said Darvlay, "aren't you the prostitute with three breasts?"
She smiled: "You must be the client who sucked out my boil..."
Originally posted by shavixmirA bit more original, I think.
Amazingly enough, when I was roaming around Amsterdam the other week, someone told me a tale of Darvlay when he was visiting the brothels there.
Seemingly he didn't have too much money and went to one of the cheaper whore houses in town. He asked what they had in his price range and he was offered a prostitute with three breasts.
Darvlay was in nipp ...[text shortened]... stitute with three breasts?"
She smiled: "You must be the client who sucked out my boil..."
- Joined
- 20 May 05
- Moves
- 2728
Darvlay and Xanthos are just too poor to go and have some drinks.
So darvlay comes up with this genius idea. He tells Xanthos he will buy a sausage and when they had a couple of beers in a bar, he gonna pull the sausage out of his zipper and Xanthos will give him head until the bartender throw them out. "You are a genius" replied Xanthos.
So they started real good. After the 8 or so Pub Xanthos yells: "I can´t take the taste of the sausage anymore. This is our last pub !"
Darvlay replies: "What should I say ? I lost the sausage after the second pub or so " !
Three weeks after his wedding day in Massachusetts, Darvlay called his minister. "Reverend," he wailed, "Xanthos and I had a DREADFUL fight!"
"Calm down, my child," said the minister, "it's not half as bad as you think. Every marriage has to have its first fight!"
"I know, I know!" said Darvlay. "But what am I going to do with the BODY?"
You won't believe this, but I was talking to a collegue who frequents the Amsterdam sex scene and I was telling him about Darvlay. He sais: "Canadian Darvlay?"
Seemingly this is how he knows him:
Darvley went to a brothel in "The Wallen" in Amsterdam looking for something new to do.
So the Madam took his money and told him to go down the corridor and take the last door on the right. Darvlay complied and was shocked to find a penguin inhabiting the said room.
"Oh well." he said and he commenced to have sex with the penguin. It wasn't as bad as he thought it would be, because he could lift the penguin of the floor and dance around as he attempted to keep the penguin's beak from snapping at him at the same time as coitus continued.
Darvlay was well impressed, so he went back the next day and asked for another bizarre experience. The Madam told him to go up the flight of stairs and take the last room on the left. Darvlay complied.
The said room was full of men sitting around watching a TV screen. Darvlay peered over and saw they were watching a video of a man having sex with an ostrich.
"Ha ha ha." Darvlay yelled with laughter.
"That's nothing," said my collegue (remember him from the start of the story?), "Yesterday someone was shagging a penguin."
Originally posted by darvlayOkay, no more sexual deviance for darvlay....
Ha ha! Here's another good one:
Darvlay's a homosexual deviant.
LOL.
Philabibit and darvlay were camping together(and no, despite the rumors, no hot man on man sex was involved). They pitched their tent under the stars, knock down a couple of beers and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night, Phlabby wakes darvlay up and asks, "darv, look up at the stars, and tell me what you deduce." darvlay, trying to impress, says, "Its a beautiful night, I see millions of stars and even if a few of those have planets, it's quite likely there are some planets like Earth, and if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life." Phlabby exclaims, "darvlay, you idiot, somebody has stolen our tent."
This just goes to show you that a darvlay in hand is worth two in the bush.
Shaximir, deeply troubled atheist as he was, broke down one day
and started praying:
Lord, let me win the lottery.
Couple weeks go by, nothing, zip.
Again, Lord, Please let me win the lottery, I have always been a good
and kind man.
Two weeks go by, nada.
Please Lord, let me win the lottery, I saved that old lady who would
have gotten hit by the car, and got that purse back from the
thief in Amsterdam, Please Lord, Let me win the Lottery!
This time, a big blue finger comes down out of the clouds,
points at Shav's head. Shavixmir, I have thought about this and
agree you may be allowed to win the lottery.
But Shavixmir, Shavixmir my son, meet me halfway here:
BUY A TICKET.