An atheist in the woods

An atheist was walking through the woods.

"What majestic trees!"
"What powerful rivers!"
"What beautiful animals!"

As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him.

He turned to look. He was a 7 foot grizzly bear charge towards him.

He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing in on him.

He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer.

He tripped and fell on the ground.

He rolled over to pick himself up but saw that the bear was right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him.

At that instant moment, the Atheist cried out.

"Oh my God!"

Time stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.

As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky.

"You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident.'

"Am I to count you as a believer?"

The atheist looked directly into the light, and said, "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the bear a Christian!"


"Very well!", said the voice.

The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head and spoke:

"Lord, bless this food, which I'm about to recieve from Thy boundy thourgh Christ our Lord, Amen!"

Do Christians not get eaten by bears? Or do you just thank God while being eaten?

Atheists can walk?

Originally posted by whodey
"You deny my existence for all these years, teach others I don't exist and even credit creation to cosmic accident.'

"Am I to count you as a believer?"

The atheist looked directly into the light, and said, "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the bear a Christian!"

What an odd answer by the atheist. Maybe he answered the way he did because he was scared as hell and couldn't think straight? I think that is how most atheist --> theist conversions work.

His correct answer of course should have been something along the lines of "Yes, I now have a reason to assume you exist, unlike before when I had absolutely no reason at all other than what other PEOPLE (people like myself) told me. Of course, it could still be that you are a figment of my imagination - maybe I bumped my head when I fell and am now unconscious - but currently I have no reason to assume that, so yeah, I suppose you are in fact real. Pleased to meet you." Would it be hypocritical of the man (of me, for that matter) to "believe" in God once he gets face to face with God who has just frozen time, Whodey?

It is worth noting that in real life this never happens. I could climb a large building, get onto the roof, spread my arms to the sky and shout "God! Please! Show me you exist!" and then jump off, and all that would happen is I would splatter to the ground. I could be chased by ten hungry bears, my whole family could be chased by 50 hungry bears, the world could be overrun by a massive amount of hungry bears and God would still not show up. No matter how hard you would scream "GOD!!!" right before a bear would bite off your right arm, God would still not show up. Try it, it will not happen! Have you got enough faith to try it? I don't think so.

Also, is it the Christian way to eat non-believers? How lovely.

Also, I am confused. Is it the man-eating monsterbear that is supposed to be a metaphor for Obama? Or is it the dirty, no good, lazy atheist scoundrel that is Obama? You should be a little bit more clear as to which of your villains is Obama.

Originally posted by Great King Rat
What an odd answer by the atheist. Maybe he answered the way he did because he was scared as hell and couldn't think straight? I think that is how most atheist --> theist conversions work.

His correct answer of course should have been something along the lines of "Yes, I now have a reason to assume you exist, unlike before when I had absolutely no ...[text shortened]... is Obama? You should be a little bit more clear as to which of your villains is Obama.

Sounds like you are all reading a bit too much into a joke.

Yeah, I do that sometimes.

Originally posted by whodey
An atheist was walking through the woods.

"What majestic trees!"
"What powerful rivers!"
"What beautiful animals!"

As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him.

He turned to look. He was a 7 foot grizzly bear charge towards him.

He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw t , which I'm about to recieve from Thy boundy thourgh Christ our Lord, Amen!"

"Oh my God!"

Time stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent....

Bah..too unrealistic - let's improve it...


"Oh my [g]od!"

the bear (not understanding a word the atheist just said (because bears are crap at understanding english)) mauled the atheist to death

THE END!

Originally posted by whodey
An atheist was walking through the woods.

"What majestic trees!"
"What powerful rivers!"
"What beautiful animals!"

As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him.

He turned to look. He was a 7 foot grizzly bear charge towards him.

He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw t ...[text shortened]... , which I'm about to recieve from Thy boundy thourgh Christ our Lord, Amen!"

This joke is so old. 😛

Originally posted by whodey
An atheist was walking through the woods.

"What majestic trees!"
"What powerful rivers!"
"What beautiful animals!"

interesting. when i'm walking through the forest, my thoughts are more in the line of;

"i hope i don't get bitten by ticks"
"there sure are a lot of mosquitoes here"
"crap crap crap... was that poison ivy that just rubbed against my bare skin?"
and of course...
"i hope there aren't bears around!"

The atheist looked directly into the light, and said, "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps you could make the bear a Christian!"

why would the atheist assume it was the christian god?

Originally posted by SwissGambit
This joke is so old. 😛

😠

Originally posted by VoidSpirit
interesting. when i'm walking through the forest, my thoughts are more in the line of;

"i hope i don't get bitten by ticks"
"there sure are a lot of mosquitoes here"
"crap crap crap... was that poison ivy that just rubbed against my bare skin?"
and of course...
"i hope there aren't bears around!"

The atheist looked directly into the li ...[text shortened]... ar a Christian!"

why would the atheist assume it was the christian god?

Really. After a lifetime of assuming incorrectly, why start assuming correctly now?

There is probably more to the story/joke that was edited out, like where after dinner the bear prayed that eating the atheist would not give him diahrea (the runs) or make him constipated. Maybe atheists are high fiber.