Go back
Am I Jesus?

Am I Jesus?

Spirituality

HoH
Thug

Playing with matches

Joined
08 Feb 05
Moves
14634
Clock
27 Jan 08
Vote Up
Vote Down

I went to a local booze up yesterday and drank heavily from 10am until sometime much later. I ate all manner of spicy and questionable foods from street vendors or just lying around.

Normally, I would expect to be extremely hungover, possibly still drunk and likely to have blown out my o-ring... vomitting could reasonably be expected to figure big in my day as well.

By some miracle, I am completely fine. In fact, I feel wonderful. I stink.. alot, but, this is nothing a good shower won't fix. I may even polish the bishop and really start the day off well.

The only thing that concerns me is that I would swear that my maple sugar flavored oatmeal spoke to me this morning. No sentences mind you, just a wet "plloppt" sound followed by a distinct "Chhhhraassst". I believe this to be a message from God that I am the personification of the second coming of Christ.

F

Joined
29 Dec 07
Moves
4184
Clock
27 Jan 08
Vote Up
Vote Down

Sounds like it to me. All worship the second coming.

a

Joined
13 Jan 08
Moves
550
Clock
27 Jan 08
1 edit
Vote Up
Vote Down

You know, maple-sugared oatmeal after a binge drink is not advised.

kirksey957
Outkast

With White Women

Joined
31 Jul 01
Moves
91452
Clock
27 Jan 08
Vote Up
Vote Down

Naw, you just turned into Shavixmere, that's all.

HoH
Thug

Playing with matches

Joined
08 Feb 05
Moves
14634
Clock
27 Jan 08
Vote Up
Vote Down

Originally posted by kirksey957
Naw, you just turned into Shavixmere, that's all.
Jesus to anti-christ in one day.

j

Joined
02 Aug 06
Moves
12622
Clock
27 Jan 08
1 edit
Vote Up
Vote Down

Originally posted by Hand of Hecate
I went to a local booze up yesterday and drank heavily from 10am until sometime much later. I ate all manner of spicy and questionable foods from street vendors or just lying around.

Normally, I would expect to be extremely hungover, possibly still drunk and likely to have blown out my o-ring... vomitting could reasonably be expected to figure big this to be a message from God that I am the personification of the second coming of Christ.
You've been reported to the moderators.

HoH
Thug

Playing with matches

Joined
08 Feb 05
Moves
14634
Clock
27 Jan 08
Vote Up
Vote Down

Originally posted by jaywill
You've been reported to the moderators.
For what exactly? Giving my liver a workout? Get bent you humorless git.

rbmorris
Vampyroteuthis

Infernalis

Joined
13 Apr 04
Moves
100353
Clock
27 Jan 08

Originally posted by jaywill
You've been reported to the moderators.
Ummm, you weren't supposed to betray him...yet.

HoH
Thug

Playing with matches

Joined
08 Feb 05
Moves
14634
Clock
27 Jan 08
Vote Up
Vote Down

Originally posted by rbmorris
Ummm, you weren't supposed to betray him...yet.
I want my 30 pieces of silver back. Wonder what a genuine piece of Judas silver would go for? What a great souvenier.

rwingett
Ming the Merciless

Royal Oak, MI

Joined
09 Sep 01
Moves
27626
Clock
27 Jan 08
Vote Up
Vote Down

Originally posted by Hand of Hecate
I want my 30 pieces of silver back. Wonder what a genuine piece of Judas silver would go for? What a great souvenier.
Bidding starts as low as 99¢ on eBay. The cheapest 'Buy It Now' price I saw was for $16.00. But that was for a silver Roman denarius from c. 220 that was in bad shape. The cheapest one I saw from the Republican era was $69.95.

HoH
Thug

Playing with matches

Joined
08 Feb 05
Moves
14634
Clock
27 Jan 08
Vote Up
Vote Down

Originally posted by rwingett
Bidding starts as low as 99¢ on eBay. The cheapest 'Buy It Now' price I saw was for $16.00. But that was for a silver Roman denarius from c. 220 that was in bad shape. The cheapest one I saw from the Republican era was $69.95.
I've just acquired a genuine nail from the cross. Bidding starts at $666. E-bay rocks.

b

Joined
17 Jul 07
Moves
2949
Clock
31 Jan 08
Vote Up
Vote Down

I've got to say that I find this thread very disturbing.

If you are Jesus and if I don't ask you for forgiveness, then I'm going to Hell. But if you're not Jesus and I do ask for forgiveness... well, then I'd feel stupid! Asking for forgiveness from some a-hole that I never did anything wrong to. That's just silly!

But wait! Tecnically, I just suggested that you were an a-hole. This means that I can ask your forgivness and not feel stupid, and if you are, in fact, Jesus then I'll be saved! It's a win, win!

So... will you forgive me?

j

Joined
02 Aug 06
Moves
12622
Clock
01 Feb 08
1 edit
Vote Up
Vote Down

Originally posted by bjohnson407
I've got to say that I find this thread very disturbing.

If you are Jesus and if I don't ask you for forgiveness, then I'm going to Hell. But if you're not Jesus and I do ask for forgiveness... well, then I'd feel stupid! Asking for forgiveness from some a-hole that I never did anything wrong to. That's just silly!

But wait! Tecnically, I just sug ...[text shortened]... u are, in fact, Jesus then I'll be saved! It's a win, win!

So... will you forgive me?
You and Hand of Hecate will both go to Troll Heaven.

There forever you can haunt Internet discussion boards with the kind of rot that naughty junior high boys scribble on the walls of school bathrooms.

F

Joined
29 Dec 07
Moves
4184
Clock
01 Feb 08
Vote Up
Vote Down

Originally posted by jaywill
You and Hand of Hecate will both go to [b]Troll Heaven.

There forever you can haunt Internet discussion boards with the kind of rot that naughty junior high boys scribble on the walls of school bathrooms.[/b]
Dude... you shouldn't cross Jesus.

b

Joined
17 Jul 07
Moves
2949
Clock
01 Feb 08
1 edit
Vote Up
Vote Down

Originally posted by jaywill
You and Hand of Hecate will both go to [b]Troll Heaven.

There forever you can haunt Internet discussion boards with the kind of rot that naughty junior high boys scribble on the walls of school bathrooms.[/b]
I don't think that what I said was much less sophisticated than Blaise Pascal's "wager," and he's among the great religious minds of Western history. But maybe the way I put it was a bit immature. How about this: Will you forgive me, Mr Christ, sir?

Cookies help us deliver our Services. By using our Services or clicking I agree, you agree to our use of cookies. Learn More.