I'm really not long for this world, to tell you the truth. After two years of hearing every wild conspiracy, every crack pot explanation, every supposed proof against God, every deviation of truth imaginable, I think I've finally hit the bottom of doubt and found it wanting.
As I told another believer who recently departed from these posts and threads, I haven't been here in hopes of seeing conversions. Most chess people I know are stubborn and such a forum as is offered here is more of a contradiction than anything else: people come here looking for fights and are peternaturally defensive in their positions.
Instead, I came here (and have remained) for my own selfish reasons. I know that most people who have frequented here for as long or longer than I are far smarter than me. Folks like Nemesio, Dr. Scribbles, telerion, LemonJello, twhitehead, kirksey, snowinscotland, Bosse de Nage, The Skipper, vistesd, and even (to some extent, bbarr) and etc., make my otherwise impressive 172 look more measly than the proverbial 95-pound weakling at the beach.
But I know that I have received more benefit from being here than if I'd hung out at every center of higher learning in the world for 100 years. Where else could I get such concentrated pools of doubt upon which to test the buoyancy of my faith? Here, the non-believer openly blasts with no mind to any possible fall-out, without even a hint of mercy.
On my own, I know that I could not come up with the obstacles provided by some of the folks cited above. For their faithful faithlessess, I am grateful. They have helped solidify positions in my mind that I would have never considered to shake or test.
However, as stated, I am coming to the end of what I see as the usefulness of the site. It seems as though all of the arguments have been lobbied, all of the problems resolved. I guess you could say that I'm tired of arguing pointless and insignificant opinions.
Again, I am humbled by the consistency of the presentations and beliefs of the mainstays herein. Each of them have offered some unique enjoyments and admirable qualities. Let me just say for the record that while vistesd has exhibited the least offensive personality of all those with whom I've grappled in these two years, a tip of my hat goes to one person above all others.
Nemesio (I believe the only believer among those cited) has been the paragon of consistency, disciplined thought and expression within these threads for as long as I have frequented here, and I have been uniquely humbled most especially by his unyielding disciplined approach and singular concentration. While I thank each and every one of those mentioned for your unintended assistance to me within these threads, Nemesio, I salute you first and foremost. While we have clashed heartily and heavily, I pride myself whenever I see my expressions approximating the cleanliness of thought that I found when reading your posts. Early on, I flattered myself to have considered myself in your league; I am deeply grateful to you for you never mentioning the perposterousness of such impertinence, while allowing me the illusion of having a conversation with a real intellectual. In these threads, you truly have no equal, and I know that my thinking has improved by interacting with you.
That being said, thank you again for all of your contributions and--- as usual--- for your readership. Without a hint of irony, God bless you all.