Chess enthusiasts

A group of Chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and met in the hotel lobby, where they were discussing their recent victories in Chess tournaments, After about an hour, the hotel manager cames out of his office and asked them to disperse. He couldn't stand Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer. (found on the Internet)

The Planes Indians practiced polygamy, and one chief had three squaws.
The first squaw lived in a teepee of elk hide, the second in a teepee made of buffalo hide, and the youngest in a teepee of hippopotamus hide.
Then he slept with each wife on the eve of his great hunting trip.
He was gone nine moons and when he returned, he went into the elk hide teepee and found that his wife had borne him a son. Likewise, in the buffalo hide teepee, that squaw, too, had borne him a son. So, imagine his surprise when he found twin baby boys in the hippopotamus hide teepee.

This just proves that ...

The squaw of the hippopotomus is equal to the sum of the squaws of the other two hides.

ok, as long as we're on the subject of bad puns:
1. two eskomoes set out in one of their small boats to hunt their supper. they felt cold so they decided to build a tiny fire in the craft.
it promptly sank, proving once again:
you can't have your kayak and heat it too!

2. can a trigonometry student tell by signs whether the pretty coed in the next aisle would like him to place his lips tangent to hers?
of cosecant!

3. how do transcendental mathematicians sleep?
like logarithms!

4. why did the person having a tooth removed decline an injection of painkiller?
s/he wanted to transcend dental medication!

5. a chess player was seen poring over a thick book on anatomy. when asked why, he said, "i'm trying to learn more about the openings."!

6. a man is sitting at a bar and decides to purchase a pack of cancer sticks from a dispenser. as he approaches the device, he hears, "you're disgusting!" startled, he stops walking, not seeing anyone around, he begins anew and the same voice says, "your hair is a mess!" once again he stops and looks around but still sees no one. a third time he approaches, and the voice, which seems to emanate from the vicinity of the smoke machine, says, "and you stink too!". daunted, the poor guy returns to his seat.
suddenly, he hears a new voice saying, "oh, you look lovely in that outfit!" flattered, he looks for the source but sees none. this is beginning to worry him. a few minutes later, the same voice exclaims, "your cologne is delightful!". now the guy is getting perturbed. a short time later, the unknown sound is heard again, apparently coming from the bowl of peanuts on the bar, saying, "you are so manly!".
flustered, the patron asks the bartender for an explanation, feeling that he is losing it.
the answer is, "oh, yes, the cigarette machine is out of order, but the peanuts are complimentary!".

7. once there was a man who was noted for really awful puns, and finally the pressure of coming up wiht new ones overwhelmed him and he decided to quit "cold turkey".
his friends invited him to a party and were quite disteressed when he would not utter a pun. finally, they locked him in a closet and vowed not to let hmi out until he came forth with one he realized his plight and eventually shouted, "oh-pun this door!".
they didn't.