1. Joined
    23 Sep '05
    Moves
    11774
    13 Jan '06 11:48
    Lurching to the left in a swaying motion,
    sudden retaliation; fear to its opponent.

    Void of life ... void of awareness ... void of existence.

    In the midst of the ashes lay the queen of treachery, maliciously laughing at his despair.

    Poor is the one who can see but the ashes of life.

    Defiantly raising his head
    Beyond the laughing queen
    Seeking in the distance
    Escaping her despicable lies

    Ripped open his chest
    Light of truth
    Burning his heart

    To ashes, to ashes, and no more joy.

    But there, oh there, is ignorance and belief.
    The rescue from the weight of truth and guilt.
    He climbs aboard. His big reward.

    Look at the queen!
    Tears in her eyes? Waving her hand. Forcing a smile. What is this trick? Why this confusion? Is she not evil? Is she not to blame?

    Look to the side!
    Apparent is the truth. The truth is not here, but there. The queen. Oh, the queen. It was not a laughter. She wept in despair, the loss of her heart.

    The ship of ignorance carrying on. But not a ship. And not a home. A predator of trickery and lies.

    Yet, growing within her; the depth of her being. A new life, new hope, new truth, new treasure.

    Mistakes made
    Prices payed
    Calm in soul
    Calm in thought

    Happiness at last!

    Stocken

    ----

    I just felt like boring you all with a poem of mine. 🙂

    Of course, I'm also looking for opinions, flattering, maybe even a little constructive criticism. But I wouldn't dream of it. 😉
  2. Joined
    24 Apr '05
    Moves
    3061
    16 Jan '06 22:27
    Originally posted by stocken
    Lurching to the left in a swaying motion,
    sudden retaliation; fear to its opponent.

    Void of life ... void of awareness ... void of existence.

    In the midst of the ashes lay the queen of treachery, maliciously laughing at his despair.

    Poor is the one who can see but the ashes of life.

    Defiantly raising his head
    Beyond the laughing queen
    Seeking ...[text shortened]... inions, flattering, maybe even a little constructive criticism. But I wouldn't dream of it. 😉
    I enjoyed your poem. Your ship of ignorance reminded me of a Hafiz poem vistesd posted some time ago, reproduced in part below:

    "The great religions
    are the ships;

    poets, the life boats.

    Every sane person I know
    has jumped overboard."


    Also, I like the way you have portrayed the pitfall of thinking that life is nothing but mere vanity. It is easy to only see a queen of treachery who maliciously mocks; but as you point out, Poor is the one who can see but the ashes of life. That is very true, and that is a barrier beyond which some never see (e.g., read Schopenhauer's wretched mess of an essay On the Vanity of Existence).

    But there, oh there, is ignorance and belief.
    The rescue from the weight of truth and guilt.
    He climbs aboard. His big reward.


    Exactly: "reward". Truly unique would be the rEliGiOn that promises its ardent followers a lump of coal in their supernatural stocking, or a swift kick in the nuts as compensation for their tireless devotion. It seems that it is never enough to do good simply because it is that which should be done.
  3. Joined
    23 Sep '05
    Moves
    11774
    17 Jan '06 21:451 edit
    Originally posted by LemonJello
    I enjoyed your poem. Your [b]ship of ignorance reminded me of a Hafiz poem vistesd posted some time ago, reproduced in part below:

    "The great religions
    are the ships;

    poets, the life boats.

    Every sane person I know
    has jumped overboard."


    Also, I like the way you have portrayed the pitfall of thinking that life is nothing but It seems that it is never enough to do good simply because it is that which should be done.[/b]
    Thank you for those kind words, LemonJello. You obviously read the poem and gave it your honest interpretation. Now that I re-read the poem I realize that I would like to change the ending, though. I think that the ending is too fast and makes it hard to fully grasp.

    The poem for me is an observation. I observe the things going on inside me (my emotional state if you will). The queen of treachery, to myself, is the misinterpretation of my own inner self. Why am I suddenly sad? Why do I feel like laughing although there's nothing amusing going on? These things happen to me when I'm miserable and unable to find the cause for it. And if, at such a time, I should seek answers anywhere but inside myself, I find myself on the ship of ignorance (self-ignorance; the worst kind). The truth that gives no answer.

    The poem, for me, is also a poem of hope. There's always new life growing within each cycle of confusion. Every moment of confusion (emotionally) will lead to a (brief?) moment of clarity. If I plant the seeds, they will grow and give meaning to my existence, beyond what any false truth could offer. The queen of treachery, then, is my failure to recognize my own shortcomings. The ship of ignorance is my failure to critically look inside myself for answers.

    (I know, it sound as though I'm mental, but believe me, it's not as bad as it sounds. I'm a fairly balanced, if somewhat troubled, person.)

    Also, I like the way you have portrayed the pitfall of thinking that life is nothing but mere vanity.

    I think this is a very good sentence. It captures a critical truth about the whole poem, that I hadn't even realized myself. Vanity, the pressure of always being one step ahead and appear composed and clear in every situation, can no doubt lead to the shortcomings portrayed in the poem.

    We are far from perfect beings, so when we focus too much on how we perform against others, we slowly decay emotionally. When looking beyond our vanity and self-awareness, we can often find relief from those destructive feelings.

    Now, the poem changed. Now, it's about balance. To seek relief in the distance, can bring the very perspective needed to understand what's really going on.

    Look at the queen!
    Tears in her eyes? Waving her hand. Forcing a smile. What is this trick? Why this confusion? Is she not evil? Is she not to blame?


    ---

    Hope I didn't bore you with this post. I found your interpretation both insightful and inspiring. Again, thank you. 🙂
  4. Joined
    23 Sep '05
    Moves
    11774
    17 Jan '06 22:02
    Originally posted by LemonJello
    "The great religions
    are the ships;

    poets, the life boats.

    Every sane person I know
    has jumped overboard."
    Also, this is interesting. You can view the poem as criticism of religion (which would be natural considering the forum I posted it in). It wasn't in fact mean as such, but it certainly works. 🙂

    It is meant as as an observation of the inner struggle and the fact that any answer is meaningless if it doesn't come from within oneself. A religion is very much like that. If you don't have the right connection with your inner self, all the scriptures and wisdom of a religion becomes useless. Also, we cannot find the truth by coming from the scripture. We must find it within ourselfs, and then scripture will either make sense, or not.

    This is why I'm such an opponent of religions like christianity and islamism. They, when taking their scriptures literally, has too many fixed notions of what man is and what we're supposed to be. I much prefer religions that allows us to find for ourselves what truths lies within us. Religions like this are much harder to practice, but also much more rewarding. And the top-notch wisdom, I find in religions that doesn't even require a concept of a supernatural God or afterlife. Those are closest to me, because they sit well with my inner experiences.

    (Of course, there are versions of christianity that allows for much more personal freedom when the bible isn't taken literally, and that is interesting to me. But boneheaded, blind faith preachers usually just fly right past me. Can't even see them properly for some reason.)
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