1. What is your full and real name?
Leisure Lee Sloth
2. Are you a male or female?
Male
3. If you were a crayon what colour would you be?
Indigo
4. What colour pants/boxers/thongs/knickers are you wearing?
What's it to ya'!
5. What is your favourite TV program?
Medium
6. What was the last thing you had to eat?
Pizza
7. Do you care if anyone replied to this survey?
Nope
8. Do you care if this is a rubbish Survey
Obviously not!
9. Who inspires you?
Leisure Lee Sloth
10. Do you prefer twins or triplets?
Both!
11. Shower Or Bath?
Both.
12. Chess OR Draughts ?
Chess
13. Cartoons or Soap Operas?
Cartoons. See #2.
14. What is on your I-Pod/MP3 Playlist?
Don't have one. Don't want one. I'd probably break it if I did. I'm technologically impaired. It's a wonder this computer hasn't broken down yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetttttttttttttttt............
15. When was the last time you had a haircut?
Hello? You expect me to remember this? See #2.
16. Favourite Car?
Mini Cooper convertable. They just look too cool. That or an original Hummer!
17. Chav OR Pikey?
?
18. McDonalds OR Burger King?
Yuck! If I'm eatin' a burger, I'd rather it was cooked over my own barbeque, with either an apple or cherry wood fire.
19. Favourite place to live?
Home is where the heart is....
20. Who Do you love?
My daughter, my wife, and my family.
1. What is your full and real name?
Joshua Dale Miller
2. Are you a male or female?
Male
3. If you were a crayon what colour would you be?
Jet Black
4. What colour pants/boxers/thongs/knickers are you wearing?
Black
5. What is your favourite TV program?
Nova
6. What was the last thing you had to eat?
Chicken and Pepper Jack cheese quesadilla
7. Do you care if anyone replied to this survey?
No Not really
8. Do you care if this is a rubbish Survey
Possibly
9. Who inspires you?
Johnathan Hilton (scholastic player here in the states)..And some other people I think.
10. Do you prefer twins or triplets?
None
11. Shower Or Bath?
Jumping into a lake that magically is already soapy
12. Chess OR Draughts ?
Chess
13. Cartoons or Soap Operas?
Cartoons
14. What is on your I-Pod/MP3 Playlist?
A lot of stuff..But I have a cd player.
15. When was the last time you had a haircut?
No idea
16. Favourite Car?
Mustang (older)
17. Chav OR Pikey?
What?
18. McDonalds OR Burger King?
Burger King
19. Favourite place to live
Southwest U.S.A. or Pacific Northwest
20. Who Do you love?
Wouldn't you like to know
Originally posted by Howell123All Americans need to know about chav's and pikey's is that you need to take a baseball bat with you.
This Survey proves:
1) Most people on RHP are males
2) Americans don't know what a chav or pikey is
3) Cartoons are better than Soap Operas
4) Nobody cares about anyone else replying to this survey
5) Chess is a better logical game than draughts
1. What is your full and real name?
Alan Shoquist
2. Are you a male or female?
Male
3. If you were a crayon what color would you be?
Royal Blue
4. What color pants/boxers/thongs/knickers are you wearing?
Blue
5. What is your favorite TV program?
This Old House.
6. What was the last thing you had to eat?
Cap'n Crunch
7. Do you care if anyone replied to this survey?
Define "care".
8. Do you care if this is a rubbish Survey
*see 7.
9. Who inspires you?
No external inspiration needed.
10. Do you prefer twins or triplets?
Three of a kind.
11. Shower Or Bath?
Shower-weekdays/Bath-weekends
12. Chess OR Draughts ?
Chess
13. Cartoons or Soap Operas?
Death
14. What is on your I-Pod/MP3 Playlist?
Happiness Is-The Verve Pipe, Holding out for a Hero-Frou Frou,
I'm a man-Chicago, Roll with the Changes-Reo Speedwagon, (1st 4).
15. When was the last time you had a haircut?
Thursday.
16. Favorite Car?
My 1990 Suzuki Samurai.
17. Chav OR Pikey?
Have bat, will travel
18. McDonalds OR Burger King?
McDonalds
19. Favorite place to live?
Solana Beach, California
20. Who Do you love?
My Wife and Son.
1. What is your full and real name?
Officer Dibble.
2. Are you male or female?
Male.
3. If you were a crayon what colour would you be?
Purple.
4. What colour pants/boxers/thongs/knickers are you wearing?
Black.
5. What is your favourite TV programme?
West Wing (except season 5).
6. What was the last thing you had to eat?
A disappointingly unripe banana.
7. Do you care if anyone replied to this survey?
Not at all.
8. Do you care if this is a rubbish survey?
A little bit, yes.
9. Who inspires you?
Anyone with boundless energy.
10. Do you prefer twins or triplets?
I'd have to take that on a case-by-case basis.
11. Shower or bath?
Shower for everyday, bath for special occasions.
12. Chess or draughts/checkers?
Who on this site is likely to say draughts?
13. Cartoons or soap operas?
Cartoons (South Park, Family Guy, Simpsons, Dangermouse).
14. What is on your I-Pod/MP3 Playlist?
A completely eclectic mixture of stuff.
15. When was the last time you had a haircut?
A few months ago, i'm growing my hair.
16. Favourite car?
Don't care much for cars. I rent Ford Focuses and they're fine for me
17. Chav or Pikey?
No thanks (que?)
18. McDonalds or Burger King?
No thanks.
19. Favourite place to live?
Haven't found a better long-term alternative to London, still looking.
20. Whom do you love?
That's academic as I can't have her.
- Joined
- 23 Mar 04
- Moves
- 264360
1. What is your full and real name?
- Aiko
2. Are you male or female?
- Male
3. If you were a crayon what colour would you be?
- Grey
4. What colour pants/boxers/thongs/knickers are you wearing?
- Grey-blue-something
5. What is your favourite TV programme?
- I don't watch much television. But currently, I am watching E.R. of about ten seasons ago.
6. What was the last thing you had to eat?
- Homemade soy-oatmeal. It was not as bad as it sounds.
7. Do you care if anyone replied to this survey?
- I care about lots of things. Even this.
8. Do you care if this is a rubbish survey?
- Moderately, yes.
9. Who inspires you?
- I am not the to be inspired type
10. Do you prefer twins or triplets?
- The less the better. I'll take the twins then.
11. Shower or bath?
- Shower. Baths when I feel sick or old
12. Chess or draughts/checkers?
- Oh man, checkers is dull. I don't like one way streets anyway.
13. Cartoons or soap operas?
- Cartoons
14. What is on your I-Pod/MP3 Playlist?
- Quite some piano music, actually.
15. When was the last time you had a haircut?
- About a month ago, halfway there.
16. Favourite car?
- I hate cars. I like trams and bicycles.
17. Chav or Pikey?
- They both sound awful...
18. McDonalds or Burger King?
- I prefer to fund a charming organisation with my groceries and food demands.
19. Favourite place to live?
- Currently, The Hague is actually not that unpleasant. But I really really want to live somewhere where it is actually quiet and green. I don't mind to see mountains at all. On the lookout for something in Scandinavia for the far furture.
20. Whom do you love?
- I'll keep that one in my thoughts for myself alone, for now.
1. What is your full and real name?
- Le Chocolate Moose
2. Are you male or female?
- Male
3. If you were a crayon what colour would you be?
- Red
4. What colour pants/boxers/thongs/knickers are you wearing?
- I don't know
5. What is your favourite TV programme?
- Don't watch television
6. What was the last thing you had to eat?
- Coffee
7. Do you care if anyone replied to this survey?
- Yes, I enjoyed reading the surveys thus far
8. Do you care if this is a rubbish survey?
- Not really
9. Who inspires you?
- Megas Alexandros
10. Do you prefer twins or triplets?
- Twins, less to clean up
11. Shower or bath?
- Shower
12. Chess or draughts/checkers?
- Cheese
13. Cartoons or soap operas?
- Cartoons
14. What is on your I-Pod/MP3 Playlist?
- Tom Waits - Alice
15. When was the last time you had a haircut?
- Two or three years ago
16. Favourite car?
- No preference
17. Chav or Pikey?
- Don't know
18. McDonalds or Burger King?
- KFC
19. Favourite place to live?
- With my feet in the air and my head on the ground
20. Whom do you love?
- My wonderful girlfriend
Originally posted by Howell123The 'Chav' (Homo Inferior) is a species closely related to the American Wigger (Homo Phobius), the scandinavian Fjortis (Homo Fjortensis) and the Finnish Pissis (Homo Pissisus), all of whom being distantly related off-shoots of the human race (Homo Sapiens Sapiens). The Chav has become unfortunately far too common,(not enough people fire fireworks at them in the street,) as they breed like filthy, filthy rabbits. Hated by a good portion of humanity (the others just enjoy making money off them), these creatures are easily distinguishable; they tend gather in groups in towns, particularly shopping precincts, they talk some kind of bastard dialect of their own devising, the most important word being ‘innit’. Several variants of this have been identified and most contain elements of black american culture. This is in spite of the fact that there is no evidence that any Chav has ever crossed the Atlantic, except in the Great Chav Drowning of 1920 when some of them washed up in New York. They tend to wear Adidas or Nike sports gear with white trainers, Argos jewelry and have baseball caps - frequently Burberry - permanently welded onto their heads at birth.
This Survey proves:
2) Americans don't know what a chav or pikey is
The lesser spotted Chav
This is a young Chav, who has just recently hit puberty, resulting in an outbreak of pussy carbuncles all over its face. Despite their diminutive stature, the Lesser Spotted Chav is in fact virtually indistinguishable from the Common Chav. This has led many prominent scientists to believe (falsely – see ‘mating habits&rsquo😉 that Chavs do not breed, but in fact split down the middle like amoebas. This is why it is not a good idea to attack a Chav with a large Oriental sword, as it will just speed up the process. This amoeba like breeding is yet to be seen outside of Wigan.
These creatures should not be approached under any circumstances. Although they are roughly the size and intelligence of a large dog, they often attempt to start fights in what they believe is a manly way, in order to sate their endless testosterone-fueled rage. They will soon be defended by a fag handed, drunk, loud-mouthed mother who is expecting in 3 months.
Habitat
The Chav can be found most commonly on Council Estates; run-down areas in good need of a decent firebombing. The Chav will return to these at night to sleep, but spends most of its time in town with fellow Chavs. In answer to the request of nuking all chav homes George W. Bush declared war on chavs in 1144 for 23 seconds. Upon realising that he didn't know what a chav was he returned to spanking Bill Gates. The County of Hampshire in southern England contains surprising numbers of chavs, probably due to the fact that Basingrad (home of burberry and chavs) is in Hampshire. Chavs are very much a cowardly species. It is due to this nervous disposition that they need to mark their territory by either urinating down back alley's and/or scrawling their names illiterately on whitewashed walls. Chavs will often fight for their land (other such words include: 'turf', territory', or 'patch). This often results in an entertaining, if not sickening display of 'moves'. These moves stem from the music chavs play to occupy their vast amounts of free time , to the beat of which they perfect their monotonous mannerisms in order to attract the opposite sex - plus it allows them to gain at least some exercise. These competitions (also commonly known between chav 'tribes' as 'dance-offs'😉 are carried out by the female of the species, during which she will try to out-dance her opponent without inducing her pregnancy. The loser is often declared when a 'chavling' is successfully laid or when her opponent collapses in a 'rave music' induced trance. The territory is then preserved, and quality street pavements are once again littered with the cider drinking species.
Feeding Habits
The Chav’s digestive system is truly a marvel. Fresh fruit and vegetables are as poison to it, and it can somehow survive on a diet consisting solely of kebabs, McDonald’s, Fags, Booze and chewing gum. Its ability to scavenge off whatever rubbish available perhaps indicates that Chavs are descended from seagulls. Aside from the fact that genetic research has failed to confirm this, the National Association of Seagulls has threatened to sue anybody who compares them to Chavs. Instead, it is more likely that Chavs are closely related to sewer rats. The National Association of Sewer Rats have also lodged a complaint at this unfair comparison.
Drinking Habits
Fresh water is not required for the survival of a Chav; indeed the feel of fresh water coming into contact with their skin often burns them. The Lesser Spotted Chav makes do on Coca Cola and other fizzy soft drinks, although it does attempt to buy alcohol from off-licences. The male Chav will usually drink some soulless, mass-produced foul lager – opiate of the modern day masses. The female Chav, in an effort to look sophisticated, usually drinks Bacardi Breezers or some other kind of alcopop. Of course, this merely makes the female Chav look more despicable by drinking what is effectively the urine of Satan.
Language/Communication
Chavs will communicate with one another by several methods, the most prominent of which are shouting loudly for no reason and via one of their many mobile phones. Chav language attempts to imitate good old fashioned English, but the utter incompatibility of solvent-riddled brains with larynxes result in any spoken words becoming a gross, slurred parody of an otherwise fine language. Chavs can apparently understand one another without any trouble at all, excluding chavs from opposing tribes, known as crews; communication with these normally leads to misinterpretation and mortal combat over their tribal honour. Any non-chav attempting to understand chav speech will neither understand what is being said, nor want to. The general indication of the chav's intent is the tone of the speech - if the tone is slurred and subdued, the chav most likely wants a "tab" from you. If the tone is slurred and loud, the chav is becoming likely to attack, which consists of threats and gentle shoving. One upshot of chav language is being able to detect potentail chavs when ones' sight is otherwise compromised. On average, a chav will swear every other word.
Some chavs have managed to decode a few words of english, these "educated" (and I use that term loosely) chavs are worshipped and sent to order food/booze/beg Having gained confidence from this will often attempt to start fights with normal people with such pig english phrases like:
"You what?!"
"Which one o you's looked at mai bird?"
"You got a (insert expletive) spare quid/fag/drink etc"
This slips occasionally and a chav will approach thinking it is speaking an understandable sentence but instead will just be shouting a slurring gibberish, upon finding that none one knows what they are saying will often become enraged and either attack or run away (if there's more than 2 people in the target group)
Helpful Chav to English Translations
Because Chavs breed like filthy, filthy, FILTHY rabbits, you may end up having to talk to one, as there is now no getting away from the filthy excuses for sub-humanity. As such, here is a helpful guide for understanding what chavs say:
* Innit: Hello
* Innit: I hate you because you are better than me
* Innit: I hate pond life because it is better than me
* Innit: I am a Chav
* Innit: What are you looking at may i ask?
* Innit: If one does not stop looking at my esteemed female partner here, I may be required to place my fist in ones visage.
* Innit: Aren't these big hoop earrings just lovely?
* Innit: Excuse me my good sire. Where would the nearest white lightning purveyor be?
* Innit: I am over 10.
* Innit: I am pregnant/have got someone pregnant
(the last two are considered synonymous)
* Innit: Where can I get some useless car mods
* Innit: Will you buy alcohol from the shop for me?
* Innit: Buy alcohol for me or I will hit you
* Innit: Please put me out of my misery by killing me
* Innit: I work at McDonald's
* Innit: I work in a supermarket
(don't bother learning these two - you're unlikely to meet a chav with a job)
* Innit: I have no idea who my child's father is
* Innit: Innit
* Innit: I believe that the way in which I dress not only looks good but makes me look "expensive".
* Innit: I would like a rear spoiler for my 1996 Ford Fiesta please.
* Innit: Happy slappin' time
* Innit: I have a mum who gave birth to me at the age 4
* Innit: I am a greasy faced acne troubled Pikey
* Innit: Eh like, a grunger, eh like.
These should get you through 99% of all chav conversations.
Mating rituals: Male
A male chav in full mating regalia.
Enlarge
A male chav in full mating regalia.
The mating rituals of the male Chav are interesting. Firstly, the Chav will attempt to ‘pimp himself up’, by putting on his most expensive Burberry shirt and Burberry baseball cap. He will then cover himself with fake gold jewellery known as bling bling – female Chavs share genetic traits with magpies and are attracted to shiny objects. He will then plaster his hair with hair gel. The reasons for this are unknown – it does not have any aesthetic advantage, indeed quite the reverse. A beguiling theorem is that female Chavs, on seeing the excessive amount of grease in the male Chav’s hair, will assume that he must be ‘loaded’ to use so much of a precious commodity, and thus be attracted to him. Then he goes out and "blapses up his homies", the weapon of choice here is an Uzi however chances are he'll resort to a sovereign ring as a make-shift knuckle-duster as few Chavs can afford or have the contacts to get an Uzi in the UK. He will then go to a gathering spot such as a pub o...
Originally posted by Howell123Pikey
This Survey proves:
2) Americans don't know what a chav or pikey is
Definition and charecteristics
Pikey literally translates to mean 'Filthy rude inbred s**t', and refers to a "special" human-key hybrid that will open any door provided there's enough value hidden behind it. Pikeys have many evolutionary characteristics, such as gelled hair, wearing shirts with tight jeans and loafers, and a strange mental condition causing them to threaten everyone around them except their relatives (all other pikies).
Pikeys are a herd animal, and actually only ever travel in groups of 3 or more. When spoken to or approached by ordinary members of the public, they will always respond with a threat of violence and action on the part of their immediate family, i.e. brothers and cousins (exponential).
Pikeys are born with distinct skills and traits. However they actually have very limited mental and physical skill (and gene pool) due to generations of inbreeding. Their future occupation is governed solely by their parent trade, being one of the staple disciplines of driveway tarmaccing, theft, or disregarding planning laws and tax. The last condition has baffled many scientists as pikies still expect free public services.
For the majority, travel is undertaken in Ford Transit vans only. The model must be the latest and colour must be silver. The style (and act) of driving is a traditional art, taught from a young age.
Some examples of their self-honoured code include:
* Windows must be wound at least half way down
* Poor house/dance music must be played at a volume of over or including 170 decibals
* Abusive comments MUST be hurled at passers by who dare to look at the van
Some young pikeys may use buses as a way of travel, but also of honing their abusive social skills. This act of bus travel is a rite of passage, often celebrated in their culture.
Pikeys are unfortunately a pest to society. They are particularly renowned throughout the England, with large and problematic settlements in Dunsfold, near Cranleigh, Surrey, among other places and they are prone to supporting Millwall .
Suggested solutions from notorious circus ring master Tony Blair, include carpet bombing settlements, use of the SAS, lethal injections and Team America.
Pikey Fishin'
Like their word cousin (or Bredren) the pikes, pikeys can be fished. The tool with which to fish is obviously first and formost the pike, from whence the name pike and pikey originate. (Pikey derrives from the old English "pike" meaning "pike" because the unfortunate teeth and lack of social manners of the fish in question ressemble to a tee those of the pikey scum. The best thing to do while pikey fishing for success is using bait, such as:
* A fourteen year old girl in elasticated "trackies", ready to become pregnant and spawn
* "Gold" jewellery (actually any metal, just spray painted)
* Spray paint
* Tramps to "deck"
* Someone of a different sexuality
* Someone of a different ethnic origin
* The dole
* An untarmacked driveway
Once baited the pikey has its jewellery removed, its eyes removed and then is gutted, and dies from lack of bling. Unfortunately it is inedible. Seriously. Who could eat pikey.
1. What is your full and real name?
William Edward Knights Everitt
2. Are you a male or female?
Male
3. If you were a crayon what colour would you be?
I wouldn't be one.
4. What colour pants/boxers/thongs/knickers are you wearing?
Black
5. What is your favourite TV program?
Er, I like a lot really nothing enough to be favourite
6. What was the last thing you had to eat?
Half a pie
7. Do you care if anyone replied to this survey?
Of course!
8. Do you care if this is a rubbish Survey
Well it is.
9. Who inspires you?
Ernesto Guevara, Dalai lama
10. Do you prefer twins or triplets?
Well I know quite a few twins but no triplets so twins
11. Shower Or Bath?
Don't have a shower but think they are better, what a rubbish question
12. Chess OR Draughts ?
Chess
13. Cartoons or Soap Operas?
Cartoons
14. What is on your I-Pod/MP3 Playlist?
25gb of AC/DC, anthrax, black sabbath, Deicide, Hayseed Dixie, In flames, Iron Maiden, Hendrix, kreator, machine head, megadeth, Metallica, motorhead, Mr. bungle, opeth, pantera, pearl jam, pink floyd, queen, RATM, sepultura, Slayer, Testament, Venom and much much more.
15. When was the last time you had a haircut?
Had about 2 in the last three years but one was last month
16. Favourite Car?
Not sure really to young to drive at the moment
17. Chav OR Pikey?
Well I am neither, and I don't really like either
18. McDonalds OR Burger King?
I would burn them both down but the Mcdonalds first
19. Favourite place to live?
Somewhere remote, self sufficent, little cottage
20. Who Do you love?
----