Could we have a new Bible please

A CONVERSATION WITH GOD

"G'day your MAGNIFICENCE, it's the Aussie Atheist here again."
"Oh no. You're not going to spout Cath and Kim at me again are you?"
"No. It's OK. I've just got a suggestion for your HOLINESS."
"And what would that be? I have thought of most things already you know."
"Well, I was standing in the shower, washing my..."
"Do I really need to know about your ablutions. As someone who is all powerful and all knowing, this conversation is potentially boring because I know what you are going to say before you say it. A bit like everyone at RHP seems to know what Darfius is going to say before he says it. Anyway. Humour me. Go on."
"Well your SPLENDIFEROUS I know you monitor RHP debates and you must be aware by now that nearly all the debate is about what you think on various things and what people claim you think."
"That's true."
"Well, why don't you simply write a new Bible. If the last one was divinely inspired, I have to say that it is rather obscure. And it has been translated so many times that nobody knows what you think or why. I mean, why have an OT and a NT? Why not just have GOD'S TESTAMENT written in plain English, and Chinese, and Tibetan, and French, and German and..."
"Yes, I think I get the point. Write them all in a local language so there is no translation."
"Yes. That's right. But, if YOUR GREATNESS, I could make a further suggestion. Writing is a bit boring these days. Why not make it a multimedia presentation. You know on Powerpoint or something."
"Hmm, you may have something there. Except what about the poor sods who don't have electricity? They couldn't see my Powerpoint Testament."
"You are God. Well that's what Darfius and his friends tell us. You can do anything. Even supply electricity to African villages. Then the whole world would believe in you. Imagine if miraculously tomorrow, new Apple Powerbooks appeared in every household in the world. It would be a sign from you and it could include your new multimedia presentation. Call it A New Testament for a New Millenium . Just imagine, all the bickering and slaughtering of innocents on the earth would stop very quickly. Everyone would believe in you and peace on earth would reign."
"What! Are you suggesting no more slaughtering of Medianite children. Nope, it wouldn't work. A clear, concise an updated Bible would take away all the bickering, killing, murdering and pillaging in MY NAME. And perhaps more importantly for you there would be no more debating in the RHP spirituality forum. Then where would you be?"
"Good point your LORDSHIP. I'll come back later with a better idea. Goodnight."

Originally posted by Maustrauser
[b] A CONVERSATION WITH GOD

"G'day your MAGNIFICENCE, it's the Aussie Atheist here again."
"Oh no. You're not going to spout Cath and Kim at me again are you?"
"No. It's OK. I've just got a suggestion for your HOLINESS."
"And what would that be? I have thought of most things already you know."
"Well, I was standing in the sh ...[text shortened]... you be?"
"Good point your LORDSHIP. I'll come back later with a better idea. Goodnight."[/b]

Originally posted by Alcra
very funny.

Except! If an Apple Mac appeared in every house, would that not be the work of "Him downstairs"?

😛

Originally posted by Maustrauser
Only if it didn't run OS X!

😏

Originally posted by rwingett
There's a movie called [b]The Book Of Life, directed by Hal Hartley, inwhich Jesus (clean shaven and dressed in a business suit) comes to New York on New Year's Eve, 1999, with a command from God to open the seven seals and unleash the apocolypse upon humanity. The book of life, with the seven seals, is a Mac Powerbook, stored in a locker at the airport. ... It's an excellent movie. You haven't seen it have you?[/b]