May not be exactly correct as I'm just recalling stuff I've read in a book I've mislaid at the moment:
Tal when told about a new USSR campaign against alcoholism
"The state against vodka? I'm on the side of vodka!"
Someone who's name eludes me when asked about Reuben Fine retiring from chess to become a psychiatrist.
"A great loss for chess. At best a draw for psychiatry."
I think I read both of these in The Compleate Chess Addict, a book of meaningless and fun chess trivia which I highly recommend.